Denim Demons at Dark Rainbows

By Cheeky

Alright BTSH Community, I am writing this from my work computer so it will obviously be both PG and PC because at Credit Suisse, Big Brother is watching you.

** For the remainder of this article please read this in an announcer voice click here for point of reference **

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Welcome to today’s Yin and Yang, Black & White Cookie smash up matchup between the Denim Demons and the Dark Rainbows.

On one side we have your Wannabe League Sweethearts, the Dust Buster Disasters, your Rabbi’s of the Yeshiva Institute of Black Top Street Hockey, the DENIM DEMONSSSSSSSS. Co-Captaining the  S.S. Hell Fyre, Jennifer ‘Double Vodka Soda’ Popack and Boat Abstinence Brad. In net – Sarah and Brian, have you fixed the nets yet??? – Banana ‘Zach’ Casca..word on the street is he’s recently single and exceptionally good with his glove hand. They have Zach Fein who can rip a shot like we all expect him to rip his tight joggers, the Rosen Bash Bros, and Adam ‘Sideline Referee’ Reubens. I will say though, this ghoulish squad does have two redeeming Demons in Sara and Tracy. The remainder of this bi-lingual group includes a guy named Gene, some dude named Miles, and about 12 other players all named Zach.

And now, the team you have all been waiting to hear about! The Actual League Sweethearts, Darlings of Alphabet City, the team that is so kind they will apologize to you after they win, the Darrrrrk RAINBOWS. If the Muppets ever put a team in BTSH, they would be the Dark Rainbows. Captaining the Rainbows are your very own pint sized Jess “It’s not Jessica or ‘Ica’ Deustche and Mike ‘Welcome to the All Hands Team’ Yetter. Between the pipes – assuming Sarah and Brian fixed them – is the lean, mean, I hope he washes those socks, David Greenwald. Additionally this team boasts an impressive crew of Funny Man Brett Hiker, Funny Looking Man, Bryan Stratton, Karl, a guy with a striking resemblance to one Jesus’s Disciples, the Formidable Cat Boyd, Tia Lendo, and Kat with a ‘K.’

Prediction of Yeshiva University Varsity Hockey vs. The Muppets Take Manhattan: While the Yeshiva University has peak training facilities, nothing but the best trainers, and produces some pretty solid hockey players, the Muppets play for the joy of playing, the community, and the cold post game beers. Ultimately is heart that wins over talent. Muppets…errr I mean Rainbows win 2 -1.

Gremlins at Tompkins Square Riots

By Tracy Demon

Can we talk again about the fact that TWO different Gremlins had hat tricks in their game against the Skyfighters last week? That news item got a little buried since, as we all know, hat tricks can’t be Three Stars, just honorable mentions, but how often do we see a hat trick twofer? The Riots, despite their lowly position in the standings, are also no strangers to sneaky scoring explosions, having recently upset the Butchers in week 8. Can Dan and co. find their scoring touch again, or will the Salt Boyzzz prevail? Now might be the time to admit I have no idea how the Salt Boyzzz got their name and if someone wants to explain it to me that’s cool, unless it’s not a funny story in which case don’t bother. Oh, and word is that the still-injured Jamie is likely to be in net for the Grems this week.

Prediction: No one gets a hat trick this week (sadface) and the Gremlins prevail, 3-1.

Filthier at Fuzz

By Jess

Both teams start with an F and both teams are in the 1st division. But that’s where the similarities end, folks.

Although Fuzz clinched the championship last year, Filthier is far more consistently devastating. Fuzz is in a bit of a scoring drought, with their top scorers not netting as much as last year (Mike has 1, Miles has 2 and Jeff has 3- 2.5 really because the 3rd was an empty netter). Now that their softball team has lost in the finals, they can focus all of that anger on ball hockey. Like the “reliable” 90’s car I drove to high school in 2010, it’s going to take a few tries to get going but Fuzz will get there eventually.

Filthier is interesting because we know they’re good, we know they always have a great record but when it comes to playoff season they never make it as far as we expect. Lucky for them this is the regular season and shouldn’t have much of a problem.

Prediction: With a better record and hardly anybody who chugs a beer, I’ll say this one goes to Filthy 3-1.

What The Puck at Poutine Machine

Last week the Pucks picked up a precious two points in an epic showdown between two teams that traded divisions this season.  While Vegas lost a considerable amount in the outcome those that have remained true to the Orange Crush were rewarded once again.  This week poses another daunting challenge that they appear to be ready for.

Probably one of the more overlooked attributes of this Poutine squad is their versatility and depth.  The secondary scoring provided by their third line and defense this season have made them irritating to play against.  Can they keep the gravy train rolling this week against a squad that knows them all too well?

Prediction: With the Hogg let loose out of the cage BSA & Co. abandon their strategy and are forced into a box and one defense with SBJ being the shadow.  This proves to be stupid as Hogg greases himself up at halftime and slips through the Pous clutches for two goals and an assist to Susie.  Pucks cash in again, 4-3.