by Cat

The Round of 16! Puts a tear in your eye doesn’t it – the beginning of the end, really. I’ll get to see my other friends (yes I have other friends). I would say I’ll drink less and go to bed earlier but we’re getting into the holidays, cuffing season, etc. I can definitely say I won’t miss Yetter.

Remember when I was a 3 stars neophyte asking Isaac if he would give one to a bag of Doritos? Now I have a list of enemies the size of Zac’s latest twitter rant.

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss your turn at Frey’s wine bag.

Third Star
Craig from Gouging Anklebiters

Gremlins fought their hearts out but couldn’t overcome the Gouging Anklebiters. Jamie worked his ass off in net, but Craig ended the game with the shut out. This turns out to be especially noteworthy because this was Craig’s first career playoff shutout. Hell yeah dude! (This feels like the bro version of damn gurl and therefore tone deaf in these politically charged times but I’ll give a patented Kavanaugh fake-apology and move the fuck on.)

Second Star
Sam N from Mathematics

This year an alternate trophy was implemented – the Schlitz Cup.

The teams involved – Riots, Mega, Rainbows, Gut Rot – embody Old School BTSH i.e. before my time but as a Brooklyn hipster I’m thrilled to be labeled Authentic. I’m also looking forward to being rewarded for it with a keg of beer, which is quite literally worth more than a PBR Cup.

I can’t speak for the Gut Rot/Riots game, but Mega Touch showed up after about 5 hours of straight drinking after their playoff game to compete against the Dark Rainbows, who were straight up ~feelin themselves~ in their new alternate jerseys and had forwards play defense and defense play offense. It was a fucking good time. So thank you Sam for implementing the Schlitz – I have more brain space than necessary devoted to future Schlitz pubs right now and I owe it all to you.

First Star
Derek from Instant Karma and RJ from Poutine Machine

The game of the day was Poutine vs Karma. There were highs – like Jerome once again confusing football with soccer with hockey and salsa dancing a ball into the net. And there were lows – an impressive amount of shit thrown at the refs, especially Zach.

I’ve set a precedent of giving stars to goalies but I heard from a lot of people that Instant Karma’s Derek put on a spectacular show on Sunday. Overtime was relentless theater with Derek mainly pummeling Poutine’s goalie with shots – and RJ robbing him over and over of a goal.

For playoffs I’ll break precedent and let these talented kiddos share their gold star.

RICH GLANZER PARTICIPATION TROPHY

Rich scored an own goal.