By Rachel G. and Sam N.

Note to the reader: Isaac passed down the order that this week’s previews should be Father’s Day themed. What Isaac says, Isaac gets. You know, that’s a lot harder than you’d think. Sam and I spent many hours toiling away on my patio (and in Zach and Diane’s backyard) trying to meet the editor’s challenge. By many hours, I mean maybe two hours, but many beers. So…sorry in advance. Also, Happy Father’s Day. You all should thank your Dad for making you the incredible hockey talents that you are. The NHL is jealous.

(ed note: I probably forgot to call out a lot of fathers. Sorry.)

Gut Rot at Tompkins Square Riots

Oh Daddy, this is a good one. Gilligan, you already have the Dad bod, the Dad jokes, and soon enough you’ll be an actual Dad. Now go score for your team. Tommy has been team Dad long enough. Guys, Ellery is actually a father. REPEAT, Ellery is actually a father. Happy Father’s Day. Dave Gil de Rubio, I hope you stop more goals than you have children. Although everyone wants to see a Gut Rot win, as designated Dad on your team, I don’t think this will be the week.

Prediction: TSR by 2, Dave stands tall in net.

Instant Karma at Dark Rainbows

Does Kali allow Father’s Day to be celebrated on her team? Sam thinks she prefers to celebrate her own golden stick #donttouchthestick. Rainbows were the first fathers of BTSH, the original baby-makers. We all miss that tent and dem little blond kids. Sam says he can pitch a tent, LADIES!?!?! Suuuuriously though, here’s to the Dads on Karma. At the very least, Bill comes in from Long Island and leaves his kid by the wayside. Alf will be drinking his Maker’s to celebrate his own fertility.

Prediction: Karma by 2, twooooo many kids.

What The Puck at LBS, Inc.

WTP used to be a team with a lot of babies, now it’s a team full of babies. I mean young. Like young and happy.  Not like whiny babies. Um…Happy Father’s Day? Lotsa baby daddies on the LBS.  Seth, Karsten and Sam. The difference in this game, all dem babies on WTP are going to go see their Dad’s on Father’s Day. Meanwhile, the Dads on LBS get their wish…to play hockey all day. LBS’ line up is stacked; they’ll get back in the W column this week.

Prediction: LBS by 3, Daddy’s getting his groove on.

Rehabs at Sky Fighters

Which Daddy’s got more kids in this game? Stein or Showtime? Ladies on the court, watch out…these guys might get you pregnant if you get too close to the crease. Welsh has a kid now too, seems like his kid has taught him a thing or two….about whining.  On the Fighters bench, this must be a tough day for Roman. Sam says he’s been begging for anyone to call him Daddy for years. #daddyissues.

Prediction: Rehabs by 2, Showtime sure knows where the five hole is.

Cobra Kai at Poutine Machine

Sebby just got engaged….Happy Father’s Day? A year ago, there’d be a joke in here about Poutine’s Daddy needing to teach ‘em a lesson to sportsmanship, but alas they got their shit together and Sam and I can’t make fun of them. They are now setting the proper father figure tone for the league. Kudos to you guys for having a great season so far. That being said Cobra Kai knows how to one past the goalie.

Prediction: CK by 2, childless…but not scoreless.

Gouging Anklebiters at Mega Touch

Sam is really impressed that Craig finally learned how to wipe his ass after Fumi demonstrated on Jojo, a couple hundred times. Konichiwa. Happy Father’s Day! Alex Eben Meyer, proud new papa. Congrats. Maybe Jojo can teach you too? Jojo’s got his shit together. We all know Tuckman’s a Dad (and damn that kid is cute), but who is going to watch Tito this week? Also shout out to Larry, Phil, Zach and anyone else I might have missed. Maybe Probie too? Who knows.

Prediction: Biters by 3, too bad Amy’s babysitting for this one.

Filthier at Denim Demons

Filthier, Demons….do you guys procreate?  What will happen to BTSH if you guys don’t contribute? Also, Sam wants to know what method of birth control you use, otherwise we’ll have mini-math in a couple years, LADIES?!?!?! (ed note: um if you guys have kids…sorry about that) But let’s get real for a minute, is Jeff playing this week? Because then this is a game to watch.

Prediction: Filthy by 2, they’ve gotta stop the slide.

Corlears Hookers at Gremlins

Will this be the day that all of the old proud papa’s come back and play for the Hookers? Eitel? Putka? Remember when Putka had kids to soften his image? That worked for a few months. Maybe Jamie can bring his adorable nephew/ball boy and we can call him Daddy? Gremlins need to work on putting one past the goalie, literally…not in the baby makin’ way. I know it’s not Thursday anymore, but how about a TBT for Chris Eng, old school Gremlin/Unicorn great that taught us all a thing or two about sportsmanship and fatherhood alike, while still schooling us all on the court.

Prediction: Hookers by 1, they can’t disappoint the kids.

Fuzz at Fresh Kills

Gil and Gil’s son would be the perfect father’s day duo. Still, Ariel manages to sneak out some to play hockey with two kids. Maybe this week Gabe will allow him to score two goals for his two kids? Screw it, calling a hatty. Soko’s been working so hard architecting this mega-team, no time for kids? Glanzer is this your plan? Sam says: Everytime Glanzer gets his balls near the net while trying to score everyone says “NO! Not the high stick, Glanzer! Not the high stick!”
(ed note: this makes way more sense if you say this in Sam’s voice)

Prediction: FK by 1, Gil’s celebrating father’s day?

Mathematics at Butchers

Who cares about the Dads on this team? Justin Perras, you won’t even be there anyway. Sam says: Derek “I can’t be captain this year because I’m focusing on having a family” Tagliarino….took one week off…..geez that was fast. Happy Father’s Day. Sam and I are going to settle this game over a match of quarters on my patio. Guys, you don’t need to show up. But Butchers…um, please show up? JSB, I’m talking to you.

Prediction: Butchers by 1, house rules.