by Cat 

Third Star
Lee B and the Rainiest Rained Out Scrimmage Ever

Nothing like a rain fears poll to turn captains into amateur meteorologists. Poutine and Hookers were apparently looking at a different doppler radar and canceled their game. Chirpy as I’m feeling about this, the silver lining to this nonexistent raincloud was an excellent impromptu scrimmage.

Undiscouraged by his team’s lack of hustle, Lee attended the courts and covertly set about his plan to get playing time on the vacant East Court. His strategy seems to have consisted exclusively of dangling more playing time in front of JW. As a man who can never not take the bait – wait until I ask if a cereal is a soup or whatever – the first domino fell, and eventually a whole herd of Rainbows followed (abandoning me to get a burger at Royale alone with nothing but leftover birthday cupcakes to tip Ella with). I’m sure there were other teams there but Jess D and I don’t feel salty about them!

Second Star
Bradley S and the New Boards

Sleek, stylish, practical, easy to pick up and carry – this is not my Tinder profile but a genuine heart-eyes-emoji description of Bradley S’s incredible gift to the league. THE BOARDS.

I’m making this up as I go but they were hand-crafted from the finest pine, reinforced by Marine grade rubber matting, and designed to fit in compact, portable cases emblazoned with the regal BTSH logo.

Beautiful AND functional! Thanks for keeping our balls in bounds in style!

First Star
Erich G of the Gremlins

Remember that time like two weeks ago when it was kind of a slow week so I gave Erich the second star because he is “low key one of the best players in the league.”

I’m giving him a promotion to FIRST star due to Sunday’s incredible performance against the Sky Fighters.

Gremmies came into the game as underdogs from the lower division. Blue took the lead early with two goals, including an absolutely perfect tip in from Mia. But Erich kept his team in the game, scoring once in the first half, and then matching Fighters goal for goal to rack up a hat trick in the second.

The Gremlins big moment came when Maire claimed the tying goal at the end of the match, sending it into OT – which lasted about six seconds, as Erich promptly scored from half court.

To again quote myself from two-ish weeks ago: Damn gurl.

Honorable Mentions

Apparently Greg K from Filthier also scored 4 goals against Gut Rot. I also award you a Damn gurl.

Originally I thought Joey B from Rehabs scored 4 goals against WTP, but according to Hogg’s box scores he only scored a hat trick. So now Joey, you get Nothing.

I’m giving a Rich Glnzr Participation Trophy to none other than Rich Glnzr, for taking over the Stars last week when I was sick and missed my game!

Positioning, positioning, positioning – Sarah M from the Biters emphatically pounded in two backdoor against Karma. Oh behave.