By Arya Stark & Snoop Dogg
Gouging Anklebiters (-170)
Arya’s Pick: Sorry Cheeks (I mean Snoop), but your Butchers have been super inconsistent so far this season, and the Biters are better than I’ve ever seen them. Look for Probie to put up at least two as the Biters take this one by 2 or 3.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: Butchers are missing some key players this week and already lost once to the Biters, but “you’ve got to always go back in time if you want to move forward.” To ignite and excite this match up we have two couples going head-to-head – Creamy vs. Diana and Dana vs. Shuey – but you know the Dogg, I’m here for the luv. So I think the Butchers will be more prepared this time around, it’ll be tight but feel like Biters will top Butchers by two.
Gut Rot (+120)
Tompkins Square Riots (-160)
Arya’s Pick: The Riots put up a much stronger fight than most expected against the LBS last week, while Gut Rot put up basically the fight that everyone expected them to against the Rehabs. Dave will be motivated to show the Thin Mints that they made the right decision in adding him to Ocean City rather than forcing Becca to step in goal which would have been a lot of fun. Riots to win.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: Should be a fun game, a clean game, only game I like to play. Riots have some solid players, but they prefer to be known for their academic prowess – no graduate degree, no play on their team. Gut Rot takes the free love approach. I think the Gut Rot players who actually show up for the games have the heart, but their bench lacks the depth, so going with Riots for the win.
Consensus: Toned, tan, drunk, not ready, Riots turn it up ’cause it’s gettin heavy, wild wild West Coast, Gut Rot Girls and Akhil we love the most, I mean the ones, I mean Riots won. Okay, we aren’t oracles, but we both agreed the Riots will win. Sorry Schmorg.
Cobra Kai (+115)
Corlears Hookers (-145)
Arya’s Pick: Cobra Kai has given up 1 goal in the 3 games Campbell’s played this year, and 17 in the 8 that he hasn’t. Man, that guy was pretty good (still is, but some random Boston squad is presumably reaping the benefits now). Meanwhile, the Hookers haven’t been giving up many goals this season no matter who’s in net. In one of the best rivalries in BTSH, bet on the Hookers to take down the dojo. Line moves to a pick’em if Campbell’s in.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: Statistics mean nothing to me, I always say to get those stacks you gotta break your back. It’s all about who is showing up and who is playing hard, and sometimes who can play dirty and get away with it better – but don’t ride dirty, live your life right. If the full lady contingent of the Hookers is there, they will shut down the Cobra Kai give and go. I say “If the Ride is more fly, then you must buy.” Hookers for the Win.
Consensus: You know what? It’s like Russ seventeen again, spilt beer on his face. Lookin’, on the case, tryna find a hella taste, Oh My God, Cro on the case. Hooker, LJ’s a looker, irrelevant, Cai ain’t sellin’ it. Dippin’ away, time slippin’ away, especially because we both think the Hookers will win. Somebody get Russ a towel; k, thanks, bye.
Fresh Kills (-115)
Arya’s Pick: Two elite teams who have underachieved thus far this season. No one would have predicted these two teams would be 12th and 13th at this late point in the season. Then again, Filthier was also lagging behind in the standings earlier in the season and are now all the way up to 5th in the standings. It’s a tight one but I’m taking the Fresh Kills here.
Snoop Dog’s Pick: Fuzz and Fresh Kills are both pretty solid teams, but both need to be more chill like me. They’re both are not doing great right now probably because their captains are a little too tense – the Dogg got the cure for that. I say Fresh Kills will drop it like it’s hot for the W over Fuzz.
Consensus: Now you can get what you want, but we know what you need. Now let me tell these teams what’s crackalackin’ ‘fore I proceed. Fresh Kills show Fuzz where to put it at..Meg smokin’ weed, yeah she owns a kitty cat…shit i can’t stand the Pussycat Dolls – it’s just that one chick Nicole. We Agreed, Fuzz will lose, down with Glnzr.
Instant Karma (-155)
Dark Rainbows (+125)
Arya’s Pick: The Rainbows have underachieved so far this season, while Karma has been much better than expected. Will Steve or the Trembles be back in time for this one? No idea, but even with Yetter and Tarnow in attendance, Karma should be able to take this one.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: Two quality character teams who have been slowly stacking their teams with strong, good natured players. With Isaac returning from last week’s sideline injury and zero knowledge of what the Rainbows’ bench is looking like for this week, I say both these teams are vibin’, ridin’, but those Rainbows will pull out the win.
