Currently viewing the tag: "previews"

by Anonymous Lovely Lady 

2017 ROTY Nominee Marcella v Captain Tia
Gremlins at Dark Rainbows

BTSH experienced a true Oscar moment last awards season with a snafu rivaling La La Land being announced for best picture. Full story coming soon.

Both ladies bring true dedication and spirit to the games. These ladies constantly find ways to involve themselves with their team, community and sport. This game will be a battle.

Prediction: If the Rainbows win, does this count as the first win of the season given that they still haven’t completed last week’s game? 3-2 Rainbows. However, superstitious Tia would like the statement adjusted to 3-2 Gremlins. [Continue Reading…]

by Anonymous Lovely Lady 

Who run the world?
Who run this motha?

Who run the world? GIRLS!!!

Chief Design Officer Amy v Board Woman Georgine
Gouging Anklebiters at Butchers 

We haven’t seen much of Amy yet this season, but we know her heart and creative mind is with the ‘biters every week. Amy always creates fabulous costume designs for the ‘biters new recruits, which we sadly missed seeing due the opening party being hosted on Saturday. There’s always next year!

Georgine is a constant surprise as she is always willing to take on roles within BTSH to make it a better place. Her chill attitude and ‘Who Cares?’ motto should be adopted by more teams.

Prediction: The Butchers can’t catch a break, 6-2 Anklebiters, but these teams will be seen sharing beers after.  [Continue Reading…]

Rehabs at Fresh Kills
Narrative: Rematch of last year’s explosive PBR Cup Final.
Prediction: Rehabs unveil their new weapon (Hicks) and hand FK their first regulation loss since September 18, 2016, 4-3.

Awwww, come back to us Gabe and Ariel. We were only kidding.

Denim Demons at Cobra Kai
Narrative: Welcoming the Demons to the Katz Division are the wily Cobra Kai.  Brad is one of the league’s best two-way defenseman, but Liam lead that trend back in 2016.
Prediction: A nail biter that goes into OT with Zach 2.0 (Demons’ shiny new toy) showing his worth by getting his team the W, 3-2. [Continue Reading…]

Cobra Kai (final game: Corlears Hookers) at Filthier (final game: Fuzz)
by Arya Stark

Two of the league’s top teams face off in Sunday’s kickoff matchup when #2 seeded Cobra Kai takes on the #4 seeded 2015 champion Filthier.  Filthier is coming off an impressive and somewhat controversial shootout win over Fresh Kills that gave the blue machine their first blemish of the season.  Filthy sits at #3 in the league in goals for and needs this game to keep pace for a top four seed which would mathematically guarantee a first round matchup against a play-in team and the ability to avoid a Fresh Kills revenge game until the final four.  Meanwhile, Cobra Kai haven’t suffered a loss since a June 4 defeat to those very same Fresh Kills, reeling off an impressive seven straight in the interim.  They have perhaps the toughest remaining schedule of all teams with this matchup followed by a season ender against the Hookers that will likely determine the division winner.  If they win both, they’ll clinch second place as they hold the tiebreaker against the Rehabs and guarantee themselves a promotion to the CMB division next season.  The key to this game (besides Will Green scoring hat tricks and having sex on the sidelines) will be the matchup in net where Campbell will have to be at his best to shut down Filthy’s firepower and Tim will need to match him every step of the way.

Prediction: Cobra Kai keeps the momentum going with a hard fought 4-3 win.

Mega Touch (L/L/W/L/L; final game: Gremlins) at LBS., Inc. (W/W/W/W/L; final game: Rehabs)
Tompkins West, 1530
by Jerome

Mega Touch 2017

Our jort-wearing crew succinctly doesn’t stand a chance, and the los blancos find it imperative to get out of the bottom 40% of the league standings (for those of you not good at fractions: 20 teams in total, bottom 40%: bottom 8 teams. Got it? Good.). Karsten might not show because he’ll be busy jetsetting, but you know who will be there? Of course, the man who must not be named, and perhaps in a certain light, he would look like Voldemort, but evil wizard or not, his hockey sorcery might net him a brace, after Brady has worked the hardest to parry him.

