by Richiehero

Third Star
Jenn P of Denim Demons

Birthday weekend, renting a yacht, watching Hogg eat a sneaker, winning your game AND scoring your first goal? Well that’s first star worthy.

Unfortunately for Jenn I asked how she scored her first goal and it left me less than satisfied. The Rainbows pulled their goalie, and some dude on the Rainbows lost their damn mind and shot it in the open net. Jenn allegedly “touched it last” for the Demons. I believe that as much as I believe JR had nothing to do with Mini-Me dying last week.

Second Star
Kevin M of Poutine Machine

It was overtime and the score was close, as most OT’s are. Kevin got the ball along the fence, moved near the middle of the court and had two choices. Pass it to Charlotte who has never scored a BTSH goal or shoot. He chose wisely and shot. The ball hit something on the East Court and went into the net. First star for the game, but sorry bud, not for the league.

First Star
Hanson of Mega Touch

There aren’t too many players left from BTSH’s Opening Day back in 2000, but one of them is Hanson from Mega. Hanson and Nadia were right in front of the net and it proved to be too much for Ed from Gut Rot as Hanson put the Mylec ball in the back of the net. Was he done? Not a chance. The guy proceeded to get 3 more! Not three more goals, three more penalties.

Props also go to Alok and Mike T. Alok had a goal and an assist but made up for it by missing an easy goal later in the game, and then with Gut Rot’s goalie pulled and Julie WIDE FRIGGIN OPEN decided to shoot from no angle and miss the net. Tuckman kept Gut Rot in it by giving up a 75-foot-goal as he was arguing with the refs over a call we got right from 20 minutes prior. I kid because I love guys.

Honorable Mentions

Rehabs vs. Filthier was off the charts. The Angry Feminist was thrilled as Monique scored one and Cherie scored the other 2. She also broke my computer when she snuck into my DM’s and said #GirlPower. I puked all over my keyboard…but still helluva game.

The Free Agent List: Karma and at least 2 other teams used free agent goalies instead of Tim K. and Jamie. But Karma if you need a full-time goalie, Coach for Cory and Brianna is still on the table.

Sky Fighters: Despite playing half the game with 3 girls on the rink (cue the hate mail for using the word despite) they dominated the first half and hung in with Fuzz, losing only 4-1. The guy in the Avs hat is a goooood.

Jews: Mike T. and Jeff scored two goals each for Fuzz. I’m assuming Eitan lost so it probably wasn’t all good for The Tribe.

Probie: Fantastic positioning as a ref, scored a goal *and* Miles bailed so he extended his lead in the goal scoring race.

Suzie WTP: I promised Justin I wouldn’t poach Hogg in 2018, never said anything about Suzie. Another game, another goal.

Sam Norris is a dick but he’s doing a great job with the refs.

Top Shelf Tommy and Siena Cobra Kai: Tommy with his fourth goal and Siena scored her first career BTSH goal. More importantly, they both got their first career Honorable Mention. Also, they are the last undefeated team left. There Will, are you happy? Hope Math kills you next week. I hate that you are making me root for Math since I hate every player on that team except Cecil & Harambe members Dave and Elly. I obviously am joking…James and Rebecca are cool too but that’s it.

Scott from Gut Rot kinda had a hat trick. He had one real goal and one goal from 75 feet away so it was kinda like a 2 point shot. Becca played center but looked stressed out.  (Scotty’s mention is the only honorable one here.)

Luke from the Lbs. scored a hat trick.

Ariel made three amazing passes to Soko in a 3 minute span to give Dave 3 easy tap in goals. He scored in one of them. But later he and Danilo shamed themselves in the shootout. Danilo…deked Barch out of his pile but forgot to actually you know… put the ball in the open net.

And lastly, Cro made the defensive play of the year with no time left in OT..right in front of his nemesis Probie!

That’s it folks. If you didn’t make a star or HM it’s either bc your captain sucks and didn’t tell me what you did…or sadly, you suck.