by Arya Stark
Folks, if you can believe it, another BTSH season that feels like it just started is now in the books. It’s actually maybe not that difficult to believe it seeing as we just gave out the championship and held an end of season party…but yea another long offseason is set to begin, and depending on who you are you may know it as poaching season, cuffing season, winter or the rare three months when I can actually reliably make it in to work on Mondays. It looks like there’s one last three stars of the weekend to get through and since no one else volunteered to do, it also looks like that I’m doing them. As always, your complaints will for sure fall on deaf ears.
Julie from Mega Touch
When Cheeky and Brady announced they were departing from Mega it seemed like the 2018 season was going to be a tough one for the 2016 Southeast Division champs. Instead, buoyed by the acquisition of Rookie of the Year finalist Shelly, they came within one game of winning the division and moving up to D3, finishing just two points behind What The Puck. They may have lost a tighter than you might think round of 16 match to eventual final four contender Filthier, but Mega regrouped and took down the inaugural Schlitz Cup on Sunday with a victory over the Rainbows. After the show at the end of season party, she was inducted into the BTSH Hall of Fame by the most important man in her life, Rich Glnzr. Truly a night to remember for Julie who, reached for comment, just wants the other captains to “stay the hell away from Shelly.”
These four deserve the bulk of the credit for the success of Sunday’s show. Sam and Probie organized the end of season party, Isaac coordinated the awards and media portion, and Sam and Diana hosted. Fans of Cheers may wax poetic about the love between Malone and Chambers, but there’s a Sam & Diana for the 21st century and they were holding the mics on Sunday. They may not be romantically involved in that will-they-or-won’t-they way that Cheers pioneered and everyone copied, but Sam did repeatedly offer to step in if something happened to Creamy, a strange notion that will make me super suspicious if a piano falls on Creamy’s head in the next week. The show moved at a brisk pace, just about everyone got drunk and despite a La La Land moment or two (hey, nobody is perfect), the hosting was top notch.
Jeff, Alyssa, Coach and the rest of Fuzz
As I said on stage Sunday: you may not like them, but they were the best team this year. Their only regular season losses were to the Fresh Kills and Rehabs in regulation and Poutine in a shootout. They put up 16 more goals than the next highest scoring team and rostered the #1, #5 and #7 goal scorers in the league (and that’s not even counting Glanzer’s 71 disallowed goals)., and when the chips were down they tightened up and played solid D. Everyone on the team deserves to share the star but I’m going to quickly mention three of them for various reasons. First Jeff for captaining the team and leading them to victory by scoring two goals in the championship and generally playing like a man possessed. Next to Alyssa who was probably the Finals MVP in scoring the first goal of the ship and stopping multiple Cobra Kai goals herself. And finally to Coach who only let in one goal in two games on Sunday that ended up counting (crease rule controversy!) and now gets to ride off into the sunset with his first PRB Cup. Congrats Fuzz, and welcome to the top division. Hopefully your tenure will be a little longer than your last trip up.
Brett from Dark Rainbows: This show always runs long and people are constantly annoyed about it. This year the only complaints came for a late pizza delivery and one of the main reasons was Brett throwing down an impressive amount of quality BTSH-themed material, especially the one about how people who poach endlessly in this league are like girls who go on Tinder looking to find a long term relationship: you’re doing it wrong, and you’re ruining it for the rest of us. Brett is looking into organizing a BTSH comedy event featuring stand-ups from your fellow leaguemates so watch for more info on that in the coming weeks.
Gabe: If this video didn’t whet your appetite for the BTSH Championship you probably either hate hockey or have recently lost to Gabe’s team and thus been forced to pay his bar tab. Either way, props to the aspiring keeper of the cup.
Campbell: Shut out Filthier in the semis and played tough against Fuzz, making several big saves. Also came to end of season party despite having midterms the following morning.
Tom from Cobra Kai: During the championship game there was a brief stoppage and someone (can’t quite remember if it was a Fuzz player or a random sideline heckler) accused him of cheating. Stone Cold Tom Austin looks them dead in the eye and just goes “there’s no such thing as cheating – it’s just hockey.” While I am fully cognizant of the fact that this league is not the target audience for such a quip, it is nonetheless a great quote. He’s pretty good at hockey too.
Soko: Captain of the defending champions, has a family and lives in the suburbs and came all the way out to watch the PBR championship game despite his team being eliminated, then was inducted into the Hall of Fame. Fresh Kills are the only franchise with four championships (LBS and Rehabs have three each) and it’s unlikely they would have reached those heights without him.
Everyone who came out: Finally, thank you to everyone who came out to the party, even if your team was eliminated weeks ago or if you were dead tired from playing earlier in the day. This event couldn’t have worked without the turnout and the enthusiasm we saw on Sunday and it’s nights like those when we should all feel honored to be involved in such a unique, sometimes infuriating but always exciting community.
Congrats to all our award winners, elite athletes and everyone in between. See ya next season.