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Week 17 Preview

Alfred Still Doesn’t Understand The Rex Manning Video

GAME OF THE WEEK
La Famiglia (10-1-1-2) at Corlears Hookers (9-5)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 5-0
Game Notes: Division leaders clash this Sunday as BTSH hockey resumes (hopefully) after a lengthy sabbatical.  However, La Famiglia and the Corlears Hookers enter this inter-conference matchup with very different mentalities.  With an assist from Hurricane Irene, La Famiglia has clinched the Donohue Division and the third seed in the playoffs.  The Corlears Hookers, on the other hand, are just one point up on the Happy Little Elves and the Denim Demons, and two points up on Filthy Gorgeous, in the tightly packed Rubens Division.  While their record isn’t spectacular, the Hookers’ goal differential of +21 ranks third in the league, and goaltender Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson leads BTSH with a 1.09 goals against average.  However, La Famiglia has looked even more impressive.  David Ladanyi’s Family boasts the league’s top-ranked offense with 53 goals and has the best goal differential with +25.  Despite having nothing at stake, Ladanyi vows that his team will put forth a full effort, as anything less would be against the spirit of the league.
Keys To The Game:
1. La Famiglia’s offense features the top two goal scorers in BTSH in Denis Miciletto and Shafiq “Off Black” Perry.  Although Miciletto’s 20 goals make him a near lock to finish first in the league, Perry remains closer to the pack with 13, as the duo pushes for an impressive 1-2 finish.
2. The Hookers’ Jason Eitel is also among the league scoring leaders with 10 goals.  However, the bulk of these goals came in a couple of 4-goal outbursts in games his team won in blowout fashion.  Should the Hookers take a late five-goal lead, La Famiglia will have to be wary of Eitel’s garbage time prowess.
3. Although Ladanyi has vowed to field a competitive squad, he is also being cautious about overusing his goaltenders.  He has already rotated between Kevin Au and Jamie Batuwantudawe throughout the season, but this Sunday, he will introduce a third netminder, Diane Johnston, in order to rest the other two for the playoffs.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  They have never lost to the Tuques/La Famiglia franchise, primarily because former Tuques Brendan “Dutch” Kearney and Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney know all of Ladanyi’s strategies.
Derek’s Pick: La Famiglia.  Yes, it’s true, La Famiglia has never beaten the Hookers, but then again, this will be the first time they play them with Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri on the team.
Watchability: 4 Batuwantudawes.  Who will succeed as the league’s top offense faces the league’s top goaltender?

Gut Rot (2-12) at Poutine Machine (10-2-1-1)
Written by media intern Shaun deLacy
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Poutine Machine leads 3-0
Game Notes: In this MacNeil Division matchup, division bookends Poutine Machine and Gut Rot face off in what is sure to be a stomach turning affair. It was revealed during the offseason that Gut Rot’s namesake comes from its historic inability to beat Poutine Machine, as well as Peaches’ historic inability to stomach such a gut bursting concoction of grease and gravy. Now Gut Rot seeks to force an economy-sized bottle of Tums down the collective throats of Poutine. Can the team solve Poutine goaltender, Tim Brown? Can Peaches’ finally claim victory over Patrick “Sven” Larsen after failing to best him in last year’s Johnson’s Olympics love poem reading? Despite the fact that Gut Rot is only a game removed from one of its two winning efforts this season, the Machine is warmed up and rolling through the stretch run on a five-game winning streak. In short, I believe the answer to both of those questions is “no.”
Shaun’s Pick: The delicious and artery-clogging combination of fries, cheese curds and sweet, sweet gravy.
Watchability: 3 antacid tablets

What The Puck (8-5-0-1) at Rehabs (3-7-1-3)
Written by Tuques beat reporter Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 10-6
Ahhhhhh the game that the whole BTSH has been waiting for. Or at least me. For the past four winters Rehabs captain Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli and WTP captain Larry Zimmer have gone out for dinner. Four years ago, MDF humiliated Larry when she said, “Hey look over there, its a nuclear bomb,” and by the time Larry looked back at his plate, half his fries were eaten. However, the last three dinners have been dominated by Larry, as he has pulled the same trick, and instead of stealing her fries, he’s stolen, Sal, Skuse, and Romeo, among others. This game would have been easy to pick the first five or six weeks as WTP was rolling and the Rehabs were sucking. But the summer brought a reversal of fortunes for both teams as the Rehabs are climbing, and WTP has fallen. Expect a hard fought game this week. Pray for the refs. And in the end, the Rehabs will come out on top 4-3 in OT.
Game Notes: Rob Blandi, MDF, and Kehoe don’t return my calls anymore
Rich’s Pick: Tuques 3, Hookers 2
Watchability: A rarely given 5 out of 5 Melendezes

