Amy Lott Is Very Impressed With Amy Lott

Sky Fighters Missed the Memo: Children Should Make the Shirts, Not Design Them
Mexican Standoff, Unicorns, and Dark Rainbows all unveiled new uniforms on Sunday, while the Sky Fighters plan to inaugurate their “lovely” new jerseys (as modeled by Amy Lott above) this Sunday.  In an attempt to be more like the Mighty Squirrels (“Please!”), the Gouging Anklebiters sported new track jackets.  There is no word yet on whether they plan to add aging former goalies with back issues to their roster.

Injury Roundup 
In another potential sign of Corlears Hookers jealousy running rampant, Brendan “Dutch” Kearney was noticeably bruised and battered on Sunday.  Although the Hookers offered no official statement regarding the matter, inside sources report that Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney had a pair of brass knuckles in his hockey bag.

Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens of the Denim Demons deactivated himself with an apparent back injury, which was sustained when Rubens tried to forcibly remove teammate “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau from the court.  Dandeneau has yet to apologize.

Citing an extremely Sharif-like wrist injury, Georgine “Mulva” Paulin missed week 1 for the Mathematics.  According to her, however, it did not prevent her from closing a deal that very day.

Marie Marberg of the Mighty Squirrels played valiantly, despite several head ailments.  She will still be listed as questionable this week.

Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri chose to attend Game Three of the Boston Bruins-Montreal Canadiens series, as he was already in Boston seeing a specialist for his deteriorating hip condition.  Captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer may already be regretting his big offseason acquisition.

He Has Several Tapes of The Little Rascals Too
With a light chill still in the air, many BTSH players were forced to wear several layers in addition to their team uniforms.  However, not everyone could do it with the style of Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi, who donned one of his many colorful Cliff Huxtable sweaters.

$howT!m3 is a Master Wordsmith
“Hey, Craig, if you looked bad today…imagine in two weeks when we see you at Corlears.” — Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez, regarding the upcoming Unicorns-Rehabs game on April 27

YOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!
The first goal of the Mathematics season was gloriously celebrated in style, as Derek Tagliarino, Eli Kazin, and Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi did an impromptu version of Soulja Boy’s “Crank That” dance.  Interestingly, the song was later played at Jeremy’s Ale House to the delight of all in attendance.  Also, upon further review, is this instructional video set in a drained pool?

Captain’s Commendations
Editors Note: Each week, we welcome captains to submit a nominee to be recognized for contributions other than goals. If you would like to nominate one of your players, make sure you notify us.

Cobra Kai: Susannah Pasquantonio put up with Ski’s antics. 
Corlears Hookers: Michelle Eisenberg “dominated play in her first hockey game ever…setting up a goal”, according to Peter “Purple Rain” Putka. 
Denim Demons: Sara Farkas created numerous scoring opportunities. 
Filthy Gorgeous: Goalie Dan Owens played his first game in BTSH. 
Fresh Kills: Shane-O DeBlasio made the emergency start in goal and successfully stopped Martin Cejka in the shootout.  He also finds Heidi’s nickname extremely hilarious.
Gouging Anklebiters: “‘Quiet’ Mike [O’Connor] was awesome!” — Phil “Sandy” Donohue 
Happy Little Elves: Goaltender Jason Fate was victorious in his (and the Elves’) first BTSH game. 
Mathematics: Jeffrey Contray was a key defender in the Mathematics’ shutout.  He also has a neat soul patch.
Rehabs: Mike Sayre generated several scoring chances. 
Sky Fighters: Amy Lott–without hesitation–nominated herself.
Unicorns: Chris’s two and a half month old daughter, Lilly, cheered the whole game.
What the Puck: Corey “Chongo” Winters played approximately 45 minutes in the absence of Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman.