Currently viewing the tag: "Three Stars"

by Richiepoothang

The Rose Charity will get their own writeup, but if we were doing three stars for that, Rachel would get the third for all her hard work putting it together. Rachel would also get the 2nd for answering my 20 texts, 5 gchats, and 2 emails. But the first star would go to the MVP of the tournament and that of course is my nephew/Godson Adam, who never played hockey before and got an assist on one of his first shift. It is odd he won the MVP despite going 1-2 but that’s the way the voters voted.

Now onto the three stars of Week 4! [Continue Reading…]

Third Star
Opening Day Crew and New Commishes

Arriving to the courts as the Opening Team means that you could be in store for just about anything.  Special shout-out to the Denim Demons who cleaned up debris, shoveled snow with their sticks and had the brilliant idea to fill the fence holes with it. Those who played on the East Court definitely appreciated it (Karma did).

Man, that’s almost enough blow to get us through June.

New nets and cages!  Woo-hoo!  A huge round of applause to Sarah and the Brain, our new Commishes, and Shotgun Charlotte, local goofball, for procuring new nets and cages for the league.  We’ve been asking for them for years and you actually listened.  Thank you.

That being said, none of it would have been possible without the sweet hookup by the second best Stewart in all of BTSH. We owe you a beer.

[Continue Reading…]

Cory, Alex and Instant Karma
by Chadwick

Well, by Chadwick or the artist formally known as ¯\_(?)_/¯ as he was supposed to have written this piece, but much like his approach to captaining, he holds the title while someone else does all the work.

Best of luck out west, Alex!

It has been a rough two months for Karma; dropping 3 or 7 in a row by only a goal or 3 and losing the lead in the second half a couple of times to boot, there wasn’t much going for us.   This past Sunday when it appeared that there was about to be more of the same bad luck, Cory said: ‘f*ck that, we’re getting it done this week.’  He proceeded to score the game tying goal early in the second half and also the shootout winner finally breaking Karma’s shit streak.  It was bittersweet as Alex, who was playing his last game for Karma before packing up talents (and maybe his family too) and heading out west, blanked the opponent in the shootout and was rushed by his teammates while (finally) savoring that sweet taste of victory.


80 Beers At The Courts
by Arya Stark

Losing in a shootout is never fun but some things are more important than wins and losses (particularly since every team makes the playoffs anyway).  So it was with a heavy heart and an apprehensive liver that the LBS decided to wash away the sting of that game by going to the supermarket (because thriftiness is important) and coming back with over 80 beers and assorted sparkling wines to celebrate Roberts’ birthday with the league.  He was last seen at Percy’s about eight hours later, eyes rolling back in his head like a mix between The Undertaker and a relapsing heroin addict, ripping whiskey shots and debating the likelihood of group sex going down in Ocean City, a conversation he probably didn’t remember until reading this star just now.  Happy Birthday Roberts; next year, we’re getting a keg. 

Return of the Heckle Wall(s)
by Isaac

With the ladies of Gut Rot and Friends in peak and surly form, they made their way over to the westside dugout to provide obscene commentary and imaginative catcalls during the FK/Filthy game.  I wonder where they learned how to attempt to inflate the players and refs egos while at the same time making them feel a little self-conscious?  Much to the crowds disappointment, Tom R. kept his shirt on during the  shootout attempt.  (Perhaps next time y’all)


Later in the day, led by Ambrose Burnside (see below) with other members of the Biters and random Touches, the sideline Heckle Bench freely spoke their minds during the SF/Butchers game.  Encouraging refs to make calls that weren’t there, asking the players if they thought that is what passes as hockey, and pleading for ideas on how to stop hiccuping.  

James, Tim and Filthier
by Isaac

The game this past Sunday against a division rival was an instant classic.  James and Co. set the tone early by clogging the neutral zone, back checking and crashing the net that resulted in early dividends with a goal by Kate.  Never falling behind throughout the contest or faltering when the equalizer was given up,  Filthier frustrated their opponent with a full court press. 

Not very gentlemanly. (video credit: Eric R.)

In overtime and in the shootout, Tim was stoic in net, stopping every shot he faced and daring Ariel to use his signature move.  Going into the fifth round of the shootout it was James who finally put it in net while gracefully toppling over the goalie.  Ass over end, is how you get the job done my friends. 

Honorable mention:
by Cheeky

An honorable mention goes to Matthew “Ambrose Burnside” Workman for his luscious, although mildly pedophilic, sideburns and mustache he was sporting on the courts this past Sunday. He took throwback to a whole new level (although is it really a throwback if he was alive when that look was popular?). 

