By The Meatbox
Man, week 1 was soooo lame. I thought ya’ll had forgotten that half the fun of BTSH is the drama, but thank God you proved me wrong. I should have just realized that this league’s drama is like a plant. Last week we gave it some water, this week we gave it some sunlight and HOLY CRAP IT GREW. Well, that or whenever Russ Ham shows up he brings the drama with him #theprovider.
Without further adieu here are your 3 spoiled meats of the week.
Third Spoiled Meat
Ringers who can’t keep their sticks down
I get it. BTSH is kinda hockey, but not quite hockey. We’re like some weird bastard child of alcoholism, soccer, hockey, and not being a dick. For people new to it who come in ready to play hockey, not being allowed to stick check is weird. All the whistles are weird. BUT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD KEEP YOUR STICK DOWN IM TIRED OF ALL THESE WHISTLES. Winning is awesome, but you know what’s not awesome? Showing up to work on Monday with a giant gash in your face because a ringer wasn’t able to keep their stick on the blacktop. Keep ‘em down folks.
Second Spoiled Meat
1969 World Series Champion New York Met and New York Times Bestselling Author.
First Spoiled Meat(s)
Mount Pou-suvius Erupting
“You know we were due for one of these. It’s been a solid year since the last poutine eruption” –overheard on the sideline while not 1, but 2 different poo nation members decided ref abuse was back like JNCO jeans.
This feels like that State Farm commercial with the old guy pulling dollar bills away from people. “Oh you almost had it, you were almost a team that people didn’t associate with being dicks.” But alas, not only did you go full court press on breaking rule #1, you did it while telling people on the other team that you were going to “rip their throat out” and telling a ref she had a “shit mouth.” Besides the fact that ref abuse is super uncool and uncalled for, who the hell taught you how to chirp? These chirps are more beta than Dr. Beta, Ramy O, and that’s saying something. It seems like a handful of you might be better off attending some anger management classes on Sunday afternoons rather than making asses out of yourselves in A BALL HOCKEY LEAGUE WHERE YOU CHASE AN ORANGE BALL AROUND A PARK LIKE A DOG WITH A HOCKEY STICK AND TRY TO SCORE GOALS AND THEN DRINK SOME PBR. Get it together poo crew, it’s only week 2.