Congratulations To Your 2010 Fairy Tale Cup Champions!

After several grueling weeks of competition, a new team has emerged as the 2010 Fairy Tale Cup champions: the Dark Rainbows.  With their 3-2 defeat of the 2008 and 2009 cup holders, the Unicorns, last Sunday, they have clinched this prestigious (yet imaginary) trophy.

The Fairy Tale Cup pits the Dark Rainbows, Happy Little Elves, and Unicorns in an annual triangular series.  With all three teams in the same division (Hackett) this year, each team was originally scheduled to play two games against each of the other competitors.  However, with one game (HLE vs. Unis) cancelled due to “rain fears”, each team’s winning percentage would determine its ranking.  The Rainbows finished with six of a possible eight points, after sweeping the Elves and splitting against the Unicorns.  Here are the scores for each game in this season’s series:

Week 1: Unicorns 4, Dark Rainbows 0
Week 3: Happy Little Elves @ Unicorns – Game cancelled due to “rain fears”
Week 5: Dark Rainbows 4, Happy Little Elves 2
Week 9: Dark Rainbows 5, Happy Little Elves 4
Week 10: Dark Rainbows 3, Unicorns 2
Week 11: Unicorns @ Happy Little Elves – Outcome has no bearing

The Dark Rainbows are clearly excited about finally capturing the coveted prize.  When reached for comment, Rainbow veteran Michel Walkley, who scored the game-winning goal against the Unicorns, exclaimed, “What’s the Fairy Tale Cup?”  Josh Wilson, another long-time Rainbow, made sure to stay gracious and humble after the Rainbows’ triumph, noting, “Rich Glanzer can suck it.”

The aforementioned Elves co-captain Glanzer, whose team is now 1-5 all-time in Fairy Tale Cup games, was crushed upon hearing of the Rainbows’ victory.  He lamented, “The dream is over.”  However, the Elves can take solace in their current possession of the slightly less prestigious (but just as imaginary) Barnacle Bowl.

Dirty Laundry

Written by Fashion Correspondent Abigail Meisterman

What better team to talk about this week than the Butchers? If you’ve been alive and listening to music over the past thirty years (or more for some of us), you may recognize the skull-face staring out at you. Eschewing the traditions of appropriating a logo or just creating one, the Butchers have gone for flat out thievery by lifting, without modifying, the Misfits band logo. (Unfortunately, it’s not the evil band from Jem.) But why is this fitting for this week?

Wednesday, June 30 marks the release of the third movie in the Twilight saga, Eclipse*. I know what you’re thinking, this team doesn’t have any sparkly vampires or were-puppies. (Or does it?! Captain Ben Bloom is a hairy guy, and Georgine Paulin wears sunglasses to cut down on the glare coming off the often shirtless chest of MIA-Jason Rosenstock!) What this jersey does have in common with the teen series is the symbol on the sleeve of the Butchers’ shirts: a steaming bowl of tripe. Tripe: what the Butchers hope to make of their opponents and the meat equivalent of Stephenie Meyer’s “prose.”

* It also marks the best day ever for this media correspondent.

Know Your Neighbour

Name: Adam Skuse
Team: Rehabs
Suggested Nickname: The All-American Canadian
Rejected Nicknames: The All-Canadian American, Moose, d@ $h0W, Villano VIII
Origin: Cobourg, ON
College: Bowdoin College
Early Aspirations: To eat 50 popsicles in one sitting
Early Accomplishments: Having his artwork awarded third place in the second grade division of the Cobourg Waterfront Festival for his popsicle stick sculpture of the CN Tower
First Job: Gas pumper at the Cobourg Marina
Current Job: Working with financial technology for HSBC
Hero: Sir Sandford Fleming, who helped create and define the idea of time zones
Reason to Love Him: He hails from “Ontario’s Feel Good Town”.
Reason to Hate Him: He was not rooting for the United States during the 2010 Winter Olympics.
Best Known For: Leading the Rehabs in scoring in 2009, despite joining the team mid-season.
Fast Fact: Adam must be at his office by 5:00 AM to monitor the British markets.
Favourite Things: Mathematics, the English national football soccer team, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the Bowdoin lobster bake
Favourite Accessories: Sunglasses and bandanas
Least Favourite Things: Middlebury College, beets, having to work on Canada Day, the Los Angeles Lakers
Hockey Comparison: Justin Williams
Non-Hockey Comparison: Jack Swagger
Things The Media Will Continue to Overhype About Him: The correlation between his Saturday night plans and his inconsistent attendance
Down the Road: Adam joins the rest of the Rehabs on a “team-building” retreat at Anita Khar’s beach house on the Connecticut shoreline during the July 4th weekend.  Captain Meredith “Danberg” Ficarelli has scheduled numerous activities to increase team unity including a pie-eating contest, a three-legged race, and a scavenger hunt.  The plan backfires, however, when Bryan “Stork” Welch and Stacy S. Kehoe lose the three-legged race and begin yelling at each other.