Dave Hopes To Lead Fresh Kills To New Heights

GAME OF THE WEEK
Fresh Kills (8-4-0-2) at Tompkins Square Riots (7-6-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Division leaders collide this Sunday as former teammates clash for the first time.  Fresh Kills currently holds a four point lead in the Donohue Division, despite losing three of its past four games.  The Tompkins Square Riots sit just one point ahead of the Mathematics in the MacNeil Division and snapped a three-game losing streak in their last contest with a convincing 7-2 win against Cobra Kai.  However, this game’s allure extends way beyond the standings. Several members of the Riots once proudly wore the Fresh Kills colors, but defected to form their own team this past offseason.  Although tensions were initially a little high following this schism, relations between these two teams are much more cordial now.  For example, Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg of the Riots recently gave Fresh Kills rookie Justin Ross a free lesson on shooting techniques.  In return, Fresh Kills’ Nick Hobbs helped Scott Townsend of the Riots glue a new blade into his hockey stick.  Former Fresh Kills captain Kevin “The Planet” Foster summarizes, “There is no animosity.  We’re all just sensitive people.”
Keys To The Game:
1. With two games to play, Fresh Kills needs to earn just one more point in the standings to clinch the Donohue Division and #3 seed in the playoffs.  Or, the team can also back into the division title if Cobra Kai loses either of its last two games.
2. Alexandre Frenette leads the Riots, and also the entire Schumacher Conference, with 11 goals.  His scoring has come in bunches, as he has recorded three multi-goal games, including two hat tricks.
3.  No one is quite sure when it happened, but something has been wrong with Justin Ross’ shooting technique lately.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  If they clinch the division here, they avoid a potential winner-take-all game with Cobra Kai next Sunday.
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  They’re supposedly the more competitive ones…
Watchability:4 DeBlasios.  Former Fresh Kills captain “Hollywood” Jeff Lesser has no idea whom to root for, as he has friends on both teams.  However, this may be a moot point, as he will probably be hanging out with A-listers while these teams play anyway.

Rehabs (8-5-0-1) at What The Puck (8-5)
Location: Tompkins West, 12:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 10-5
Game Notes: These two teams last met in the quarterfinals of the 2009 playoffs, where What The Puck knocked off the Rehabs 2-1.  Ollie Hartman provided the heroics with a game-winning goal that broke a 1-1 tie with five minutes remaining in regulation. Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta also scored for What The Puck, while Chantel Arroyo scored for the Rehabs.  However, none of these three players is expected to compete on Sunday.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  I question how many Rehabs can make the noon start.  I’m looking at you, Anita and Skuse.
Watchability: 4 DeBlasios

La Famiglia (6-7) at Mathematics (6-6-0-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 3-2
Game Notes: Despite winning its last four games, La Famiglia has not played since August 8.  The Mathematics had a five-game winning streak snapped in their last game at the hands of What The Puck.
Watchability: 3 DeBlasios.  Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens will NOT be playing in goal for the Mathematics, so this will not be a repeat of last season’s debacle.

Gouging Anklebiters (5-8) at Unicorns (5-8)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 6-4-1
Game Notes: The Unicorns snapped a five-game losing streak with a surprising 4-0 victory over Filthy Gorgeous in their last game.  The Gouging Anklebiters did not play that Saturday, with captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue citing religious beliefs.  When league manager Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta prodded Donohue for an explanation, he responded, “Saturday, Adriano, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don’t work, I don’t drive a car, I don’t fucking ride in a car, I don’t handle money, I don’t turn on the oven, and I sure as shit don’t fucking play ball hockey!”
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns.  The Gouging Anklebiters, especially Sarah Moore, may be looking ahead to their 5:30 game with La Famiglia.
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  Fact: 11% of America is now gay for Alex Derhohannesian.
Watchability: 3 DeBlasios

Sky Fighters (7-6-0-1) at Dark Rainbows (8-4-0-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 4-4
Game Notes: These Hackett Division rivals met in Week 6, when the Sky Fighters bested the Dark Rainbows 3-2 in overtime.  Greg “Mr. August” Cohan provided all three of the Sky Fighters’ goals in that victory.  The defending champions must defeat the division-leading Rainbows in order to maintain any hopes of capturing the division and #2 seed in the playoffs.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  Sky Fighters captain Dan Hopper has confirmed that Cohan is out for the season with an unspecified lower body injury.
Watchability: 4 DeBlasios

