Mega Touch at Gut Rot
by A Young Padawan and their Jedi Master

(apparently they decided to let you all get a glimpse of their creative process this week…)

Jedi: Oops, I totally forgot we said we’d write Mega vs. Gut Rot this week!

Padawan: I forgot too.

Jedi: You always forget.

Padawan: Ouch. I’m sorry! I’ve been really busy this week.

Jedi: Me too, no prob, it’s fine. So how do you wanna do this? What should we do for our theme this time?

Padawan: Hmm…

Jedi: Let’s do something absurd. Or, I should say, even more absurd than our usual stuff.

Padawan: We should congratulate Dave and Mary on their baby, I don’t wanna forget to do that.

Jedi: You’re so nice to everyone. But, at the same time…that’s not a theme.

Padawan: Ok, ok, geez…..I’m thinking. Ok so, what if we did a blast from the past theme. You know, like assume it’s year 1 of BTSH (only a select few would have actually been in the league then) but we can pretend as if the whole team started day one.

Jedi: I like it. Oh! Also! I just remembered that I really like Mega’s new pink shirts. I wonder if Max can get me one.

Padawan: I don’t think I’ve seen them yet…

Jedi: They’re rad, you need to see them for yourself. Check them out Sunday. Speaking of t-shirts, you need to get yourself a Pizza Lightning shirt from Alex.

Padawan: Yeah I’ve been meaning to do that.  Also, has Alok been scoring a lot? I feel like he has. We could talk about that.

Jedi: Yeah good call. Also Gut Rot have back-to-back wins, after not winning a game since opening day. These were Ed’s first 2 wins of the season. But let’s focus and start in with the theme…

Padawan: Oh really? Yeah we should definitely incorporate that. Also, Tito is so cute. Can we talk about Tito?

Jedi: Yeah, we’ll find a way.

Padawan: Is Gut Rot the team that Becca and Kellie are on? They’re cool.

Jedi: Yeah but we are not making another Becca/BTSH Olympics joke, there have already been so many.

Padawan: I agree.

Jedi: This is going to be a really good one, I’m getting a bunch of funny ideas now.

Padawan: Yeah, totally, I am glad you like my theme idea.

Jedi: You always come up with good themes. I saw that Gilligan showed up last game, that dude is so good. Gut Rot always has a chance when he shows.

Padawan: I don’t think I know him.

Jedi: I’ll introduce you, really nice guy.

Padawan: Cool, thanks. Do I know anyone else on these teams?

Jedi: Hmm…..maybe not actually.

Padawan: Ahh, ok. Ok, ready to start?

Jedi: Actually I have to run to a meeting, super busy at work today. We’ll finish later.

Padawan: Yeah I am busy today too, I need to get back to work. Talk to you later.

Prediction: Mega 4, Gut Rot 2.

Julie scores 1, but she ends the game frustrated because she could have had 2…if she didn’t flub an easy tap in.

Cobra Kai at Denim Demons
by Izzy

LJ, Siena and Cobra Kai have cooled off from their hot start earlier in the season when they were upending top league talent.  This isn’t uncommon for teams to simmer down as the temperature rises during midseason.  But if they want stay in the race for the prized division crown then they’ll need to get back on track.

Evil Dojo Player to Watch: a staple of this team through its many incarnations has been JJ.  He was there the day Pete Lang died and here now to witness the brilliance of Campbell.  His deft handle of the ball and relentless hustle to not only the bar, but also to get back on defense makes him an indispensable asset to this team.

Also looking to get back on track are JR, David R. and the Denim Demons.  They’ve endured a trying season so far, but after reviewing tape from their last couple of games we think the tables could soon be turning in their favor.

Dunkin Demons Player to Watch: we could easily select a Zach or Rosen to highlight here, but the player to keep an eye on is Brian M.  His team leading three goals make him a threat to any goalie and his quick passes keep all the ladies on their toes.  Stay alert folks.

Prediction: the game goes to OT with a Rachel nailing the winner, keeping CK from a third straight LOL Shootout.

Instant Karma at Poutine Machine
by A Young Padawan

A short story by an instant poutine that produces karma from a machine.

I’ll start by saying that I was under strict limitations given the website states “The captains [of Karma] run the website, so be nice if you don’t want to get doxxed.” I did not want to be doxxed so I am going to remain unequivocally unbiased.

Imagine, the two line up for the face up, cue Lennon+Instant+Karma+Ono+Poutine. There were no rain fears, and both teams cheered for each other even when the other team got a break away. At the end of the game, instead of hand shakes, everyone hugged. Chadwick handed out signed copies of his book, and Jo-Ann taught everyone how to speak in French-Canadian. Brian and Nic cooked up poutine while Brianna and Derek offered to score goals on behalf of Poutine…

…Not. This is a Southeast conference game. 4-3 Karma. Good luck Poutine, french fries, cheese curds, and speaking French will only get you so far.

Mathematics at Filthier
by Hicks

In the 2:00 pm timeslot we have a very intriguing Math vs Filthier matchup, or Milthier as some might call it (That’s a ‘th’ not an ‘f’, Frey, get your head out of the gutter). Both teams come into this matchup fresh off losses they’re looking to avenge, Math to Fuzz and Filthier to Poundtown. The teams also boast two of the better goalies in the league, so this game has the potential to be one you might want to bet the under on.

In doing extensive research for this piece, I asked Math co-captain and league co-phareouxess Sarah for a quote and she hit me with “I’m expecting filthierer goals and some lemony fresh defense against Filthy. Time to clean house.” I’m still trying to fully decipher why you would want to clean house, as that is the antithesis of being anti-compeitive, but if anyone on Math is going to score some fithierer goals, it’s gotta be Eli ‘The Kazinator’ Kazin. Not only is he in the running for the Mike Rupp Goon of the Year Award, he’s also tied for third on Math in scoring this season (and has three more goals than Glanzer if you subtract a goal from Glanzer for the time he scored on his own team).

On the Filthier side of things, three things in life are guaranteed: death, taxes and Ann ending up near your crease. If Math wants to win this game, they’re going to have to bust out their secret weapon: phantom crease violations (I’m not still bitter about Math vs Habs). If they can continue to draw these like LeBron draws charges (or tries to at least), then anything is possible. However, it still seems like Filthier has a bit too much fire power. Perhaps if someone is injured taking their pants off, which is entirely possible given this leagues propensity for tasteful nudity, then maybe, just maybe, Math pulls this off.

Prediction: Filthy takes this one 4-2.

Line: Math Crease Violations Drawn      o 1.5 (-110) u 1.5 (-105)

Sky Fighters at Fuzz
by Izzy

The Fuzz(!) have scored 7 goals in each of their last three games which is one shy from the Sky Fighters’ season total.  Slowing them down is going to be a tough challenge.

Fuzz Player to Watch: Coach is back in this week and usually we’d say that’s a good thing for his team, but it might not be.  A couple weeks ago Alexa put on those disgusting league pads, jumped in between the pipes and delivered an inspiring performance.  Given Coach’s 2.5 GAA to Alexa’s 1.0 GAA there’s a possibility that we might see a change in net down the road. 😉

Sky Fighters Play to Watch: the Fighters new power-homie, James McQ, is straight goooood.  He’s part of the team’s new youth movement and his transition to ball hockey has gone better than expected so far (having said that, his absence from the bar has been noted).  If he’s feeling it on Sunday then it could be a long game for Fuzz.

Prediction: Caroline & Co. put up a good fight, and a little scare into Ryann N-V, but Fuzz will collect another boring W, 5-3.