The X-Factor’s Offseason Regimen Does Not Inspire

GAME OF THE WEEK
What The Puck at Sky Fighters
Location: Tompkins East, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Sky Fighters lead 7-2
Game Notes: The best game of BTSH’s opening weekend pits perennial contender and 2009 runner up What The Puck in a championship game rematch against the Sky Fighters.  Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer’s Orange Juggernaut boasted the league’s top offense in 2009, and with all of their primary scorers returning, the team is expected to light the lamp often once again.  Despite a mid-season ankle injury, Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta led the team with 20 goals.  This year, the offense should be further bolstered as he returns at full health.  The Sky Fighters were led by defender Martin “Ocho Cinco” Cejka, who also registered 20 goals.  However, unlike previous seasons, Cejka had a much stronger and more noticeable supporting cast, including David Cernan and Greg “Mr. August” Cohan.  Together, Cernan and Cohan combined for three of the Sky Fighters six goals in the championship game. With revenge still on What The Puck’s mind, the defending champs will need this supporting cast to step up once again.
Keys To The Game:
1. With the Sky Fighters raising their championship banner in an elaborate pre-game ceremony, they will have a clear mental edge as the game begins.
2. Although What The Puck lost in the championship game, the team is quick to point out that it was their second game of the day, as they had just finished a grueling semifinal against Fresh Kills.  The team is looking forward to the chance at avenging its loss while fresh.
3. This contest will feature the two most recent August centerfolds from the BTSH Hunk Calendar.  What The Puck’s Salvatore Malguarnera, Jr. was showcased in 2009, while the Sky Fighters Greg “Mr. August” Cohan will be highlighted in 2010.  Interestingly, 2008’s Mr. August, Bryan “Stork” Welch, will be reffing.
Eli’s Pick: Sky Fighters. They weren’t intimidated for the championship game, and they won’t be here either.
Derek’s Pick: What The Puck.  Mad Dog is too crafty to lose to the same team twice in a row.
Watchability: 5 Hoppers.  It’s the championship rematch and also Opening Day.

Filthy Gorgeous at Denim Demons
Location: Tompkins East, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 2-2-1
Game Notes: The Denim Demons begin their quest to repeat as Rubens Division and regular season champions.  However, it will be tougher this year as top players Micael Holmström and Jeff Kamen will not be playing for most of the season.  Filthy Gorgeous, likewise, will be without the services of phenom Paul “Ashy Larry” Vernon.
Eli’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  Vernon hasn’t been on the team for years, but they still looked pretty good last season.
Derek’s Pick: Filthy Gorgeous.  The “Gentleman” James Pereira show begins.
Watchability: 4 Hoppers

Butchers at Tompkins Square Riots
Location: Tompkins West, 1:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: This inter-division Schumacher Conference matchup features the league’s two expansion teams.
Eli’s Pick: Butchers
Derek’s Pick: Butchers.  The team may be new, but the players will still have a lot of chemistry together.
Watchability: 2 Hoppers

Poutine Machine at Mathematics
Location: Tompkins East, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: League sideshow and new Mathematic Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez begins his career as an official starting goalie, while Poutine Machine’s Patrick “Sven” Larsen begins his career as an official captain.
Watchability: 2.5 Hoppers. $howT!m3’s antics are always worth an extra half Hopper.  Thus, he is half as valuable as Dan Hopper, who is worth a full Hopper.

Gut Rot at Mega Touch
Location: Tompkins West, 2:00 PM
All-Time Series: First Meeting
Game Notes: Gut Rot (in its Mexican Standoff incarnation) and Mega Touch both lost their play-in games in the 2009 playoffs.  Both teams will look to rebound and get off to a winning start in this MacNeil Division contest.
Eli’s Pick: Mega Touch
Derek’s Pick: Gut Rot. Why not?
Watchability: 1.5 Hoppers

Cobra Kai at La Famiglia (Formerly the Tuques)
Location: Tompkins West, 3:00 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 2-2
Game Notes: The biggest story entering this game is the Tuques’ last minute name change to La Famiglia.  Ironically, due to a naming rights agreement, they were unable to change the name of their home court, so the game will still be played in Tuques Arena.
Eli’s Pick: Tuques La Famiglia.  I’m still getting used to this name change.
Derek’s Pick: La Famiglia.  Dave’s new superstar initiative strikes again.
Watchability: 3 Hoppers

Unicorns at Dark Rainbows
Location: Tompkins East, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Unicorns lead 5-4
Game Notes: This game will be the first contest of the triangular series among the Unicorns, Dark Rainbows, and Happy Little Elves for the prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup.  The Unicorns are currently in possession of it (or would be, if it existed).
Eli’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Derek’s Pick: Dark Rainbows
Watchability: 3 Hoppers. Rich Glanzer of the Happy Little Elves will be unhappy with the result of this game regardless of the outcome.

Rehabs at Happy Little Elves
Location: Tompkins West, 4:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 2-2
Game Notes: These teams last met in the first round of the 2009 playoffs, with the Rehabs besting the Elves 3-1.  However, the Elves took both of the 2009 regular season meetings between these Hackett Division rivals.
Eli’s Pick: Rehabs. You were expecting something else?
Derek’s Pick: Rehabs
Watchability: 4 Hoppers

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (National Telecast)
Corlears Hookers at LBS, Inc.
Location: Tompkins East, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Tied 1-1
Game Notes: Although these two teams never played last season due to rain fears, scheduling conflicts, and general boobery, there is still animosity between these Rubens Division foes.  LBS, Inc. forward “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin still harbors resentment over the Hookers’ choice in team colors.
Eli’s Pick: No pick.  Eli will be reffing this game.
Derek’s Pick: Corlears Hookers
Watchability: 4.5 Hoppers.  Poulin can rest easy, as the Hookers are the visiting team and will have to wear purple.

HOCKEY NIGHT IN TOMPKINS (Regional Telecast)
Fresh Kills at Gouging Anklebiters
Location: Tompkins West, 5:30 PM
All-Time Series: Fresh Kills leads 8-3
Game Notes: Amidst all of the offseason player movement in BTSH, the Anklebiters saw very little roster turnover and have kept a good part of their core for several years.  Fresh Kills, on the other hand, had nearly half of their team leave to form the Riots, and compensated by adding a plethora of free agents.
Eli’s Pick: Fresh Kills.  The Anklebiters can no longer put their foot down.
Derek’s Pick: No pick.  Derek will be reffing this game.
Watchability: 3 Hoppers

Survivor Pool

Greg Altman (CK) – Dark Rainbows
Adriano Bratta (WTP) – What The Puck
Jennie Brown (DR) – LBS, Inc.
Ben Chadwick (HLE) – Fresh Kills
Eric Devlin (MT) – La Famiglia
Eric DiPierri (HLE) – Butchers
Phil Donohue (GA) – Butchers
Ellery Gillette (GUT) – Gut Rot
Rich Glanzer (HLE) – Butchers
Tim Gray (PM) – Mathematics
Jesse Kalb (BUT) – Fresh Kills
Hector Melendez (MATH) – La Famiglia
Minkus (PM) – La Famiglia
Dan Owens (FG) – Fresh Kills
Danny Polinsky (DD) – Fresh Kills
Peter Prohaska (GA) – Poutine Machine
Adam Rubens (DD) – Dark Rainbows
James Stein (SKY) – Sky Fighters
Larry Zimmer (WTP) – Mathematics