Dark Rainbows (1-7-0-1*) at Instant Karma (4-5-1), Tompkins East, 1:00pm
(*up to Week 9; no stats on Week 10 yet)
by Hornswoggle

Now’s an opportune time for Chadtrick’s plus-minus rating to improve, as well as the state of his own squad, which has now a 5-game losing streak, beginning with being shut out by the Anklebiters in W6. But wait—the Rainbows look at their streak and said, “Hold my beer” and currently have six losses in a row (note: Greenie’s shutout against the Riots was a Week 3 game that was postponed, soz for the objectivity). So both sides have nothing to lose and everything to gain from this match, namely because they can play loosely and not feel like there’s a winning style, especially because they’re searching for it! Let’s take a look at the different corners.

Perhaps the new threads haven’t been working out so far for Karma, and it seems that seasoned veteran and media manager Isaac pinpointed the issue to scoring production. That might be true, but prior to last week’s concession to Poutine, Karma had four players with three goals compared to Poutine’s one; coming into this week, this still stands. Is scoring production important? Clearly, yes. Tied for fourth worst in this category might not cut it when the postseason arrives in early September (I’m surprised as all the BTSH traditionalists are with this schedule change), but it’s not the critical area, as I think it’s defense. Bill and Nicole have been colossal for that back line, and both have abilities to quarterback offensive campaigns. Shuffling random passes up the court in the hopes of reaching the Vernoia siblings, Matt, or Derek will only go so far; Karma will need Norris-like—not the Math kind!—defensemen willing to brave the 50 minutes and traverse past the half-court line, chance-creating. And if I had one piece of advice, it would be to Steve: believe in yourself, buddy! It’s your first year with us, you’ve had a rough schedule, and the weather isn’t getting any better, but take water breaks in the devastating heat for yourself and your comrades, communicate with the people in front of you, and don’t stress against the stuff that goes past you—keep getting those experience points!

Okay, so now we’re onto the Rainbows. After what they’ve been through for the past year, they’ve finally achieved euphoria with a long-eluding W. And despite falling to the Riots last Sunday in, I speculate, an excruciating match separated by one goal, team chemistry has never seemed higher than what it is now. This is a major element in winning, and even though it looks more evident in teams like LBS, Inc. or Cobra Kai, you’ll look at it in a team like the Rainbows and hoping they’ll be able to translate the camaraderie into convincing Ws. There are three players who can be pivotal to victory—I mean other than “league sweetheart” and article contributor Cat, of course—and they are Bryan (3 goals), Jess, and Eric T. Bryan is a player who doesn’t have a hard time finding open space, and his teammates should make spotting his movement a priority if they want more net-positive opportunities; Jess’ work ethic is quite high and accordingly can be the perfect fulcrum for making north-south transitions; Eric T. has a cannon for a shot, and if given the space, can produce Howitzer-esque, quality attempts from long range (I saw one of his half-court efforts sail past Dave GDR last Sunday). It’s one thing that the Rainbows’ kits are bright, but if y’all put your trust in these three, you could be seeing even brighter futures down the line.

Prediction: A source (from one of these two sides, but I’m withholding the identity) told me of a palpable fear of losing to this week’s opponent. Is it logical? Personally, it’s something I don’t believe in, particularly if you’re giving your all for your team. Contributions don’t have to come with goals or assists, just remember that. But due to lack of scoring prowess between these two lineups, I’ll hazard a guess on a post-regulation victory for Chadtrick’s crew, based on what’s already on paper.

Poutine Machine at What the Puck
by Izzy

Poutine Machine has evolved from their gorilla sex style of play and into the best dump and chase team in the league.   Kevin and the defense have perfected the soft dump in the corner for the speedy forwards lead by Mike M and Little Nicky to retrieve said dumps.  If the Pucks don’t arrive to the 1 pm game alert and ready to counterattack then this one could quickly get out of hand.

But does any of that matter?  Over the past a couple of years the Pucks have had Poutine’s number.  Marisa and Mike D have been instrumental in keeping the game close and finding a way to prevail in the end.  Just like the Butchers have the psychological advantage over LBS – Emily, Scott and the Pucks should be feeling pretty confident going into this one… And oh yeah, and don’t sleep on Paul.

Prediction: if a hungry Ball Hogg shows up then it doesn’t matter who the Poos put in net and the Pucks will win 4-2.  However, if he doesn’t then Peltzy and that brunette forward will have a field day with the Machine winning 5-1.

LBS, Inc. at Corlears Hookers
by Chairwoman Rachel

Expect the Lbs to come out with guns blazing (or Blink 182 blasting) this week, after they were dealt their second loss of the season by the beat-up, sad-sack, Butchers. Hopefully they won’t sleep on the Hookers, with their equally abysmal record. When the Hookers show up, they show up. They even got Erica G to play hockey last week. The Lbs of old, like Jason “I listen to 90s music to pretend I’m in my 30s” B, might remember what it’s like to play against Dustin, the Hookers goalie from their heyday. Well, he’s back and as good as ever. Danilo might be back from China, Alex F might be off the IR. This is anyone’s game based on who shows up. I suggest grabbing a tall boy and settling in to watch on this steamy Sunday. Bonus entertainment value: you get to watch Scotty K slather the sunblock on that pasty dome.

Prediction: Lbs will take the Hookers by 1.

Gouging Anklebiters at Filthier
by Izzy

Much of the Biters success this season can be attributed to their renewed commitment to an up tempo style of play. With Schuie and Coco holding it down on defense and quickly distributing the ball to the destructive duo of Probie (comeback player of the year) and Jared (early candidate for ROY honors) there is no limit to how dangerous the Biters can be.  How far this can take them all depends on which Craig shows up in net – the goal-gifting flounder or the fellatio offering miscreant?

Kate, Sunny and Sean sure hope it is the floundering Craig that shows up, because Filthy can’t afford to get into a shootout with the Biters.  It seems odd writing that sentence given the abundance of weapons Filthy possess, but understand that they are not a team accustomed to being on their heels.  Much of their success the season has come from jumping out to an early lead and then capitalizing on their opponent’s panicking mistakes.

Prediction: with the weather on Sunday expected to be an oppressive force against both teams we give the nod to the one with better conditioning, Filthier wins 4-2 with Jamie being the x-factor.

Mega Touch at Cobra Kai
by Izzy

Julie and Mega Touch have been a resourceful team this season.  Despite their record and that hiccup against Fresh Kills this team finds ways to stay in the hunt in every game.  The new defenseman they brought on this season has been a refreshing compliment to speedy forwards like Yury and Double Mary MT.  His ability to quickly move the ball up court and out of the d-zone has discombobulated their opposing teams’ transition to defense.  Keep it up, Matt J.

Cobra Kai has been sweeping the legs out from under just about every team this season (aside from their consecutive shows of mercy).  ‘Hungry dogs run faster.’  ‘No mercy.’  Or whatever latest inspirational phrase has fallen out of LJ’s mouth have been their mottos.  With the weather nearing oppressive degrees and this match-up seeming like a yawner of a contest it is possible that the Evil Dojo could get caught napping again.

Prediction: Mega’s outstanding play in first half earns them the lead, but in the second half Sienna and Pete opens a can on Alex EM and Tuckman with CK winning 5-2.