Sky Fighters (8-2-2-2) at Dark Rainbows (7-6-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 6-5
Game Notes: The Dark Rainbows handed the Sky Fighters their worst loss of the season on Opening Day, a 4-0 shut out on the strength of two goals from Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell. Since then, however, the Sky Fighters have clamped down defensively, allowing just 18 goals over a 13-game stretch. This defense, which now ranks third in the league, has led the Sky Fighters to within a point of Hackett Division leader Fresh Kills.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  It’s fall, so the Czechs will probably be back.
Watchability: 3.5 Batuwantudawes

Denim Demons (8-5-0-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (8-6)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 5-2-1
Game Notes: There was this thing I used to do on Sunday afternoons… Many, many weeks ago. God, what was that? I think it involved an orange ball. Maybe a wooden stick? There was beer, that’s for sure. Something about red shirts is coming to mind as well. Huh. Weird.  So, I asked Dez Penascino what it was we were doing before she left for Morocco. The first thing she listed was drinking. I called her out on the past tense: we were still drinking! (She cooked dinner, I brought wine, as per usual.) The next thing she recalled was going to see Murder By Death in concert. Is there such a thing as “too early for whiskey?” If there is, I’m betting it’s Sunday afternoon. So that wasn’t it. Then Dez said we used to play street hockey and sometimes our team did pretty well. Maybe not so much in the recent past, but at some point this year we won games. And that Filthy Gorgeous was a damn fine team that we always had tough, but good, games against. This all sounds pretty familiar, actually.  However, I’m still not convinced we weren’t just going to church.
Abby’s Pick: Rain Fears
Watchability: 4 Irenes

Mathematics (6-5-2-1) at Tompkins Square Riots (2-11-0-1)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: Monica is watching the Saints play the Packers.  Preview coming soon…

Happy Little Elves (7-4-1-2) at Gouging Anklebiters (4-10)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 3-0
Game Notes: The stat above is all you need to know about this one. He may have won a BTSH championship and the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup, but Elves Captain Rich Glanzer still has a pain in his heart that can only be cured by a victory over the team who’s motto is “it’s a lot more fun to be spoilers than frontrunners.” Rich and his co-captain Ben Chadwick will surely do their best to rally the troops but Amy Barrett’s deep and abiding hatred for everything that he stands for may be a hard obstacle to overcome. Just be glad it’s not an arm wrestling contest, Rich.
Sven’s Pick: It could go either way but the fact that the Elves are in a heated race for the division title makes me think they’ll push a little harder and win this one.
Watchability: 4 junkyard dogs. Empires will rise, empires will fall. Nothing will ever be the same. Deli – how is this not game of the week?

Butchers (7-6-1) at LBS, Inc. (9-4-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: These two teams enter this inter-conference matchup with very different motives.  While, LBS, Inc.  is just two points out of first place in the ultra-competitive Hackett Division, the Butchers are fighting to earn the all-important bye on the first playoff weekend.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.  They’ll be energized after the annual August corporate retreat to the Poconos.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Watchability: 3 Batuwantudawes

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Unicorns (7-5-0-2) at Cobra Kai (5-6-1-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 5-0
Game Notes: Just 3 games left until the playoffs, and several divisional races are up for grabs. The Donohue Division is not one of them. La Famiglia has the division title locked up, and a Unicorns win this week will almost surely lock up second place for them. Their 5-year pattern of not being able to score much combined with great overall defense equals a lot of close games, which is when a lucky bounce or dinged crossbar can be the difference. The always-scrappy Cobra Kai have scratched out 5 wins and 2 OT losses, and can actually make things interesting in the Donohue Division with a W this week.
Vegas Line: Unicorns by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Take the point. The long layoff increases entropy. More variables=better for the underdog.
Watchability: 3.5 Rick Perry corn dogs

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Mega Touch (4-9-1) at Fresh Kills (10-3-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 7-3
Game Notes: All 5 Hackett Division teams are within 5 goals scored of each other. That is weird. Not surprisingly, it’s a 3 team horse race for the division title (Sorry WTP, that four-game losing streak is sinking you). The difference is FK has only let in 22 goals, good for second best in the league and the 4th-best point differential. Mega Touch, always a fan favorite, usually puts on a good show but just doesn’t have the horses to keep up with the league’s top tier.
Vegas Line: FK by 3
Jesse the Greek says: Lay the points.
Watchability: 2 Jobs Recovery speeches

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