by Ophelia Baulls

THIRD STAR
Gut Rot “We come last, or not at all”

Trying to describe Gut Rot is sometimes like trying to describe that guy you want to set your friend up with, who maybe isn’t a total smokeshow but is SO awesome it’s tough to describe exactly WHY. Here’s why this week:

1. They lost their goalie in the last month of the season and kept those cute smiles on their faces and welcomed Worky into the net

2. Perko dropped his stick onto the subway tracks and this is what happened

3. Liza Watts because of this real-life chat over our company IM

darko: what was the score?
ldubs: uh…we lost?
ldubs: pretty sure we scored one goal
ldubs: and they scored more than one goal
darko: that sounds right

SECOND STAR
Erich from Gremlins “When I move, you move. Just like that.”

The word on the street is that Erich was like the vinegar in your 6th grade volcano-science-project, making shit ERUPT (but less foamy?) every time he stepped onto the court. The Gremlins and Riots battled hard but Erich was leading a Macy’s day parade into the Riots defensive zone whenever he tapped in. Homeboy sunk two in the net, for a 4-1 victory over the Riots.

FIRST STAR
Tia from Dark Rainbows “Location, location, location”

Tia played in position like a bauss and nailed in two goals, securing a hearty victory for the Rainbows. Reportedly “well-stretched and highly caffeinated,” T-$ was in primetime goal scoring position and also breaking up Gut Rot’s offensive flow. Not only did she score twice, but she was picking up Rot passes like Perko picks up a stick: unexpected and slightly alarming.

Honorable mentions:

Liam of Cobra Kai for ensuring his team moved on to the next round by pumping two past the Hookers net minder.  Of all the teams that won this past Sunday the evil dojo looked the most dangerous.

Walkie-Talkie and Mia for keeping the courts open late so us hockey junkies could hang out and scrimmage.  Thanks for breaking it all down too.