Last year, due to some website reorganization, season previews were scuttled.  However, we were able to get our hands on one of the few 2013 season previews that had been submitted prior to Sven’s executive decision to eighty-six individual team season previews.  So without further ado, for your Filler Friday enjoyment, here’s the outlook for the 2013 Happy Little Elves…

2012 could have been a great season for the Happy Little Elves. On the morning of July 30, the Elves woke up on the precipice of main-event status, having maintained possession of the once prestigious (yet imaginary) Fairy Tale Cup with a 6-1 thumping of the Dark Rainbows the previous day. Their record stood at an impressive 8-3-0-2, good for a three-way tie for the #5 playoff seed.

However, the BTSH Universe was clearly not responding to the Elves’ success, and with the Fairy Tale Cup having lost so much of its luster, league administrators Adriano “Muscles Marinara” Bratta and Tim “Virgil” Brown made a quick edit to the script and turned the Elves into a jobber. The Elves embarked on a winless streak not seen since the days of Montel Vontavious Porter, going winless in their final five regular season games and dropping to the #11 seed. Their jobber status continued in the playoffs, where the Elves were dispatched by the Butchers in the round of 16.

Furious that his team had been relegated to the role of a jobber, co-captain Rich Glanzer decided that changes would be necessary during the off-season to improve his team’s image and appeal.

First, he let Jerome “Hornswoggle” Ramos’ contract expire, recognizing that the Elves would never attain main-event status with him and his sideshow antics (tenure as Mathematics anonymous general manager, elaborate goal celebrations) on the roster. The team released a statement after this decision, stating “The Happy Little Elves wish Jerome the best in all of his future endeavors.” So good luck, Poutine Machine…if you want to know what your season will be like, just watch the minute of any recent Great Khali match. Then, Rich deftly identified players who could elevate the Elves’ stature and generate heat with the BTSH Universe, such as Gil’s son, Trevor “T-Beau” Beauclair, and Luisa Mirarchi. Rich noted that Gil’s son is a second-generation star in the making and could become as popular as Cody Rhodes or Alberto Del Rio if given the right push and storyline. After a couple of down seasons, Beauclair’s image has been toughened up by Rich. Beauclair is showing a little more facial hair and a new take-no-prisoners attitude, and has already declared the “Beauclair Barrage” open for business.

As for Luisa, Rich put the Elves promotional machine into work, running weekly promos to build anticipation for Luisa’s 2013 campaign. Unfortunately, Luisa has thus far been reluctant to play, insisting that she will only do so when Rich pronounces her name correctly. She notes, “Richie, no…no…it’s Luuuuuuuuu-eeeeeeeeee-saaaaaaaah! You need to breathe through the A. Don’t focus too much on the S.”

Whether these changes will resonate positively with the BTSH Universe is as of yet unknown. However, if the Elves also debut some new shirts this season, then you know they will be on the way becoming a main-eventer, because nothing screams success in this business more than new merch.