by Rachel K
This was a very difficult week for 3 stars. Seriously, everyone was a star. All of you. You’re all goddamn stars. Never change, BTSH. Here we go.
Craig L from the Gouging Anklebiters
You know why you’re 3rd star…. …it was the glove contribution, of course, and its timeliness. Also, the Wiz Khalifa Black & Yellow reference didn’t hurt your case. Aside from that, we can all agree that you embodied everything that BTSH stands for at the Olympics, and gave the people what they wanted. For that, we thank you. I just want to put it out there that it took me 2 years in the league to realize that Craig was DJ Bubblebath, so feel free to publicly shame me. Also, sorry for putting you in the Dog House last week. Ok fine, this is a pity star.
Charlotte from Poutine Machine
Look at that textbook form!!!!! First of all, despite being away earlier in the weekend with her family, she came back just to show up for Poutine at the BTSH Olympics! And boy, did she show up. Not one, not two, but THREE events – Case Race, Flip Cup Tournament, and 2 Girls 1 Cup. 2 Girls 1 Cup was especially memorable (amirite?), with her and hottie teammate Emily M losing by the tiniest hair to the women of Gut Rot. You won in my book, ladies. Charlotte had absolutely no quit in her & drank like a champion, and that’s why she gets 2nd star. (Sidenote: Do I smell a rookie of the year contender????)
Phil D from the Gouging Anklebiters
3 Stars was hard, except for this star. Phil deserves a medal and a special place in the BTSH HOF for bringing back what clearly is one of the best BTSH events. It took 6 long years, but BTSH Olympics are back and, if I have anything to do with it, aren’t going anywhere. Phil was instrumental in locking down Parkside Lounge which was the perfect venue –drink specials for the league, a catwalk, and a private back room so that we could pack as much nudity into hot legs as possible. He also MC-ed the event and kept the events rolling on throughout the night, which as BTSH-ers get drunk is like herding cats. Really, really drunk cats. NOT ONLY THAT guys, his team obliterated the competition in Case Race. CASE RACE CHAMPIONS. Shout out to his team the Anklebiters who came out in force and assisted in the Case Race victory.
Rich G from Fuzz, after spending weeks and weeks claiming he could bench multiple people, Glanzer finally put his money where his mouth is and squatted (Brian Sullivan Alert) Brian Sullivan. (For the video, go to the league’s Facebook page.) Bonus points for the SAVAGE drop at the end. And a hat tip to Mikey who was there to clean BSA off the floor.
Patsy Flabongo from the Free Agent List, despite being brand new to the league, everyone welcomed her with open arms (and mouths). She drank with too many people to count, outlasted all of us, went to Sing Sing where she allegedly brought the house down with a soulful rendition of Cat Stevens “Wild World”, and then quietly sacrificed herself to the party gods on behalf of BTSHers everywhere. Rest in peace, Patsy. You will be missed.
Everyone else: A HUGE shout out to everyone who took off their shirts, pants, filter, and/or dignity Sunday night. You are the unwritten heroes of this week. Keep BTSH weird.
**Notably absent from this list is the BrOcean City crew, who went down Monday and can’t stop throwing in our faces that they are on a beach while the rest of us are sitting at work like a bunch of jabronis. Can’t knock the hustle, but the FOMO hurts pretty bad so save some shenanigans for when the rest of us get there.