Can You Guess Which Of These Elves Leads The League In Goals?

With just one week remaining in the regular season, the race for the 2010 BTSH scoring title is nearing a conclusion.  Here are the top contenders for this coveted honor, which guarantees one pull from the media’s Mystery Box at the end of season awards ceremony:

Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney, Corlears Hookers (14 goals): It’s no secret that Gavin’s offensive output is directly correlated to Jason Eitel’s busy summer schedule.  With Jason missing several games this season, Gavin has had the opportunity to play alongside teammates who actually pass the ball once in a while, a distinct difference from the days of Eitel.  However, Gavin still has his work cut out for him, as he faces the Denim Demons and the league’s toughest defense this weekend.  Odds of winning: 25-1.

Mike Pereira, Denim Demons (14 goals): Mike’s production has slid under the radar this season with teammate Zack Tinkelman getting the bulk of the media’s attention.  Although he has always boasted a strong goals per game average, this is the first season in recent memory that Mike’s attendance has been consistent enough to make a real impact.  Regardless, he will have to put up a hat trick against the staunch Corlears Hookers defense if he wants to win the scoring race.  Odds of winning: 20-1.

“The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin, LBS, Inc. (15 goals): One of the few certainties of BTSH is that year in and year out, Ken, along with his linemate Karsten Pichon, will always be among the top scoring tandems. This season is no different.  Once again, Ken has been extremely consistent throughout the season and has also produced the occasional outburst (4 goals vs. Tompkins Square Riots). He will face goaltender Craig “Ug” LaCombe and the Unicorns this Sunday.  Odds of winning: 12-1.

Zack Tinkelman, Denim Demons (16 goals): Zack has led the scoring race for most of the season, but has been caught from behind while serving a four-game suspension.  Although he is expected to sit out once again this Sunday, he still has a shot to win a share of the scoring title.  His captain, Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens notes, “If Zack wins the scoring title, it’s very similar to Shawne Merriman winning the sack title after being suspended for four games.  The difference is that Zack doesn’t use steroids as far as the league knows.”  Odds of winning: 10-1.

Karsten Pichon, LBS, Inc. (16 goals): As the defending scoring champion, Karsten finds himself in familiar territory.  As noted above, he and his linemate “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin have led the way for LBS, Inc.’s fourth ranked offense.  Karsten’s scoring has come in bunches, as he has recorded five multi-goal games, including four hat tricks.  Like Ken, Karsten will also face LaCombe and the Unicorns, but he enters with one more goal than his linemate.  Odds of winning: 2-1.

Trevor Beauclair, Happy Little Elves (16 goals): Trevor has taken the league by storm in his rookie season.  In one of the rare instances when Rich Glanzer was actually right about something, he has indeed been one of BTSH’s top scoring threats of the year.  However, with the Happy Little Elves’ new “Defensive Initiative,” Trevor has found himself on defense in recent weeks, so Glanzer may have indirectly cost Trevor the scoring title with his new strategy.  Trevor plays the defending champion Sky Fighters this Sunday.  Odds of winning: 2-1.

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Annika
Team: Gouging Anklebiters
Suggested Nickname: Sweetness
Rejected Nicknames: Doc, Candy Land, League Virtuoso, A-List
Origin: Marblehead, MA
College: Wesleyan University
First Job: Court scheduler at Gut ‘n Feathers Club, a private badminton organization
Current Job: Post-Doctoral Global Health Research Fellow for the Millennium Villages Project at The Earth Institute
Early Aspirations: To fix the giant clock in Marblehead’s Abbot Hall, which was destroyed in the famous 1955 lightning storm
Current Accomplishments: Completing her PhD program and earning her doctorate
Hero: Arthur Ashe
Reason to Love Her: She bounces her leg up and down whenever she’s happy.
Reason to Hate Her: She also does this whenever she’s anxious or stressed, so it’s tough to tell the difference.
Best Known For: Providing the perfect counter-balance to her teammate and known league degenerate, Alex Owen
Fast Fact: Although Annika attended Wesleyan at the same time as the characters on How I Met Your Mother, she did not have any classes with them.
Favorite Things: Her own dimples, multi-use furniture, Joshua Stedman, Amy Barrett Kovner’s Booze Berries
Favorite BTSH Team: The Gouging Anklebiters
Least Favorite Things: $howT!m3’s constant Facebook invitations, being hazed by teammate Sarah Moore, footnotes, poverty
Hockey Comparison: Andrew Ference
Non-Hockey Comparison: Mother Theresa
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Her: Unlike Dr. Byron Clavicle, Annika is a real doctor.
Down the Road: Annika travels to Nigeria several times throughout the next few years as part of her ongoing research.