Say No More (Mon Amour)

It’s Rex Manning Day!!!
A buzz was in the air last weekend. Although, on the face of it, Sunday seemed like it would just be a normal day of BTSH hockey, league commissioner Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg had other ideas. Through his extensive connections in the music industry, Weyersberg arranged for famed recording artist Rex Manning to appear at Welcome to the Johnson’s. He dubbed it “Rex Manning Day”. Despite the long lines this created at BTSH’s favorite hockey bar, everyones excitement level was sky-high for a chance to meet the British pop star. One BTSHer, Filthy Gorgeous’s Monica Russo, even fainted upon meeting the icon, when Manning gave her a light peck on the cheek. What The Puck’s Corey “Chongo” Winters described the spectacle, “This was truly the happiest day in my life. I have all of his albums, so to finally meet Rex Manning in person is a dream come true, eh?” The best news of the day came at the end of the evening, when bartender Brent Smith announced that the event had raised enough money to prevent the Johnson’s from turning into a Music Town.

A (Far Too Early) Conversation With $howT!m3
$howT!m3 (7:35 AM): Good morning sir, I have a wager for Ellery [“The Nature Boy” Gillette]…
Media (7:35 AM): Okay…
$howT!m3 (7:36 AM): Whichever team loses next week, either him or I must cut off our “Puerto Rican goatees” on the spot.
Media (7:37 AM): Interesting…he agreed to this, or you’re challenging him?
$howT!m3 (7:37 AM): A challenge.
Media (7:38 AM): Okay…
$howT!m3 (7:38 AM): Villano [Alex Zabala] may want in on this.
Media (7:39 AM): We’ll see what happens…

Something Good About the Happy Little Elves
Happy Little Elves captain Ben Chadwick provided the following (unsolicited) summation of his team:

In the last two weeks you have witnessed the turning of a dark corner, much like when the Washington Capitals hired Bruce Boudreau. And I have a feeling we just might squeak into the playoffs, also like the Capitals…now if we could just get another &@#%&*!@% win.

Incidentally, I don’t know if this is journalistically worthy of the BTSH Daily Herald, but today was ‘We Love Rich Day’. The first Rich Glanzer to arrive at the game received a free beer and a lot of cheering from his fan section, who are known as ‘Rich’s Bitches’.

Know Your Neighbors

Name: Abigail Meisterman
Team: Denim Demons
Nickname: Abby
Suggested Nickname: Dewey
Rejected Nicknames: Jersey’s Finest, The Scarlet Knight, ‘Gail, Cherry
Origin: Collingswood, NJ
College: Rutgers, State University of New Jersey at New Brunswick
Early Aspirations: To read a book from beginning to end…in that order.
First Job: Town Borough Crier.
Current Job: Media Specialist for the New York Public Library
Reason To Love Her: She’ll give you things for free and allow you to return them on the honor system.
Reason To Hate Her: She’ll shush you if you don’t use your “indoor voice”.
Best Known For: Being the only player in BTSH with a decimal point in her uniform number.
Fast Fact: Abby once served as the Beer Baron of Collingswood, which does not license any establishments to serve or sell alcoholic beverages inside borough limits, a policy that dates back to 1873.
Favorite Things: Swamps, jug-handle turns, literacy, the smell of freshly cut grass
Hero: Johannes Gutenberg
Favorite Movie: From Justin to Kelly
Hockey Comparison: Miroslav Satan (he’s a Demon, get it?)
Non-Hockey Comparison: Dewey from Malcolm in the Middle
Reason The Media Will Continue to Over-hype Her: We know a few people who can read.  We know a few people who look at the blog.  She does both.
Down The Road: After a successful career spent entirely with the Demons, Abby moves back to Collingswood, NJ.  After all, as the town motto claims, “It’s Where You Want To Be.”

Captains’ Commendations

Bad Touch: Alex Gross is a real Frenchman and not one of those “bullshit” French Canadians.
Cobra Kai: Ara “6-1-9!” Arnn was solid on D and did his job quietly without much fanfare.
Corlears Hookers: Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney was all over the court making things happen for the  Hookers, who had no male subs.
Dark Rainbows: Trevor “White Jesus” Terrell.
Denim Demons (1): Dave Shyu fought through illness.
Denim Demons (2): “Props to all the Demons for keeping their heads high and coming back strong after the earlier loss.” – Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens
Filthy Gorgeous: “All the people who were outuntil four in the morning last night, including Suvin [“The Guru” Malik], Matt W[orkman], [Liza] Watts, and me [Monica Russo]…even though I was only out until two.” – Monica Russo
Gouging Anklebiters: “Naomi [Gabay],for taking balls to the throat (like she normally does) and still playing.” – Phil “Sandy” Donohue
Happy Little Elves: Melanie Pessin played defense for the first time and did a “damned good job of it”.  She also took one for the team and lived to tell the unhappy little tale.
LBS, Inc.: “Seth [Wachtell]was three goals away from a shutout.” – Sascha Puritz
Mathematics: Adam Langer’s animalistic intensity buoyed the entire team’s spirits.
Mighty Squirrels: Megan Bailey played in her first BTSH game.
Rehabs: Anthony Romeo had a shutout.
Sky Fighters: “James [Stein] had so many shots on him, it was insane…like a pinball machine.” – Amy Lott
Tuques (1): Nik Nikolaidis played well in his first game.
Tuques (2): The whole team made it through two games in a row in hot and muggy conditions.
Unicorns: Sara, on defense.
What The Puck: “All Pucks past and presentwho celebrated our seven year anniversary at our What The Puck reunion this weekend.” – Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer