Fake Rivalry To Decide Fake Trophy

GAME OF THE WEEK
Happy Little Elves (4-3-0-2) at Dark Rainbows (5-3-0-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 4-0
Game Notes: This is the final leg of the triangular series among the Happy Little Elves, Unicorns, and Dark Rainbows for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.   Two weeks ago, in the first leg, the Happy Little Elves rallied from a two-goal second half deficit to defeat the Unicorns 4-3 in a shootout.  Last week, in the second leg, the Unicorns dominated the Dark Rainbows and came away with a convincing 5-1 victory.  As a result, the 2010 champions, the Dark Rainbows, cannot maintain possession of the Fairy Tale Cup.  The Happy Little Elves, on the other hand, need just one point to clinch the Cup for the first time in franchise history.  However, a Rainbows regulation win would mean that the Unicorns would claim the Cup for the third time since the series started in 2008.
Keys To The Game:
1. Possibly looking ahead to this critical game, Elves goaltender Shaun deLacy played his worst game of the season last week, allowing five goals to the Corlears Hookers.  Elves captain Rich Glanzer has made it clear to deLacy that if he struggles early, Glanzer will immediately sub in the team’s backup goalie…himself.
2. The Dark Rainbows enter this matchup on a three-game losing streak.  They are looking to reverse this recent trend and would love to play spoiler for the Elves’ Cup hopes.  Captain Sean Reynolds notes, “We’ll pay off the refs if we have to.”
3. Should the Elves win, the team will be in possession of the BTSH championship trophy, the Barnacle Bowl,  and the Fairy Tale Cup.  “The Chairman” Ben Chadwick is furiously working on building a bigger trophy case to display these honors, not realizing that two of them are imaginary.
Eli’s Pick: Happy Little Elves.  I am the Elves’ guest captain this week, so picking the Dark Rainbows would be a conflict of interest.
Derek’s Pick: No pick.  I have to remain neutral as the ref of this game, and I know my non-pick will upset Hockey Rich.
Watchability: 4 Nakaharas.  One way or another, history will be made.

Gouging Anklebiters (2-7) at Mathematics (3-5-1)
Written by MacNeil Division correspondent Sven Larsen
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 5-2
Game Notes: Two teams looking to turn their seasons around collide this Sunday in a crucial 4-point game. Both teams are coming off of strong wins last Sunday so the question to ask is which Sleeping Giant has really been awakened? Math stalwart Eli “The Calculator” Kazin employed a sophisticated new algorithm to pot his first goal of the season against Gut Rot. But Annika”s repeated sacrifices to the Norse thunder god Thor (made up mainly of pouring buckets of movie theater popcorn on the heads of anyone unlucky enough to sit next to her during her repeated viewings of the summer blockbuster) paid off as she found the back of the net for the first time this season as well. Will Kazin be able to hold off the Winklevoss Twins’ legal team long enough to keep Math on the winning tack? Or will Anklebiters Captain Phil Donohue’s screening of his complete set of Hagar the Horrible DVDs inspire “Sweets” to new heights? Tune in Sunday for the answer.
Sven’s Pick: Too close to call.
Watchability: Three and a half Mjolnirs

Sky Fighters (5-2-1-1) at La Famiglia (6-0-1-2)
Written by Tuques correspondent Rich Glanzer
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 7-6
Game Notes: Tuques Arena will surely be the place to be this Sunday as the Tuques-Sky Fighters matchup promises to be a close one. There are reasons to pick both teams. For the Tuques, is anyone more on fire than Denis Miciletto? Four goals last game and a league leading 13. And if Denis can’t light the prestigious (yet imaginary) lamp, then the Tuques can rely on Shafiq Perry, who is second in BTSH with 10 goals. However, scoring won’t be easy with a tenacious Sky Fighters forecheck, Martin Cejka on D, and James Stein in the net. This game really comes down to one variable: which team has Brian Ferry? Unfortunately for the Tuques, it’s them. Brian’s best days are looooong gone, and they weren’t that good when they were here. In his autobiography, My Beard Is My Only Friend, Ferry says, “My career hockey highlight is leading the 2008 Elves in plus/minus.” This is true. However, what he left out was he was a -64.
Rich’s Pick: Expect the fans to go home unhappy, as the Sky Fighters pull out a 4-2 victory.

Denim Demons (5-3-0-1) at Tompkins Square Riots (2-7)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Denim Demons welcomed back Mike Pereira last Sunday, but the presence of their second-leading scorer from 2010 was not enough as the Demons fell to What The Puck 6-2. The loss snapped a three-game winning streak, and also ended a six-game stretch where the Demons allowed one goal or less per game. The Riots, meanwhile, lost to La Famiglia 7-4 last Sunday, which was their third loss in a row, and the sixth time they have allowed five or more goals in a game.
Eli’s Pick: Denim Demons
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons. Now that Pereira is back, they should return to the form that won them two consecutive Prince of Weyersberg trophies.
Watchability: 3 Nakaharas

Filthy Gorgeous (5-4) at Mega Touch (3-5-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Filthy Gorgeous leads 5-1
Game Notes: Filthy Gorgeous continued its winning ways last weekend with a solid 2-1 victory against Fresh Kills.  The win marked Filthy’s fourth in a row, and the team is now just two points behind the Corlears Hookers for first place in the Rubens Division.  After an impressive 6-3 triumph against the Anklebiters in Week 9, Mega Touch could only muster one goal in Week 10 en route to a 1-1 tie with the Butchers.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  How did this team lose four games in a row earlier this season?
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous
Watchability: 2.5 Nakaharas

What The Puck (7-1-0-1) at Butchers (5-3-1)
Written by Donohue Division correspondent Monica Russo
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 1-0
Game Notes: The swinging singles* that are the Butchers face family-value-oriented What The Puck this week. While Rachel Greene, Creamy DiMotta, Ben Bloom and the like nurse their hangovers, Larry Zimmer, Corey Winters, and the rest of the WTP crew will just be nursing on the sidelines with their farm team of rugrats. Which will prove to be more detrimental? It’s rock n’ roll vs. rock-a-bye baby. It’s tats vs. … um … baby mats? You see where I’m going with this.
Monica’s Pick: WTP. The Butchers have pulled off some crazy upsets before, but I think WTP has it this time.
Watchability: 4.8 Russo-Larsens.

* I have no idea if anyone on the Butchers is married. I don’t care to know. It works for the point I’m trying to make, folks.

 

Rehabs (1-6-0-2) at Gut Rot (1-8)
Written by Rubens Division correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: This is the first meeting between the teams holding on to the bottom of the top and the bottom of the bottom divisions, respectively. Though the Rehabs have not been doing so well since their promotion to the Rubens division, Gut Rot has continued to perform as it always has, playing for playing’s sake. Thus, backed by 5th ranked goalie, Hilary Meyer, the Rehabs will look to break their three-game losing streak. Gut Rot may look to Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 7 for inspiration: “from beneath you, it devours.”
Abby’s Pick: Rehabs
Watchability: Meh. You can drink at least two Miller High Lifes at the bar in the time it takes this game to reach its conclusion.

Fresh Kills (6-2-1) at Unicorns (5-2-0-2)
Written by Hackett Division correspondent Dr. Byron Clavicle
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 5-4-1
Game Notes: Dr. Byron Clavicle was busy rescuing a Winnebago full off Canucks fans that drove off the Goethals Bridge, so he outsourced this write-up to his cousin Björn Carlsqvistsson, who lives in the remote village of Börkenørk, Sweden.  Chef Carlsqvïstsson writes: “Neëzzer oof deezer teamies haff der biggy-edgy-skory in der standingers. Der team what winny-winny will be der öona what practeêces moora der boom-boom und der schot-schtoppinging. Becoose-a I’m in der Svensky-Svensk, I schluredly coonta tella hooa moocha practeeces eeder team doon dooden. My-a boökkie in Trellebork’s geeffing 3 pooents. I’m tekking der under und hooping fur a dooble-a payoot! Feennel predeection: Frish Keells 1-0! Und noo I’m oof ta smacken der Finnlanderers. Börk börk börk!”
Translation: It’s a close call and he can’t say which team is better prepared.  His bookie in Trellebörg predicts 3 goals, but Carlsqvïstsson’s taking the under and hoping for a 1 goal game, and now he’s off to beat up some Finns.
Björn Carlsqvïstsson’s Pick: Fresh Kills 1-0
Watchability: 4 Spring Chickens

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
LBS, Inc. (6-2-0-1) at Corlears Hookers (6-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-1
Game Notes: Another game, another big win for the Hookers last week. Seriously, 5-0 over the defending champs? If only they could make that happen in the playoffs, they might be somewhere. As the dear departed George Steinbrenner once said about Dave Winfield, these guys are Mr. May. The Lbs. Corporation continues to hold its own in a tough division. That mediocre goal differential might come back to haunt them this week, however. These are two top teams duking it out in what could be an early playoff preview.
Vegas Line: Hookers by 1
Jesse the Greek says: It’s still early in the season. Hookers and lay the points.
Watchability: 4.5 back issues of The National

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Written by Hockey Night in Tompkins Correspondent Jesse Kalb
Poutine Machine (5-2-1-1) at Cobra Kai (4-3-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: The Dojo, touted last week as an up-and-comer in the surprisingly competitive Donohue Division, went out last week and laid an egg against the (then) 1-7 Anklebiters. Thanks for making me look like a genius, guys. They are still clearly in the mix as a team to make some noise, but now they face a Poutine squad that is currently running away with the MacNeil Division. Granted, that’s like owning hotels on Baltic and Mediterranean, but you can’t really argue with a 5-point division lead after 9 games. Tired of the team’s underperforming ways, things turned around for the Machine when captain Sven Larsen threatened to quit and follow his dream of fronting a Wilson Phillips tribute band.
Vegas Line: Poutine by 1.5
Jesse the Greek says: Take the points. Poutine pulls out the W, but it will be close.
Watchability: 4 Fleetwood Mac covers