Third Star
Gut Rot 2017
by Diana

Gut Rot had a hell of a season this year, especially considering the season they had in 2016. Not only were they as entertaining as ever, they put up some amazing W’s along the way (8 wins to be exact).

Let’s go over the highlights of the green machines this year:

1. Getting Ed P. in goal.

2. Staying awesome on the scene.

3. Then there was the most precious moment of the season – Peaches getting some rough play around the crease from Fuzz, burying the winning goal, and saluting his opponent on the way out.

Bravo, bitchezzz, bravo.

Second Star
Charlotte M. from Poutine Machine
by BTSH Media Team

Cat B. showed up to her Rainbows playoff game without sneakers. (Oh, Catherine.) Once Cat realized her error, the Rainbows and friends were standing around brainstorming, trying to think of who might have sneakers in Cat’s size to lend her, but no one at the courts was able to help.

A friend to the Rainbows happened to know that Charlotte was on her way to the courts, and that she (presumably) has smaller feet, like Cat. They called Charlotte and she immediately sprung into action. (Well, as much as a person with a broken foot can spring into action.) Charlotte stopped at her apartment, grabbed a pair of sneakers, and rushed to Cat’s rescue.

Upon arriving at the courts, Charlotte used the Force to levitate the sneakers over to Cat, but when Cat and the Rainbows turned around to thank her…she had vanished. Her work there was done.

Cat-in-Charlotte’s-sneakers and the Rainbows played incredibly well and (almost) won the game.
Charlotte did all this even though she sadly cannot play right now, due to the aforementioned broken foot.

Helping your fellow BTSHers…..it’s the BTSH way.

First Star
Probie from Gouging Anklebiters
by Jerome

The Anklebiters have had a 2017 that pundits initially banked on to be successful, namely with a stellar goalie tandem in Timmay and Craig. But smack-dab in the middle of the season they hardly gained traction—1 point in a string of 6 games—and the inevitabilities of participating in the play-in game were becoming more apparent. Well guess what… Phil’s platoon of blues and golds didn’t care about that, and that goes for the game-winning goalscorer as well.

Probie, tallying a robust 13 goals for the season, lasered in a postseason brace last Sunday to help some happy humans reach the sweet sixteen, notably the overtime goal that sent his team into euphoria. Way too tired after the felicitations, nearly the entire team sat and drank on the court, but our All-American still wanted to get a decent run at the scrimmage. And yet, it’s his kind of the running that becomes a threat for other teams; he’ll run with the same speed with or without the ball, and opponents know he can produce lethal results with it.

So with the injury report and the season record thrown out the window now that October is fully here, the ‘Biters have a tough agenda on Sunday facing the Hookers. But the ‘Biters extra game and result could be catalyst that launches the squad to another victory.

Honorable mentions: 

The Demon who scored the OT winner with 11 seconds left.  Didn’t catch your name, but that breakout and shot saved your goalie (and team) from utter humiliation during a shootout.

Greg A. from Mexico (formerly Cobra Kai?) for jumping in net with the league gear to play goalie during the scrimmage when one of the goalies backed out at the last minute.  Without him, we would have had to settle for downed net.