Phil’s Not Going To Like This

Watch for the orgasm at the 20 second mark.

Scheduling Changes

Due to “rain fears” on August 2, changes were required in the upcoming BTSH schedule.  Here is a team by team listing of them:

Cobra Kai:
9/13: game vs. LBS, Inc. rescheduled to 4:30 PM

Corlears Hookers:
8/16: game vs. Mexican Standoff rescheduled to 4:00 PM
8/16: game vs. Sky Fighters added at 6:30 PM
9/20: game vs. Happy Little Elves rescheduled to 1:00 PM

Dark Rainbows:
8/16: game vs. What The Puck rescheduled to 3:00 PM
9/20: game vs. Rehabs rescheduled to 2:00 PM
9/20: game vs. LBS, Inc. added at 4:30 PM

Denim Demons:
9/27: game vs. Fresh Kills added at 4:30 PM

Filthy Gorgeous:
9/13: game vs. Rehabs added at 4:30 PM
9/27: game vs. Tuques rescheduled to 12:00 PM

Fresh Kills:
8/16: game vs. LBS, Inc. rescheduled to 3:00 PM
9/27: game vs. Rehabs rescheduled to 2:00 PM
9/27: game vs. Denim Demons added at 4:30 PM

Gouging Anklebiters:
8/16: game vs. Sky Fighters rescheduled to 4:00 PM
9/20: game vs. Tuques rescheduled to 1:00 PM

Happy Little Elves:
9/20: game vs. Corlears Hookers rescheduled to 1:00 PM

LBS, Inc.:
8/16: game vs. Fresh Kills rescheduled to 3:00 PM
9/13: game vs. Cobra Kai rescheduled to 4:30 PM
9/20: game vs. Unicorns rescheduled to 2:00 PM
9/20: game vs. Dark Rainbows added at 4:30 PM

Mathematics:
9/13: game vs. Rehabs rescheduled to 2:00 PM
9/20: game vs. Mega Touch rescheduled to 12:00 PM

Mega Touch:
9/20: game vs. Mathematics rescheduled to 12:00 PM

Mexican Standoff:
8/16: game vs. Corlears Hookers rescheduled to 4:00 PM
9/27: game vs. Sky Fighters rescheduled to 1:00 PM

Mighty Squirrels:
8/16: game vs. Rehabs rescheduled to 2:00 PM

Rehabs:
8/16: game vs. Mighty Squirrels rescheduled to 2:00 PM
9/13: game vs. Mathematics rescheduled to 2:00 PM
9/13: game vs. Filthy Gorgeous added at 4:30 PM
9/20: game vs. Dark Rainbows rescheduled to 2:00 PM

Sky Fighters:
8/16: game vs. Gouging Anklebiters rescheduled to 4:00 PM
8/16: game vs. Corlears Hookers added at 6:30 PM
9/27: game vs. Mexican Standoff rescheduled to 1:00 PM

Tuques:
9/20: game vs. Gouging Anklebiters rescheduled to 1:00 PM
9/27: game vs. Filthy Gorgeous rescheduled to 12:00 PM

Unicorns:
9/20: game vs. LBS, Inc. rescheduled to 2:00 PM

What The Puck:
8/16: game vs. Dark Rainbows rescheduled to 3:00 PM

Know Your Neighbor

Name: Adam Rubens
Team: Denim Demons
Nickname: Legend Killer
Rejected Nicknames: Ruby Tuesday, Reubens, Viper, Cowboy
Origin: Northbrook, IL
College: Various
Early Aspirations: To find out why Cameron Frye wore a Gordie Howe jersey despite living in Chicago
First Job: Paper sweeper at Chicago Mercantile Exchange
Current Job: Technical Director for an unspecified Marketing/Advertising firm
Hero: Rod Blagojevich, a champion for ordinary people
Reason to Love Him: As a ref, he is known as “the man who calls it right down the middle.”
Reason to Hate Him: Ask the Rehabs.
Fast Fact: Adam once led an impromptu singing of “Danke Schoen” and “Twist and Shout” during the Von Steuben Day parade.
Favorite Things: Chicago Fire, tacos, Edens Expressway, Risky Business
Favorite Sandwich: Reuben Croque-monsieur
Least Favorite Things: Chicago fire, thin crust pizza, lofting, Green Bay Packers
Best Known For: His guest column comparing every BTSH team to a professional soccer club
Hockey Comparison: Rick Nash
Non-Hockey Comparison: Randy Orton
Things the Media Will Continue to Overhype about Him: He rules the Denim Demons with an iron fist.
Down the Road: Due to a registration glitch, Adam ends up on Mexican Standoff, instead of the Denim Demons.  However, happy with the new addition, Standoff captain Ellery “The Nature Boy” (who took over the job from Peaches) refuses to return Rubens to his former team.  Instead, Ellery names him co-captain. much to Rubens’ (and Standoff’s) chagrin.  In a calculated by-product of the Schuie-tron 3000, Standoff’s first game under this new regime is against the Denim Demons (now captained by Danny Polinsky).  Standoff wins 4-2 on goals from Gary, Ben, Amanda, and Len.  Rubens, thinking his team should have shut out the Demons, forces Standoff to run suicides after the game.