Sit back, relax and savor these SUPER-SIZED previews! Brought to you by Rachel A-Korn, Cheekbones and Izzy Sleaze and sponsored by the BTSH Olympics.

Filthier at LBS, Inc.

For those of you who follow the East Village division, these two teams are neck and neck, as is pretty much the entire division. The LBS are reclaiming their spot as an elite team, and Filthier, despite a few rough loses, is still the reigning champ and force to be reckoned with. Or should it be a force with which to be reckoned? (I’ll have Glanzer confirm my grammar.)  Jake, Liz, Sam and the rest of LBS are coming off a tough loss and looking to bounce back. There are absurdly good shooters on both sides of the ball, but the real battle here is the battle of the tenders Tim.

Prediction: Filthy in a shootout, just because it sounds like it’ll be more fun to watch.

Mega Touch at Gremlins

Mega Touch is on a roll (as I keep mentioning), and well, the Gremlins are not. Interesting look here, if things keep progressing this way, Mega Touch might take Gremlin’s coveted spot in the Johnson’s Division. Gremlins are going to fight hard to keep themselves out of the all-too-familiar Hi-Fi division. They only have one point on WTP.

Advice to Gremmies: don’t let this go to shoot out. Julie and Jamie have a complicated relationship in shoot outs, and Tuckman just loves ‘em.

Prediction: Gremmies by 1, they don’t like Hi-Fi.

Tompkins Square Riots at Cobra Kai

The July dog days of summer have been unkind to the evil dojo and August doesn’t appear to be any friendlier. They start the month off by facing those scrappy Riots and their El Pared de Sussudio. If they want to get back on track, they’ll need to start by focusing on trusting their instincts and converting turnovers into shots on net.

Ironically enough, that’s exactly what those Riots will be looking to do also. They too, have been struggling to put balls in net despite outworking their opponents. Instead of looking for that extra pass, just throw it on net and hope that Nick is still lost somewhere in a frozen margarita.

Prediction: JR and Sebastian get CK back into the win column by eking out a 2-1 victory.

Gouging Anklebiters at Mathematics

We’re not sure which we prefer, playing hockey with these guys or drinking with them. We could ref this game, or just get a beer or a bear trap with them.

Both teams are really looking forward to the BTSH Olympics (August 21^st at Parkside Lounge – more details to follow) and have started wagering on who’ll stumble away with the most medals (do participants earn medals or just a severe hangover?).

Prediction: Derek doesn’t score again, but it won’t matter as Sam, Sarah and Eli take care of business and the Biters 5-2.

Rehabs at Denim Demons

The Demons have quietly ascended to the top of their division over the past couple of weeks due to balanced execution on offense and defense. They might be just a mere +3 goal differential, but winning by 1 is still #winning. Plus, not enough can be said about their main blue-collar enforcer JR. When she’s in the lineup, this team means business.

The Rehabs have been enjoying their own success over the course of the season…. despite their shallow lady bench and the talented yet AWOL Ryann and Monique, they still find a way to win. Currently riding a 9-game winning streak, confidence is high that they’ll be able to solve the Demons’ Man-Child in net.

Prediction: this one goes to overtime with the Demons snapping the Rehabs winning streak 3-2.

So Diana and I both wrote a Fresh Kills at Butchers preview for Rachel and we ended up predicting different outcomes. Vegas and the BTSH media team have decided to open the betting lines on who will win the Game of the Week (in my opinion at least). Just submit your pick to btsh.media@gmail.com with the Subject ‘GTW Pick’ and for those of you that correctly pick Fresh Kills to win Diana will owe you either a favor or a beer.

