Meredith Should Chew With Her Mouth Closed
GAME OF THE WEEK
Rehabs (6-2) vs. What The Puck (8-0)
Location: Tompkins East, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: What The Puck leads 8-5
Game Notes: The Rehabs were riding high prior to last weekend, as they had won five games in a row and showed no signs of slowing down. However, with the team potentially looking ahead to this week’s matchup with What The Puck, the Rehabs had their streak snapped abruptly and unexpectedly at the hands of the Happy Little Elves. Despite this setback, the team remains only four points behind What The Puck in the overall standings and one point behind the Denim Demons in the Rubens Division standings. As the Rehabs prepare to face their toughest opponent to date, they are happy to welcome back beloved veterans Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman and Stacy Kehoe. Their inpirational presence will help bring back the Rehabs’ $wagger, after the embarrassing loss last week. At this point, it’s old news that Larry’s dream team has been unstoppable this season. What The Puck is yet to lose, and only one of their games has been decided by a single goal. However, the Rehabs won the 2008 matchup between these two teams, so Mad Dog will not take this game lightly.
Keys To The Game:
1. What The Puck leads the league with 48 goals, 11 more than the next closest team. They currently boast three players in the top ten goal scorers: Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta (10), Tom MacDonald (8), and Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. (8).
2. According to highly questionable statistics, Rehabs defender Gina Hackett averages eight blocked shots a game. Eight?! Eight, Bob.
3. What The Puck defender Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri has made no secret about his wishes to keep fiancée/Rehabs star Chantel Arroyo off the court. Ironically, Chantel has made no secret about her wishes to keep fiancé/team cancer Ant on the court.
Eli’s Pick: What The Puck. I’m not picking the team that just lost to the Elves.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck. There’s really no reason to pick against them.
Happy Little Elves (4-4) vs. LBS, Inc. (5-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: LBS, Inc. leads 1-0
Game Notes: In a move that sent shockwaves throughout the BTSH community, the Happy Little Elves have added former Gouging Anklebiter Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri to their roster. With the team playing .500 hockey, the Elves fully expect this transaction to propel them to the top of the Rubens Division. Unfortunately, DiPierri will be unable to join his new team for several weeks.
Eli’s Pick: LBS, Inc. They’re glad to be back in white.
Derek’s Pick: LBS, Inc. The one-two punch of Karsten and Ken will be too much for the Elves D to handle.
Gouging Anklebiters (2-5-1) vs. Mathematics (2-4-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: Mathematics lead 4-1
Game Notes: This will be the Anklebiters first game without the services of Eric “El Guapo” DiPierri. Although the Biters will miss his offensive prowess, the move may result in an improvement in team chemistry. The Mathematics have now allowed seven goals in each of their last two games and will need to toughen up defensively.
Cobra Kai (1-6-0-1) vs. Sky Fighters (5-3)
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Cobra Kai leads 3-1
Game Notes: Although Cobra Kai has now lost three games in a row, the Dojo was able to notch three goals against league powerhouse What The Puck last week. However, that offensive outburt only brought their season scoring total to 11, which ties them with Sky Fighters defender Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters
Derek’s Pick: Sky Fighters. Rumor has it Cejka got a tattoo of the Czech Republic on his face.
Denim Demons (5-0-2-1) vs. Fresh Kills (4-4)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 5-3
Game Notes: Led by their goalie Aaron “Coach” Pagdon, the Denim Demons have not allowed a goal in their last 163 minutes of play. However, they face a stern test in a Fresh Kills team that has defeated the Corlears Hookers and Dark Rainbows in its last two games.
Eli’s Pick: No pick. Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Denim Demons
Unicorns (5-3) vs. Tuques (1-7)
Location: Tompkins West, 4:00 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 10-0
Game Notes: This Woodsworth Division rivalry has been dominated by the Unicorns throughout the years, as they have never lost to the Tuques. Both teams suffered tough one goal losses last week and will be looking to rebound on Sunday.
Eli’s Pick: Unicorns
Derek’s Pick: Unicorns. Based on these teams’ records this season, I don’t expect the trend of this series to change.
Dark Rainbows (6-1-0-1) vs. Mexican Standoff (0-7-0-1)
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Dark Rainbows lead 5-1
Game Notes: The Dark Rainbows were missing nearly half of their roster last week as the team was busy watching captain Sean Reynolds get hitched. However, they were still able to salvage a point against defending BTSH champion Fresh Kills by forcing overtime with a late goal.
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows. No word on whether Mexican Standoff prankster Ben plans on a follow-up to his white polo shirt gimmick.
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Corlears Hookers (5-2-0-1) vs. Filthy Gorgeous (6-1-1)
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Corlears Hookers lead 3-0
Game Notes: When these two teams last met in the 2008 playoff semi-finals, the Corlears Hookers advanced with a solid 4-2 win. Certainly, Filthy Gorgeous will be looking to avenge this loss, but with both teams once again playing at a high level this year, an intense matchup is expected.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous. They haven’t allowed a goal in 116 minutes.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous. Attendance issues once again catch up to the Hookers.
HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS
Mega Touch (1-6-1) vs. Mighty Squirrels (3-5)
Location: Tompkins East, 6:30 PM
All-Time Series: Mighty Squirrels lead 4-1
Game Notes: In this week’s edition of Hockey Night in Tompkins, two struggling teams will finally get a chance to showcase their talents on a league-wide stage. The Mighty Squirrels look forward to having their rookie sensation Eric Ramirez in the limelight, as he is now tied for the team lead in goals (with 2) in addition to being the Squirrels’ primary goalie. Mega Touch is just happy to finally have other players on the team in the spotlight, besides recent “Know Your Neighbor” celebrity Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer.
Eli’s Pick: Mighty Squirrels. They always seem to get stuck with the late game.
Derek’s Pick: Mega Touch
Phil Donohue (GA) – Sky Fighters
Abigail Meisterman (DD) – Mighty Squirrels
Larry Zimmer (WTP) – Sky Fighters
Andy Pratt (MATH) – Week 1
Monica Russo (FG) – Week 1
Caroline Currie (FK) – Week 2
Enayet Rasul (CK) – Week 2
Rich Glanzer (HLE) – Week 3
Craig LaCombe (UNI) – Week 3
Adam Rubens (DD) – Week 3
Matt Spedalari (TUQ) – Week 3
James Stein (SKY) – Week 3
Alex Eben Meyer (MT) – Week 4
Josh Sadlier-Brown (CH) – Week 4
Corey Winters (WTP) – Week 6
Sean Reynolds (DR) – Week 7
Ara Arnn (CK) – Week 8
Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli (REH) – Week 8
Rachel Greene (MSQ) – Week 8
Hector Melendez (REH) – Week 9