By Jess

Third Star

Liz from LBS

After being savaged by Rich in the previews, Liz scored the first goal of the game for the Lbs and more notably the first goal of the season against the Hookers. +1 for feminism and -1 for the patriarchy!!!! 

Second Star


Lady Butchers

Butchers for beating Rehabs not only in the earliest game of the day but playing some good hockey the day after Rose- a feat in itself! 

First Star

Sky Fighters

Don’t look too excited to be here, Greg.

Sky Fighters for locking down a W in an epic 7 round shoot out against Gut Rot.

Honorable Mentions

Mike D aka Pigeon Man for calmly and gently removing that weird sick pigeon that went on to wreak havoc across the courts from the middle of the WTP game.

actual footage of Mike D and said pigeon

Henry from WTP for notching 2 goals* and having rly good hair while doing it.

*”my boyfriend scored 2 goals”- an anonymous bystander on the WTP sidelines to anyone who would listen.

Cody from the Gremlins for getting a shot to the bananas and then coming back to life to score the winning shootout goal. He may not be able to shoot anything out of his dick for a while but he can sure shoot the ball.

After being predicted to lose to the Demons by some idiot media writer*, Karma came up big in a shootout and delivered the Demons’ first loss of the year. A notable team effort, this star can’t be given to just one player.

*me. I was the idiot media writer.

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