Fresh Kills at Butchers by Diana

People are getting married and it’s throwing the betting world into complete f*cking chaos. How is Rachel going to fare as she guns for goal #3 after a night out at Diane’s bachelorette party? Josh and Art are key players for the Butchers, but what shape will they be in at 3pm after Josh’s bachelor party? In my experience, that’s when the hangover sweats get SERRRRIUZ. Also on everyone(with lady parts)’s mind is are they gonna bring this guy with them to fill in the gap against Gabe and Sheena’s sweet moves on the court? Whatever happens, Art and Ariel can have a Russian stand-off and give the crowd a good show. I’m going to predict that booze fuels some “let’s get this the f*ck over with” goal scoring from the Butchers and they pull it out.

Prediction: Butchers win 3-1

Fresh Kills at Butchers by Isaac

GAME OF THE WEEK

If you are allotted any additional time away from family or significant others this Sunday, spend it watching this contest.

We all know the storied history of Fresh Kills and the challenge they pose each week for opposing teams. They have the skill, veteran savvy and solid goal tending to make any BTSH player question whether missing brunch is worth playing them.

The Butchers on the other hand have tossed aside past season’s labels of ‘loud and objective’ and replaced it with ‘speed and precision.’ Their ability to quickly run up the score with accuracy in passing and shot selection has often left their opponents stunned like Nasir ‘Naz’ Khan in the Rikers’ shower room wondering ‘how did we get here?’

Prediction: the Kills slow the Butchers roll and bang out a W 6-4.

Sky Fighters at Instant Karma

These old Glanzer Division rivals may have headed in opposite directions at the end of last season, but Karma hasn’t forgotten how their last matchup went. Olivier was feeding players asphalt, Scoops was stomping on toes and the Teytelbaum brothers were slashing when the refs weren’t looking. In fact, the only Sky Fighters displaying any sportsmanship were Greg and their former captain Hopper. Ben, Mike and the Karma gang have had this match up circled for a while and will not only be out to settle the score, but a little bit of blood too.

Prediction: we all know the Chairman can talk the talk (or write the write), but we’re not convinced he’s learned to walk the walk. Sky Fighters win again 4-2.

What The Puck at Gut Rot

Gut Rot really took it to the Rehabs last week, let’s be honest nobody showed up to watch it, but they hung tough and made a game out of it. So WTP, you better be alert, on your game and watch out for these underdogs.

And hey, Gilligan, are you there? Will BTSH see you again this season?

Prediction: Gut Rot ignores the static and carries over the momentum from last week’s moral victory, converting it into another virtuoso showing and earning their second win in 2016 by 2-1.

Corlears Hookers at Fuzz

I’ll admit that I’m relatively new to BTSH and the history of most teams, but if I’m not mistaken, aren’t the Hookers supposed to be one of most feared? They are only two years removed from almost getting kicked out of ACE bar by soaking themselves (and those within close proximity) in the champagne of beers (Miller High Life) after winning the PBR Cup. But since then there’s been a bit of decline. Can someone shine some light on what seems to ail these purple people?

The Fuzz have been brought back to down to the land of Elves within the past couple of weeks by underestimating their recent opponents. (Casual game planning never wins championships Alyssa.) Take away Hicks (5 goals in the last 3 games) and Miles and this team looks quite pedestrian.

Prediction: Hookers burst out of the heat break HOT and pull off the upset 5-4.

Poutine Machine at Dark Rainbows

Earlier this week the Rainbows bid farewell to a staple in the NYC hockey community. (And they couldn’t be more delighted about it – just kidding Aaron!) His skill, speed and feisty attitude along the blue line will be missed. But with a subtraction the door opens for an addition…. League veteran Bernstein will be taking on the mantle of Dark Rainbow Dick.

Speaking of players accustomed to walking to fine of breaking the league’s first rule, let’s talk about Poutine! They’ve been riding a wave of second half season success by clamping down on defense and keeping opposing offenses in check. The reputation they’ve gained this season as over aggressive and dirty has been nothing but hyperbole. They’re more like pesky and proud.

Prediction: the Machine will be sticking out their chests a little further at the end of this one by 3-1.