Cobra Kai Will Have A Big Problem On Sunday

GAME OF THE WEEK
Mathematics (3-10) vs. Volanto’s Heroes Cobra Kai (3-8-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 4-0
Game Notes: In 2005, these two teams were united as a single “super team” called Henry Motion.  However, a difference in playing philosophies caused a rift in the team, as the uber-competitive Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi and Sarah Coombs founded the Mathematics, and the mild-mannered Peter Oblamski retained control of Henry Motion (later renamed Cobra Kai).  Tensions continued when original Cobra Kai members Eli Kazin and Derek Tagliarino defected to the rebel Math team in the middle of the 2007 season.  The series reached a fever pitch in last year’s matchup, as the Mathematics beat Cobra Kai 3-2 in overtime, with the hated (and third string) Tagliarino in net.  Now, one year later, Cobra Kai is eagerly awaiting this Sunday’s rematch.  They have scheduled a pep rally and bonfire for Saturday night, where they plan to burn many mathematics text books.
Keys To The Game:
1. An anonymous source reports that Cobra Kai captain Peter Oblamski has resigned from the team, effective immediately.  The team will miss his crafty game planning and inspirational leadership.
2. Jeff “The Hawk” Hawkins scored his first goal for the Mathematics in their last game.  With Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi pursuing an education in California, The Hawk will see a bigger role in the Mathematics’ game plan.
3. In a shrewd mid-season acquisition, the Mathematics have obtained Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta from Cobra Kai, due to an unknown loophole in the BTSH application process (they bribed Bob W).  Interestingly, Bratta made a point to note that it will be a tad chilly on Sunday, so he will wear a second t-shirt under his Mathematics jersey.

Fresh Kills (6-5-0-1) vs. Bad Touch (1-10-1)
Location: Moffo, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 5-2
Game Notes: Fresh Kills sharpshooter Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg has vowed to do a choreographed dance routine in celebration of his next goal.  Sadly, this game will use regulation size goals, so that event is highly unlikely.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  Something about this game seems awfully familiar…

What The Puck (10-2-0-1) vs. Mighty Squirrels (7-2-3)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 3-0
Game Notes: After remaining unbeaten in their first ten games, the Mighty Squirrels have now dropped two in a row.  Things do not get any easier this week as they face off against What The Puck, who is currently in first place.  The Squirrels will definitely have their hands full as they try to contain the league’s top offense.  Too bad this game will be overshadowed by the Mathematics-Cobra Kai blood feud, which will be played at the same time.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck.  Father Time’s bad back > (S)crappy’s bad back
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Larry proves once and for all that Long Island is better than New Jersey.

Filthy Gorgeous (8-4-1) vs. Mexican Standoff (1-9-2-1)
Location: Moffo, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 2-0
Game Notes: This game may be Mexican Standoff superstar Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette’s last game in BTSH this season as the NFL (and hence, Redskin) season begins.  Fortunately for Standoff, the Redskins play on Thursday this week, so they will have “Naitch” one last time.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Some might argue that Ellery is actually a detriment.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous

Denim Demons (8-0-2-1) vs. Happy Little Elves (1-11-1)
Location: Corlears North, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Demons ride into this game as the only team without a regulation loss this season and on the heels of an impressive–though not unexpected–win over the Corlears Hookers.  The Elves ride into this game on a tricycle they found in a New Jersey landfill.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons

Corlears Hookers (10-2) vs. LBS, Inc. (9-3-1)
Location: Corlears South, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 1-0
Game Notes: LBS, Inc. scoring machine Ken “The Alpha Male” Poulin had the following to say about the Corlears Hookers (NSFW):

The Corlears Hookers will wear purple for the game.
Eli’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  They’re already coming off of a loss, so Ken’s comments will only serve to motivate them even more.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers

Unicorns (8-5) vs. Gouging Anklebiters (3-10)
Location: Moffo, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 6-2-1
Game Notes: The Unicorns entered the break on a five game winning streak and with possession of the coveted (though imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.  Did the month away from hockey kill their momentum, or will they continue to charge up the standings?
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns.  No, yes.
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns.  However, it should be noted that the Unicorns may be looking towards next week’s game against the Mighty Squirrels, so this could be a “sand trap” game for them.

Tuques (4-7) vs. Sky Fighters (7-5)
Location: Corlears North, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 7-4
Game Notes: Rumor has it that Sky Fighters captain Amy Lott was John McCain’s original pick to be vice-president, but she was quickly dismissed for foul language.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  Such a shame…Cincinnati native Lott could have delivered Ohio for McCain.
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  In other Sky Fighters related news, Lott has convinced Martin Cejka to change his name legally to “Ocho Cinco”.

Dark Rainbows (9-3-1) vs. Fresh Kills (6-5-0-1)
Location: Corlears South, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 5-1
Game Notes: These two teams last met in a thrilling semi-final matchup in the 2007 playoffs.  The Rainbows emerged victorious behind the stellar goaltending of Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell.  However, with former Rainbows goaltender John Meyer back in New York, captain Sean Reynolds may have a goalie controversy on his hands.  Of course, with Reynold’s mid-break addition of Henrik Lundqvist to the team, there will be three players potentially competing for the job.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows.  Fresh Kills is old, and this is their second game of the day.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows

Rehabs (7-4-1-1) vs. Bad Touch (1-10-1)
Location: Moffo, 5:00 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 5-4
Game Notes: Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez and Alex “Villano VI” Zabala face off against one of their many former teams in this contest.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  However, Eric Devlin scores one goal for Bad Touch.

Media Records:
Eli: 69-31
Derek: 67-33