BTSH Logobtsh.org
← Back to Media

Week 16 – Game Previews – Part 1

DSC01723
FROM THE COMMISH: This Sunday will be Bill Tucker’s last Sunday/Farewell party at ACE. We will haveBTSH DJS all day/night, pizza, Petra and Trivia will have a Jaeger launch with raffles and sports related trivia that night. So call in sick on Monday and see Billy off proper to Texas. He’s been such a huge help this season. 

Mega Touch at Mathematics,
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

With all the colors of the rainbow to choose from, why do we have two grey teams in BTSH (and why are there four in Moffo?). That’s the question the old, curmudgeonly former Bad Touchers ask themselves every time they meet up with Math. We can’t tell you how many times we’ve heard Alex Eben Meyer say “What’s next? Striped socks? That’s my thing. That’s my thing that I do.”. Get over it Alex. Or at least find a kindred soul on Math and ask if this is what it sounds like when doves cry.

Math aren’s as fashion obsessed but that’s only because Mama Norris kept her kids in Grranimals until they were 14. Don’t be surprised to see Giraffe tags be an essential part of next years uniform. They’ve got bigger concerns though. Captain Derek has abandoned the team to become a soccer hooligan and Eli has been curled up in the corner of some Boston banquet hall muttering, “This can’t be happening.” Meanwhile, the Norri continue to consolidate their power. Only Brad seems to be putting up any resistance to their bloodless coup. Word has it that he was spotted in clandestine meetings with Math alumni Laura Macneil and Sharif Corinaldi. Will they return from exile to restore the once proud Math tradition of losing in an extremely witty way?

Politics make strange bedfellows. But the wheels won’t turn fast enough to guarantee a win for Mega Touch this Sunday. While the Awesome Feelers have been getting scoring from all over the place, they’ll need Adriano “Stai Calmo” Bratta to wake up and deliver multiple points if they want to beat the ever growing Norris dynasty.

Tompkins Square Riots at Gut Rot,
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square West

We’re actually jealous of anyone who gets to play in this game. Sure, both these teams are lower down in the standings. But this promises to be the kind of fun, chill game that BTSH was built on. TSR are coming off of a strong performance against the Filthys last week. For the first time in ages they had a full roster and when that happens they can take on any team in the league. But there is no way they’re beating Gut Rot this Sunday.

Why? The answer is simple – Bill Tucker. As much as BIll has meant to the league, he’s meant even more to GR. After I foolishly told him at the free agent scrimmage that we had a goalie, I introduced Bill to Peaches and the rest is history. Gut Rot has grown stronger every year and Bill has become the public face of the team (thereby allowing Peaches to carry out more of the CIA sanctioned covert missions that so often take him away from his captaining duties). And as karma, I spent the next 16 games of that season looking for a netminder. But that’s another story.

Bill has not only been a solid presence between the pipes. He also recruited covert goal scorer Jamie, who has quietly become one of the Moonshiners leading goal scorers. Bill has also exemplified the spirit of GR, chill and laid back but intense when the situation called for it. He can also hold his liquor, a key asset for any Standoff hall of famer. This game marks Bill’s farewell to GR and we know that his teammates will be playing their hearts out for him. Forget playoffs, forget BTSH championships, for the mutli-shirted sons and daughters of the Rot, this is their Stanley Cup final.

Lbs. at Happy Little Elves,
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West

The current league champions face off against former league champions (you like that Rich?) in a top-tier matchup. But these are two teams headed in opposite directions. The Lbs. are coming off a commanding win against the Corlears Hookers. Meanwhile, the not-so Happy Elves are reeling from back to back losses against the Demons and Fresh Kills. They could have used a nice chill game against a laid back team like the …hmm, there aren’t too many of these teams left are there?

And the Lbs. can be described as many things. But laid back is not one of them. They are a pretty clean team though. And hopefully that will keep some of HLE’s hotter heads under control.