Consensus: Top Dogg, bite em all, Bow’s burn the shit up, Derek Z, the man turn that shit up, J-ES, S-I-C, yeah she hookin it up. And when these teams hang in the club baby you got to get up.
LBS Inc (-125)
Arya’s Pick: Despite the records this is pretty much a toss-up. With Hilary and Kelsey out and half the roster continuing to be injured or missing, the LBS will have a tough battle but obviously I’m not going to pick against them. White to eke out another victory.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: I know absolutely nothing about either team records, I only know about my records – platinum and gold baby – but Filthier has had a pretty short bench and even with the LBS missing players, they still have quite a few top players to shut James and Filthy Crew down. LBS take the W.
Consensus: Motherfuckers act like they forgot about Frey.
Arya’s Pick: The Rehabs haven’t been as overpowering as expected this season, but Math has also not been the surprise contender many predicted either. Is Elly Tadpole’s father, or could he be Hicks and Sarah’s love child traveled back in time from the future? Maybe that’s an awkward question for you to answer…in any case, the Sarah v Hicks matchup is incredibly compelling. I’m taking the Rehabs as my lock of the week.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: Battle of the Commissioners, exciting stuff, especially because they’re engaged to be married. Rehabs have some players, but seems their better guys have gotten a bit out of shape, however Math has struggled with attendance this year but have still put up strong fights because “If you stop at general Math, you’re only going to make general Math Money.” ‘Cause I’m the Snoop Dogg, I have to go with the Under D-O-Double G, Math to squeeze out a win.
Consensus: She said ‘Ye can we get married at the mall?’ I said look you need to crawl ‘fore you ball. Come and meet me in the bathroom stall, and show me why you deserve to have it all (note: this is a reference to upcoming nuptials and Hicks always being in the bathroom due to debilitating Taco Bell addiction. I have no knowledge of any bathroom sex or drug use, although I wouldn’t be surprised if either/ both went down.
Sky Fighters (+220)
Poutine Machine (-260)
Arya’s Pick: Poutine hasn’t dominated the bottom divisions like many expected so far this season but they’re still the class of the third division. Of their five losses they’ve been shut out in four; in the other, they scored one. Look for them to keep the momentum of last week’s 3-0 win over Cobra Kai going and take this one 4-0.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: Poutine, poutine, the grossest machine…Sky Fighters are solid, their captain is super just the epitome of R-E-S-P-E-C-T, while the Poutine Machine has a rep for not always being the most polite. Poutine is arguably higher skilled but has a habit of taking teams for granted, calling it that the Sky will open up and rain down on Poutine.
Consensus: So don’t change the dizzle, turn it up a little, can’t agree on a winner but we both like McQuizzle.
Denim Demons (-175)
Mega Touch (+135)
Arya’s Pick: The Demons are coming off an exciting upset shootout win over the Fresh Kills and this is a classic trap game against Mega who is better than you expect. Still, although we don’t know if Shelly is in or not, the Demons are much improved this season with only one regulation loss on the year, and Gene is the new men’s arm wrestling champion of BTSH. Demons to win.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: Classic good vs. evil situation here…everybody is rooting for the team with the most mega of touches but this hope and dream will likely be futile. Demons to win the game, but Mega to continue to win the league’s hearts. Gene’s right bicep and Demons will take the W.
Consensus: Who killin’ em in the UK, everybody gonna say “you, K” (K stands for Kathleen, who probably can’t believe we dug up the below picture from the archives).
What The Puck (-115)
Arya’s Pick: Two teams on opposite ends of the spectrum: the Gremlins always underachieve a bit compared to what you’d expect from their roster while the Pucks have been a surprise overachiever so far. This is one of the toughest games to call of the week, but I’m picking the Grems to eke one out in what will probably be a surprisingly chippy affair.
Snoop Dogg’s Pick: Should be a fair match up with these two teams if you subtracted the rather chippy play from the Gremlins. WTP has the kind soul of a golden retriever puppy dogg but will ultimately not be able to put up a strong enough fight. Gremlin’s and JW’s helmet will win.
Consensus: She’s dressed in yellow, she says “hello…come sit next to me you fine fellow.” You run over there without a second to lose, and what comes next, hey – bust a move.