Butchers (4-6-0-4) at Cobra Kai (7-7)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Butchers lead 1-0
Game Notes: These Donohue Division foes last met in Week 12, when All-Star goalie Eric Ramirez and the Butchers blanked the Dojo 6-0.  Ben Bloom and “The Charismatic Enigma” Arthur Revechkis each notched two goals in the win.  However, both teams enter this matchup off of tough losses to division leaders, as the Butchers lost to the Denim Demons 5-1, while Cobra Kai was defeated by the Tompkins Square Riots 7-2.
Eli’s Pick: Butchers.  Like the Riots, the Butchers also wear maroon.
Derek’s Pick: Butchers
Watchability: 3 DeBlasios

LBS, Inc. (6-7-0-1) at Gut Rot (4-8-0-2)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: In what can only be described as a happy coincidence, this game takes place just two days after the four-year anniversary of Mexican Standoff’s infamous “Beach Day”, when the team no-showed for a game against LBS.  While both teams have undergone a name change since that balmy late summer day, the Corporation still harbors a lingering grudge.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc.
Watchability: 2 DeBlasios.  Sunday’s forecast calls for sunny skies and a high of 77 degrees…which is perfect beach weather.

Mega Touch (5-8-1) at Corlears Hookers (9-4)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-0
Game Notes: Mega Touch enters this inter-conference matchup on a three-game winning streak, including a 3-2 overtime shocker against Donohue Division-leading Fresh Kills in its last game.  However, the Corlears Hookers have yet to lose to a MacNeil Division opponent.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  Despite losing the offensive force of Noelle “Slapshot” Safar’s slapshot, they should have enough firepower to prevail.
Derek’s Pick: No pick.  Derek will be reffing this game.
Watchability: 2.5 DeBlasios

Poutine Machine (5-7-0-1) at Filthy Gorgeous (8-5-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: This game was put in the schedule specifically to fuel the flames of the heated rivalry between Poutine Machine captain Patrick “Sven” Larsen and Filthy Gorgeous captain Monica Russo.  Upon further review, we are not sure if this even qualifies as a row, let alone a feud, since the two will be married in October.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Congratulations to the happy couple.
Watchability: 2 DeBlasios

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Denim Demons (13-1) at Happy Little Elves (7-4-0-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Denim Demons lead 2-1
Game Notes: Snack food edition: The Demons are a party size bag of Doritos. You open it on Friday night and settle down with 5 episodes of The Wire from Netflix. By 2 am, your fingers are stained orange, along with your phone from the texts you sent blowing off 3 parties and the couch from where you only wiped off some of the nacho cheese dust. You have a raging headache and feel nauseous, and you’re pissed because in 5 episodes, Omar Little was only in one for maybe 10 minutes.  The Elves are a cellophane snack pack of those skinny little pretzels from the vending machine. You think there’s no way that little box will do anything for you. But 20 minutes later, you’re tired of eating them, sort of full, and there’s still a third of it left.
Vegas Line: Demons by 3.5
Jesse the Greek says: Take the Elves and the points. What sport is this again?
Watchability: 4.5 Combos

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Gouging Anklebiters (5-8) at La Famiglia (6-7)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 11-4
Game Notes: The Anklebiters are a 3-pack of Hostess Ho-Hos, greatly beloved by stoners and mistfits.  La Famiglia is a can of Pringles. Plain. Big game for both, with big playoff bye week implications.
Vegas Line: Famiglia by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Lay the points. Famigilia is red hot.
Watchability: 3 Funyuns

BTSH Fantasy Pool

(Total points in parentheses)

(12) John Meyer (DR): Michelle Doucet (WTP), Gavin Kearney (CH), Mike Pereira (DD)
(12) James Stein (Sky): Caroline Currie (FG), Gavin Kearney (CH), Ken Poulin (LBS)
(10) Dan “D.O.” Owens (FG): Gavin Kearney (CH), Dana Kravis (FG), Karsten Pichon (LBS)
(9) Rich Glanzer (HLE): Jason Eitel (CH), Courtney McBride (HLE), Karsten Pichon (LBS)
(9) Eli Kazin (Math): Jeff Kamen (DD), Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton (GA), James Pereira (FG)
(8) Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (CH): Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Caroline Currie (FG), Brendan Kearney (CH)
(7) Derek Tagliarino (Math): Ben Bloom (But), Caroline Morrissey-Bickerton (GA), James Pereira (FG)
(6) Eric Devlin (MT): Patrik Blohmé (TSR), Julie Katz (MT), Sunny Mehra (FG)
(6) Patrick “Sven” Larsen (PM): Haanwa Chau (Gut), Gavin Kearney (CH), Ken Poulin (LBS)
(6) Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens (DD): Caitlin (Uni), Mike Pereira (DD), Karsten Pichon (LBS)
(5)“The Chairman” Ben Chadwick (HLE): Rich Glanzer (HLE), Stacy Kehoe (Reh), Derek Tagliarino (Math)