Who Farted?

GAME OF THE WEEK
Filthy Gorgeous (8-3-0-1) at Corlears Hookers (8-3)
Location: Corlears South, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 6-0
Game Notes: Filthy Gorgeous has never beaten the Corlears Hookers.  These Rubens Division rivals last met in Week 5 when the Hookers edged Filthy 3-2.  Although the game was tied deep into the second half, Corlears Hookers leading scorer Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney notched a late game-winning goal to continue his team’s dominance in this series.  Despite this loss, Filthy Gorgeous persevered, going 6-0-0-1 in its next seven games.  However, this streak ended last week, when the Dark Rainbows handed Filthy a 3-2 loss.  The Hookers, on the other hand, enter this game on a modest three-game winning streak in which they have outscored their opponents 14-5.  The team is looking forward to returning to its namesake park to clash with an old rival.
Keys To The Game:
1. With Filthy Gorgeous listed as the road team for this matchup, the team may be forced to wear its alternate jerseys.  However, instead of donning their usual beige V-necks, team members have expressed strong interest in sporting Filthy’s electric lime green throwbacks as part of the league’s farewell to Corlears Hook Park.
2. Corlears Hookers goalie Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson is clearly amped for this game.  He has volunteered this lengthy video featuring his analysis of Filthy’s strengths and possible conflicts of interest.
3. In response to Filthy Gorgeous’ recent addition of a third Pereira brother, John “Scooter” Pereira, the Corlears Hookers have added a third Kearney.  This week, Brendan and Gavin’s eleven-year old brother, Stephen “Dutch’s Fake Other Brother” Kearney will make his debut for the Hookers.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers.  It’s tough to bet against this history.
Watchability: 4.5 Mangans.  Only one point separates these adversaries in the standings.

Butchers (3-5-0-4) at Gouging Anklebiters (5-7)
Location: Corlears North, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Gouging Anklebiters lead 1-0
Game Notes: The Butchers’ loss in overtime to La Famiglia last Sunday was their fourth overtime or shootout loss of the season.  Their meeting with the Gouging Anklebiters in Week 2 was one of these extra time losses, as the Anklebiters rallied for a 2-1 shootout victory.  Alex Derhohannesian, who scored the Anklebiters’ lone shootout goal in that game, leads his team with 10 goals on the season.
Eli’s Pick: Butchers.  With this game on the North court, Jeff “Hawk” Hawkins is perfectly set up a goal celebration on top of the bird fountain.
Derek’s Pick: Gouging Anklebiters.  I received far too much flak for picking against them last week (even though I was right).
Watchability: 3 Mangans

Poutine Machine (4-7) at Mega Touch (3-8-1)
Location: Corlears South, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Poutine Machine leads 1-0
Game Notes: These MacNeil Division foes faced off in Week 7, when Poutine Machine blanked Mega Touch 1-0.  Dave Paglia, who is tied for the team lead, scored the only goal of the game.  However, Mega Touch enters this rematch with some momentum, as the team knocked off the division leading Tompkins Square Riots last Sunday.
Eli’s Pick: Mega Touch…even though Eric Devlin hates playing on the South court.
Derek’s Pick: Mega Touch
Watchability: 2.5 Mangans

Gut Rot (4-6-0-2) at Happy Little Elves (5-4-0-3)
Location: Corlears North, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Whenever the Happy Little Elves play, expect a high-scoring affair.  They have scored the most goals, but have also allowed the most goals in the league.  Although this aggressive style of play gave them a hot start to the season, they have now lost five of their last six games.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves
Derek’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  This pick comes despite the fact that the Elves have never won at Corlears Hook Park.
Watchability: 3.5 Mangans

Cobra Kai (7-5) at Sky Fighters (6-5-0-1)
Location: Corlears South, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Cobra Kai leads 4-1
Game Notes: Cobra Kai’s Rem “Canadian Strongman” Garavito enters this weekend fresh off of the game of his career.  Taking advantage of a decimated What The Puck squad, Garavito tallied five goals against the Orange Juggernaut.  Meanwhile, the Sky Fighters are coming off of a tough 1-0 loss to the Denim Demons and will be looking to put up some goals in this contest.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters.  They succeed.
Watchability: 3 Mangans

What The Puck (7-4) at LBS, Inc. (5-6-0-1)
Location: Corlears North, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 7-7
Game Notes: In Week 9, What The Puck beat LBS, Inc. 6-2 to run its record to 7-0.  To say Larry’s Orange Juggernaut has struggled since then would be an understatement.  A 4-2 loss to Filthy Gorgeous  in Week 10 dashed any hopes of an undefeated season, but the worst was yet to come.  Unable to field a team for the next two weeks, What The Puck forfeited to the Denim Demons and Gouging Anklebiters, and last Sunday, a skeleton squad barely avoided the mercy rule in a 9-0 waxing at the hands of Cobra Kai.  The Corporation, meanwhile, has scored seven goals in each of its last two games, wins against the Tompkins Square Riots and Happy Little Elves.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. Larry is expecting a full roster this week, largely because of his new acquisitions Karsten Pichon and “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck
Watchability: 4 Mangans.  If WTP does indeed field a full squad, these Rubens Division teams should play an exciting game.