Worky Burnside

Third Star
Shutouts by Steven from the FA List and Scott from What The Puck
by Isaac

Earning a shutout for your team is about as close as it comes for a goalie winding up on the score sheet.  Steven and Scott both posted a goose egg for their opponents that ensured their team victory and two points in the tight Michaliga division race.  Not to take anything away from these goalies’ performances, but the defenders in front of them deserve some of this credit too.  (Except Becca.  Definitely not her.)

Second Star
Christina L (aka BONECRUSHER) from Poutine Machine
by Hornswoggle

Finally rewarded for always being in scoring position.

BTSH’s league sweetheart tallied her first-ever goal against a very confused Hookers netminder Longwell, who although won the war with his Grimace™-colored sidemen, lost one of the smaller battles by absent-mindedly allowing a simple deflection from an inbound pass. Blame the rest of the Hookers, too, on that line for thinking Christina was a weak link… she wasn’t. The rest of us Poutiners were.

From Thursday scrimmages to being part of Drunk Poutine last year at Ocean City last year (and this year), Christina has shown the utmost dedication and tenacity on the court, while being super approachable off it. To prove that tenacity exists in her, she still is pressing our teammate Nic over an outstanding bet to run around one New York City block in nothing but tidy-whiteys, after he contended that she couldn’t consume an entire order of wings by herself. She consumed that and more… a total of eighteen (18!) wings within a two-hour span.

First Star
Will G from Cobra Kai
by Isaac

Scoring three goals in one game is a feat that only a dozen or so BTSHers have accomplished this season.  Scoring three goals in one shift for a natural hat trick is nearly unheard of.  Well, that is until Will did just that on Sunday against his opponent.  When asked for a quote afterwards while lounging on the sidelines and basking in the admiration of his teammates he nonchalantly responded with, ‘yeah, it happened…’

Honorable mention:

John from Math scored a hat trick against one of the best teams in the league.  If don’t already know the story of how he joined the team, ask him.  (Hint, it involves a Norris.)

by Rachel K

WHAT A SHOWING AT THE BTSH OLYMPICS GUYS! Really proud of everyone who came out and left it all on the catwalk. We know you passed on watching the Rick & Morty premiere to be there, which is the ultimate sacrifice. Don’t worry guys, the Olympics recap is coming soon…

Third Star
Phil (& Amy) D from Anklebiters

Thank You

As I said, there is a separate BTSH Olympics article coming so I’m trying to keep 3 stars about hockey, but I needed to separately recognize Phil & Amy for all of their work putting together the Olympics. There were of course a number of other people involved who should and will be recognized, but Phil stepped up for the 2nd year in a row to bring this awesome event back. There is a lot that happens behind the scenes to set up the events, keep the Olympics moving along, and get everyone sufficiently lit, and Phil did a great job herding cats on Sunday. I would also note that Phil & Amy made 200 Jell-O shots. Two hundred. Jell-O shots. And they were gone well before the last games finished (you savages). I wish somebody had told me that Dr. Peacock’s medical license was revoked and thus his doctor’s note wouldn’t actually let me call in sick the next day, but some things you just have to learn the hard way.

Second Star
Akhil M from Gut Rot

It’s always nice to see a league veteran get his first hat trick, and that’s exactly what Akhil did on Sunday. When it happened, Morgen was all like:


#AKHILNATION (Morgen has kindly asked that we use the hashtag, as “we are trying to get it trending in the TSP vicinity”). I guess I can’t write this without saying….NO, fight it….GUT ROT BITCHEZ!!

First Star
Karsten from LBS, Inc.

Hockey Hero

I know a lot of wild moments and alcoholic savagery happened at the Beer Olympics, but forget about that for a second. This past Sunday, I witnessed the most inspirational/amazing/exciting/triumphant hockey moment of my entire life, and because of that the first star goes to Karsten. We throw the word hero around here a lot, but he really was a hockey hero this weekend. For those that don’t know, Karsten’s mother passed away on Friday after battling a long illness. A mere two days later, Karsten still made it a point to show up for the team. He could only make the last 15-20 minutes of the game, and what did he do? HAT TRICK. 3 shifts, 3 goals. His last goal was a buzzer beater on a breakaway from a stretch pass with the final seconds of the game ticking down, waiting for the goalie to drop before burying it. The entire LBS bench cleared. It was a beautiful BTSH moment. This is what we play for, guys. Long live BTSH. And LBS!

Honorable mention:

Everyone at BTSH Olympics – There were so many gutsy performances… your personal call-outs will come, just you wait..

Pete G from Cobra Kai – For assisting the game-tying goal w/ 13 seconds left to send Gremlins/Kai into overtime before scoring the game winner almost immediately in OT so that everyone could get to the Olympics.

Alex F from LBS, Inc. – For lugging a hockey goalie bag full of booze and juice to the court to make us all delicious Roofie Coladas.