Editor’s Note: With the NHL trading season in full swing, we asked our correspondents to grill their sources for news of impending deals in BTSH. Who’s most likely to be traded? Who’s getting a long term contract extension? And is it true that Peaches has sold the naming rights for Gut Rot to Franzia? “Box Wine” doesn’t pack quite the power of “Gut Rot” but according to our sources, it and several other big changes are looming in the league’s future.

Sky Fighters at Mathematics
1:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

The Mathletes roll in to this contest with a strong performance in the first half of the season. But how will they cope with the loss of heart and soul player Andy Pratt? Does Zach have any cousins? While the Norris strategy has paid dividends so far, it may be a well that Derek can’t go back to that often. Instead, look for him to make a play for La Famiglia’s Dr. Alfred Liu, a solid second line scorer. While Liu hadn’t really considered leaving the Paisano’s, the offer of being able to put his own equation on the Math’s third jersey may prove too tempting.

Meanwhile, Dan Hopper has received an ultimatum from keeper James Stein. Apparently Rammstein feels that he can’t play to the best of his ability without a goalie controversy. Hops is looking to create some trouble by targeting WTP’s Anthony Romeo (who’s reportedly unhappy with Corey Winters getting so many starts for the Orange Crush). He’s also asked Robert Kucera to scour the Czech leagues for any hot young goaltending prospects. That may not work out so well since Kuci’s last callup (a kid named Felix from the St. Bernard’s system) was tossed out of the league when they found out he was only seven years old.

Expect Math to pounce on the Fighters locker room calmness and post a 4-3 OT victory.

Gremlins at Corlears Hookers
2:00 pm, Tompkins Square East

Gremlins Captain Ryan Mills would be at the center of a lot of wheeling and dealing, except for one small thing. He really doesn’t have anyone to trade. With Luke “Ice” Berg still injured and Jon Rick’s appearances less frequent than a legitimate Rich Glanzer scoring chance, Mills is down to just 12 skaters. His hottest property is goalie Jamie “We’re going to need a bigger jersey” Batuwantudawe. But JB has hurt his tradability by playing for every other team in the league anyway. Like my mom used to say, “Why buy the cow, when you can get his 1.00 GAA for free?” Love ya, Mom.
Unless a contender is looking to pick up Caitlin Ervin or Mark MacAdam for a playoff run, expect Mills’ phone to not be ringing anytime soon.

The Hookers’ should also be sitting tight when it comes to deals. The brutal Hookers initiation process (a combination of Freemason rituals, Special Forces testing and Alpha Alpha Alpha hazing) tends to scare away any but the most extreme candidates. With Jackie Spiegel on the IR, the Hookers might have an opening for one more female player. Maybe that’s why Joann Provencher has been signing up for Spartan races lately? She’s always dreamed of wearing that “CH” logo.

As for the game, sorry JB but even you can’t stop 72 shots. Which is what the Hookers have been averaging per game this season. 4-0 for the Montreal Marauders.

Tompkins Square Riots at Gouging Anklebiters
3:00 pm, Tompkins Square East
by Bill “Dr. Love” Tucker

As the BTSH season winds its serpentine path through the heart of summer, the thoughts of competitive teams turn to bolstering rosters.  In the case of Riots / Biters, you have two teams on opposite end of the standings but right in line where it counts.  Good times while playing hockey.  While I realize I sound like a broken record, screw it.  That’s what counts in the end. 

While most of our writing staff may ponder how well Trevor Beauclair would look on the Hookers or if Poutine blue would clash with Alex Myer’s striped socks, I’m taking a different route.  Both these teams are die hard families and would never trade players willy-nilly.  Instead, they would swap nonsense and intangibles.  Amy Jones’ boundless enthusiasm for Courtney’s affable good nature.  Gouging’s bloody foot costume for a quilt made from old Riots jerseys.  Zach’s epic ‘stache for Craig Thompson’s golden grin.  Regardless of the score, there’s a ton to love about these two teams.  Expect a good time game this coming Sunday.

Dr. Hunter S. Tompkins’ Official Prediction:  Bill, you sentimental fool!  The obvious exchange would be Fredrick Lund Hansen for Joe P’s Sunday Funday shirt.  Incredible name for wondrous garment.  Anything less would be less than fitting for these two powerhouses.  Hot weather can wilt the mightiest of teams, making this game more of a toss-up than the standings suggest.  Still, I have to mark it 4 -2 in favor of the Jolly Joe P’s.