Fresh Kills (8-3-0-1) at La Famiglia (5-7)
Location: Corlears North, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 11-1
Game Notes: Although these teams are Donohue Division foes, this will be their only regular season meeting due to a Week 3 “rain fears” cancellation.  La Famiglia has won three games in a row, and although they are currently last in the division, still have an outside chance of catching up to first place Fresh Kills.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Derek’s Pick: Fresh Kills
Watchability: 3 Mangans.  A win for Fresh Kills would officially eliminate La Famiglia from winning the Donohue Division.

Unicorns (4-7) at Rehabs (6-5-0-1)
Location: Corlears South, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Rehabs lead 10-6-1
Game Notes: Due to a scheduling anomaly, these Hackett Division rivals face off for the second consecutive week.  Last Sunday, the Rehabs celebrated Anita Khar’s birthday in style with a 4-2 win against the Unicorns, although Khar was noticeably absent from the festivities.  Rehabs rookie Brock Bosacker, playing in his first game, led the way with two goals.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs.  Anita finally recovered from her birthday Thursday and should be ready to go.
Watchability: 3.5 Mangans

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Dark Rainbows (7-3-0-2) at Denim Demons (11-1)
Location: Corlears North, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 8-1-1
Game Notes: The Rainbows have traditionally owned the Demons (they’ve owned a lot of teams, to be fair), and the former champs are solid again this year, sitting in first place in the Hackett Division. But it is clearly a new day in Denimtown, as the Red Scare is out to an 11-1 record with the most goals on the year and by far the best goal differential. When asked what the secret is, Demons goalie Coach Pagdon credited a raw food diet and his lucky titanium Prince Albert. Whatever it is, it’s working.
Vegas Line: Demons by 2.5
Jesse the Greek says: Can anyone stop the Demonaughts? Nah, B. Give the points.
Watchability: 3 Don Delillo novels.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Mathematics (5-5-0-2) at Tompkins Square Riots (6-5-1)
Location: Corlears South, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tompkins Square Riots lead 1-0
Game Notes: Wow, is the MacNeil Division bad. This is a matchup of #1 and #2 in the division, but neither would be any better than 3rd in any other group, and the Riots are the only team that’s scored more than they’ve given up. Math seems to have turned things around after a slow start, winning their last 4. The division title, and all the glory, home field advantage, and playoff TV revenue that will generate, is on the line this week.
Vegas Line: Riots by 1
Jesse the Greek says: Take the point. Maths in an upset.
Watchability: 2.5 Rolos

BTSH Fantasy Pool

(Total points in parentheses)

(9) James Stein (Sky) – Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Caitlin (Uni), Dave Sokolyansky (FK)
(7) Rich Glanzer (HLE) – Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Martin Cejka (Sky), Noelle Safar (CH)
(7) John Meyer (DR) – Courtney (Uni), Ken Poulin (LBS), Gil Valdez (HLE)
(7) Dan “D.O.” Owens (FG) – Susannah Pasquantonio (FG), Dave Sokolyansky (FK), Zack Tinkelman (DD)
(6) Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney (CH) – Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Caroline Currie (FG), Gavin Kearney (CH)
(6) Patrick “Sven” Larsen (PM) – Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Haanwa Chau (Gut), Alex Derhohannesian (GA)
(6) Derek Tagliarino (Math) – Ben Bloom (But), Courtney (Uni), Mike Woodsworth (WTP)
(5) Eric Devlin (MT) – Ben Bloom (But), Harvey Jaswal (MT), Dana Kravis (FG)
(5) Eli Kazin (Math) – Alex Derhohannesian (GA), Ken Poulin (LBS), Noelle Safar (CH)
(5) Monica Russo (FG) – Gavin Kearney (CH), Dana Kravis (FG), Zack Tinkelman (DD)
(3) “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick (HLE) – Trevor Beauclair (HLE), Caroline Currie (FG), Zack Tinkelman (DD)
(1) Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens (DD) – Diane Johnston (LF), Mike Pereira (DD), Justin Ross (FK)