Week 14 – Game Previews – Part 2

Editor’s Note: If the Commissioner or Head Refs ever sent the Org last week’s box scores, you would have read that Fresh Kills beat the Happy Little Elves 7-1 last Sunday. Still unbeaten, the Staten Island Swampers are on track for a perfect season. So this week we asked our reporters: can Fresh Kills be defeated? And, if so, what’s it going to take to notch the first “W” against them.

Rehabs at Gouging Anklebiters
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Bill “Wait For It” Tucker

As the season slides towards playoffs, finding original material for a team you’ve written about for five months becomes a challenge. Sorry kids, I’m out of Anklebiters references (ok…maybe not completely out). As our assignment was to discuss how our teams can beat the still undefeated Fresh Kills, here’s an idea. Let’s talk about how to avoid them completely.

The Yellow and Blue won’t face the Blue Juggernaut for the rest of the season and in their only contest, gave them all they could handle in a 1-0 defeat. Still, if the chips fall the way I think they will, Kills / Foot Nibblers is a very possible late playoff matchup. My advice? Take to the court with jackhammers the day before the match and declare it a draw. This gives both teams a chance to take a breather and enjoy some White Russians at Doc Holidays. Let the league deal with the ramifications of complete disregard and surrender.

The Rehabs, on the other hand, can simply scare the Killers into submission. Their ferocious battle cry of, “REEEEHAAABBSS” is reminiscent of a Viking yell during a Norwegian plunder. Imagine sitting back on the sunny asphalt of Tompkins Square Park, hiding your adult beverage from the authorities. The weather is nice, the sound of plastic sticks is soothing and you’re just about to take a doze when out of nowhere, BAM! You hear that animalistic scream. If you’re heart’s not hammering afterwards, check your pulse. You may be a member of the Walking Dead. Long story short, Killer Kehoes? Intimidate the Bullies in Blue and they’ll head for the hills.

Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins’ Offical Prediction: With the cooler weather, I’ve taken to the ancient art of creating Japanese rock gardens for my spiritual enlightenment. After hours of careful raking and exquisite detailing, I drank a fifth of poorly crafted rum and fell face first into the stone pit. When I awoke, I counted three lacerations on my face and one bruise on my left femur. As such, call it 3 – 1 in favor of the Ankles.

Dark Rainbows at Gut Rot
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square West
by Monica “Raised in Africa” Russo

It’s lame to make us write about why Fresh Kills is so great.Why should Fresh Kills get to stomp around like a giant, while the rest of us try not to get smushed under their big feet? What’s so great about Fresh Kills? Hmmm? Gut Rot is just as cute as Fresh Kills. Rainbows are just as smart as Fresh Kills. People totally like Peaches just as much as they like Dave Soko. And when did it become okay for one team to be the boss of everybody, huh? Because that’s not what BTSH is about. We should totally just *stab* Fresh Kills!

La Famiglia at Denim Demons
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square West

This one should be a barnburner as both teams are on the top of their game.

The Fam started off the season slow but have rounded in to form. Is it the all-meatball sub diet that team Captain Denis Miceletto has forced on his players. No chance. Denis abandoned that strategy after one Quiznos session with Haanwa Chau. They don’t call her “Sandwich” for nothing. The Paisans have simply gone back to the strategy that’s worked so well for them over the past couple of seasons. Someone passes the ball to Shafiq, Shafiq carries it in to the offensive zone, Denis is standing at the top of the crease, Shafiq passes it to Denis, Denis scores. It’s a simple strategy that works.

The Demons know all bout keeping it simple. That’s why they’ve been able to take La Famiglia’s strategy and improve it. Here’s their game plan, copied from a playbook that Dave Shyu carelessly left at the ACE: 1) Pass the ball to Jeff Kamen 2) Jeff Scores.

It’s system vs. system folks. Let’s see which one comes out on top.

Happy Little Elves at Tompkins Square Riots
4:30 pm, Tompkins Square West

So you’ve just got your butt kicked by the #1 team in the league. What’s your dream matchup? The game that will get your confidence right back. How about a game against the last place team in the league? Sounds like just the ticket right?

Not so fast Jolly Small Fairies. TSR is the classic case of a team whose record doesn’t indicate the quality of their play. They’ve also been unfortunate enough to be in a division with the Mathematics, a team that is Glanzer Division worthy in name only. This is a classic scenario for overconfidence on the part of the Green Machine and a true test of a coaches ability to get his team properly motivated. If Richie and Jenna don’t get the crew up for this one it could be a shock upset.

One other thing we can’t forget is that a number of the Riots used to be Fresh Kills players. Will Amy Jones put her enmity aside and reach out to former linemate Dave Sokol for tips on how to beat Shaun DeLacy? Or will Sokol lean the other way and give Ben Chadwick the book on Dave Gil de Rubio? Or Sokol may just do nothing and head to the East Village Tavern after his game (the most likely scenario).

Drama and intrigue may abound. Or the Elves may just remember who they are and win this one 6-1.

Either way it’s worth watching. The red and green mix plus all those Elves logos will make it feel like Christmas in July. Make sure to bring some mistletoe (and a stepstool) if you want to snag a smooch from the leagues most eligible bachelor Ben Chadwick!

Gremlins at Cobra Kai
5:30 pm, Tompkins Square East

We’ll come right out and say it.The Gremlins were robbed last week against the Butchers. They outplayed the Misfits for most of the game and Jamie B. continued his campaign for Goalie of the Year. Only a lucky shot from Creamy turned the tide in the Bs favor.

Will Cobra Kai be able to pull off the same kind of fortunate result? Hard to say. mainly because we have no idea who’s on Cobra Kai anymore. Gregg was kind enough to send us some roster changes last week but by our calculations that takes his team up to 37 players. That might be a slight exaggeration but CK have looked like a late ’90s Islander team with a rotating cast of characters filling the various spots. The only constants have been Pete “Clubber” Lang and Becky Pear. even Rem Garavito has been seen sporting a Rainbows jersey lately.

It’s hard to create team chemistry with that kind of turnover and it’s even harder when you’re playing a close knit bunch like the Gremlins. We’re going to have to give this one to the g’s, not just because of their team cohesiveness but also because we can’t see many teams getting past Jamie B.

Editor’s Note: Jamie (or Tim Brown or even Hall of Famer Aaron “Coach” Pagdon) may actually be the ultimate answer to how to beat the Kills. Hot goaltending has always been the key to playoff hockey and it wouldn’t be surprising if some team has a keeper who comes up big and shuts down the leading offense in the league. That may not happen in the regular season but come October this is still an “Any Given Sunday” league. In the meantime, have some fun, stay safe and healthy, and somebody check on Gabe Chenard-Poirier’s immigration status, ok?

← Back to Media