While we’ve been talking about Bill Tucker a lot this week, we’ve heard a nasty rumor that this could be Ken Poulin’s last game as well. We’re not sure if that’s completely accurate but we know that Ken and his family will be headed off for New Hampshire soon and that will mark yet another chapter in league history. Like Andy Pratt before him, Ken is one of the oldest of the old-school BTSHers. The Ken and Karsten show is like PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. You can’t remember a time when it wasn’t around. And it’s been the core around which the Lbs. have built more than one BTSH team. For many new players, Ken is not a well known league personality. But as a former teammate of his and a longtime fellow BTSHer, I can vouch for the fact that he’s one of the sweetest guys you’ll ever meet (off the court at least). He’s also one of the funniest. My favorite memory of Ken is watching him completely disrupt a Captain’s meeting a couple of years ago while Adriano choked back a mixture of amusement and frustration. Let’s just say that if Ken ran for Congress, we’d all watch a lot more C-Span. So while you’re raising your glasses to Bill and Jamie this Sunday make sure you order up a Molson or two for old Ken Poulin. Bon voyage, mon ami!

Dark Rainbows at Butchers
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “the Moffo Matchmaker” Russo

The Butchers and the Rainbows have almost identical standings. Huh. Would you look at that.

Anyway, I’m going to write about Bill and Jamie leaving, because that is what I was instructed to do. But neither Bill nor Jamie are on Butchers/Rainbows. So what to do? I could say something like “Bill and Jamie are going to ride a rainbow to Austin, where Jamie will hone her meat-cutting skills (get it? Butcher*?), but that’s kind of a half-hearted attempt, and Bill and Jamie don’t deserve a half-hearted attempt. 

Instead, I’ll tell a story I happen to know about the origins of Bill and Jamie. 

I got to know Bill when he was goalie for my Moffo team, Dependable Scrap. During the freezing cold winter season, there would be exactly one spectator chilling her ass on those frigid-ass benches. Jamie. Whenever any of us acted like yentas and pointed out that they made an adorable couple, Bill and Jamie would tell us “no, we’re just good friends.” I didn’t buy it.

Obviously, I was right. They’re not “just good friends.” Because dude, NONE of your “friends” are going to watch you play street hockey in the dead of winter on a less-than-winning team. Truth.

*According to thesaurus.com, “boner” is a synonym for “butcher.” Again. Would you look at that?

What the Puck at Rehabs
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Rich “Stacy Forever” Glanzer

This Sunday, the Rehabs get to play everyone’s favorite game, Where’s What the Puck? The Pucksters have forfeited their last two games and with Derk refusing to cancel his honeymoon plans with Michelle Tagliarino, and Romeo searching his cell phone contact list from 1999 so he can ask for more donations for his NJ Equity Charity Walk, we can’t be sure that the men and women in orange will pull a Chadtrick, and forfeit three straight games. However there is hope as Gina should be there, since she wasn’t at Michelle’s and Derek’s wedding. (BTW, I was, and it was awesome!).

In reality, there is no way Larry won’t be at this game. The Rehabs have been WTP’s minor league team for years and it wont surprise me if we see $h0wDa$h—T!m3 hitting Bryan Welch over the head with a chair, and finally putting on the orange. So with the probable defection of $h0wTrAiT0r, the Rehabs just cant hang with WTP. As good as Feldmen, $h0wJu and that weird Italian guy that nobody knows his name are, there is just no way, no way this team could win. 

Well there is one way. And that’s if Kehoe or MDF would come back. But Kehoe has stolen Tim Brown’s Pirates hat and sworn never to leave Pittsburgh again. Meanwhile MDF is dominating the Beirut Basketball League. If one of them returned, my pick changes to 4-1 Rehabs. But the Two Sisters of Mayhem are gone, and sadly, much like Meredith’s Viking Helmet that I personally killed, we will never see them again. 

As for Bill he is largely responsible for the  biggest *single game* upset in BTSH playoff history when his Gut Rottians defeated WTP 6-5 in a shootout. I reffed that game and I can say it was my favorite game I ever reffed in BTSH and one of my favorites of all time in my 17 or so years reffing. It was a back and forth game and both teams left it all on the rink and it was pretty cool watching WTP make an amazing comeback but just as cool watching Gut Rot winning in a shootout. 
Bill did a lot for this league and we will miss him. Jamie was always awesome on the courts and at the bar and no one blames Bill for choosing Jamie over BTSH. Though we are free to blame Jamie for leaving us in the first place! 
Good luck guys.
← Back to Media