by RichieHero

Sorry Sarah T., you picked the wrong week to score the most beautiful goal of your life. With the Olympics, upsets and individual great performances, this is one of the toughest weeks to get a star. Thank God the Rainbows failed to get their first same day win in almost two years or the Star Snubs would have been off the chart. But enough babbling, more starring.

Third Star
Joe P. from the Gouging Anklebiters

No pity point for you Lbs.

With just two ticks remaining before OT, Joe P. rifled one past Zisser, denying the Lbs. even a pity point. Speaking of pity, Joe P. was once one of the greats in BTSH. He started  in 2010 and was wildly considered one of the best players in the league. But injuries, Father Time and the infusion of young talent like his teammate Probie, has left Joe behind. Plus the time Ellery whipped him during a game, screaming, “You aint no RG1! Rex Grossman sucks. Robert Griffin III 4 Lyfe” didn’t help. But the ol’ man proved he still has the skills to excel in our lovely league.

Second Star
John M from Mathematics

Dave is just as deserving as John to receive this honor.

As much as I want to have John share this star with fellow World Champion, Cecil(e) Harambe goaltender Dave L., I have to singularly give this to John. He was a beast and put one past long time Fresh Kills goalie, Jamie in OT to win it. While John gets the glory, Math proves once again they are a great T-E-A-M. They can literally beat any team, and prob lose to any team as well. But they won’t lose too often if they play like they did yesterday. Math dumped the ball often and made FK go the length of the field if they wanted success. Sam and Zach were motivated to pull the upset, and Courtney and free agent Michelle were particularly tough for Math. A well-earned win all around.

First Stars
Olympic winners Nicole/Sam (arm wrestling) and Zach (Hot legs)

Back-to-back Arm Wrestling Champ. (Nicole not pictured.)

As great as all you winners were last night, three stood out. In perhaps the best field ever in mens arm-wrestling, Sam was far and away the best. He claims he never works out, and no one believes him. If he ever took off his glasses he’s probably Denis from Filthier. Meanwhile Nicole didn’t have a match that lasted two seconds. Because we had an odd #, I even made her go an extra round because it was obvious she was going to win when she entered. I don’t see anyone taking the title from these two warriors, unless that new muscle guy on Filthier joins. More props to Sam who beat Nicole in the Champions Match. It was only the second time in league history since the Modern Era (2008-2015) that a man beat a woman. ($h0wT!m3 over Cherie two years ago.)

As for the hot legs, Zach and Greenwald put on a show. Greenwald has my respect and my vote, but the BTSH Universe picked Zach. Both stripped down to their underwar and Greenwald even had tidy whities. It was a great show.

Honorable Mentions

Alex and the Lbs. for their Flip Cup dominance and Morgen and Klion for defending their two girl one cup title. Congrats to Phil for winning his first Olympic medal in the Love Poem on the napkin.

Gotta give one to Probie, Cheeky and the rest of the social chairs who organized this epic event, and let someone lick whip cream off their ass. (Don’t ask because we won’t tell) But the real props go out to the Social Chairman himself, Alex effing F!

Tommy C., Gut Rot. Two goals to help propel Gut Rot over an allegedly depleted Gremlins team.

Matt from Instant Karma with two goals.

Mike T. with four goals for Fuzz.

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