Prediction: Los blancos by two.

Poutine Machine (final game: What The Puck) at Mathematics (final game: Denim Demons)
by Isaac

With the Michaliga division all wrapped up Hornswoggle and Co. don’t have a whole lot to play for down the stretch of the season.  Sure Mike can attempt to work on padding his stats, Christina might notch a second career goal, but from what I’m hearing they’re focused on Drunk Machine at Hockey Beach.

Poutine Machine 2017

Math on the other hand have a shot at finishing atop the CMB division.  With only 1 point behind the Butchers, and two points out of the lead, they could going out on two dates with Liz and Klion next season. The real question though is do they want to?  (Play in the Soko division that is. I mean, come on, who wouldn’t two shots at those gals?)

Prediction: Machine comes out swinging (geez, we hope not literally) and shocks Math by taking an early two goal lead, but the heroics of Michele and Hippy in the second will secure the W by one.

Dark Rainbows (L/L/L/L/L; final game: Mathematics) at Butchers (W/L/W/L/L; final game: Fresh Kills)
Tompkins West, 1645
by Jerome

This might be a real snoozer, but you might be in for a surprise if you stick for this one. It should be made apparent now more than ever that our bloody meat cleavers—particularly the captain, Rachel—don’t want to get promoted to the premier Soko Division. What an opportunity to hand over a win to the winless men and women in flamingo pink: the team that has done its best week after week, failed, and still manages to hold a smile despite the record. If all goes well, Rachel shall allow Mike T. from Sky Fighters, Zac from What the Puck, and Maire from Gremlins to play this game.

Prediction: Rachel’s really gonna throw in the towel. Rainbows by 1, so it doesn’t look suspect.

Fresh Kills (W/W/W/W/SO; final game: Butchers) at Corlears Hookers (W/W/W/W/W; final game: Cobra Kai)

Hockey Night in Tompkins [National Telecast], Tompkins East, 1800

by Jerome

Corlears Hookers 2017

Either this will be a barnburner, or a complete stalemate in regulation. Unfair to masses is how Filthier had to take a point away from Barch last week, because it would’ve been nice to be part of an undefeated team in the history books. Question is, though: with a point to secure the league and one game remaining, is it worth it to play a full squad? The [Cr]ookers certainly need the points to approach the division title, and they’ll definitely try hard to do it… they might even overdo it if Fresh Kills are short and simply hand them a mercy rule. But if Fresh Kills wants to play, they’ll play.

Prediction: A full Kills squad will give Longwell a hard time, and the Hookers’ chirpers won’t be able to sufficiently counter Ariel and Gabe. Fresh Kills by two.

Gouging Anklebiters (L/L/W/L/W; final game: Sky Fighters) at Gut Rot (W/L/W/W/L; final game: Instant Karma)

Hockey Night in Tompkins [Regional Telecast], Tompkins West, 1800

by Jerome

The final matchup of the day is the kind where, after you’ve watched the game and TV stations are trying to fill in the time slots, they put the ShamWow™ dude on. Sure, the first few minutes might show energy, but the entire infomercial is shit. Just plain shit. Sidenote: the renditions/parodies on YouTube are hilarious. Back on track—Chadtrick’s troops have more of a motivation to prevent being relegated than Gut Rot sabotaging Poutine’s or What the Puck’s plans of dominating the division. And with Barcelona losing the Supercopa de Espana this week and signing the “worst player of Tottenham”, Isaac might use the stored anger constructively: towards his matchup.

That’s not to say that kids like Akhil and Gilligan won’t score—in fact, they will—but I reckon it won’t be enough to match what Probie and Alex can put up, especially when the former is due to score again.

Prediction: Anklebiters will sail its ship in turbulent waters, but come out with the two points they’ve been searching for. But Gut Rot will have one more chance to ruin Poutine or What the Puck (most likely the latter if Poutine wins the matchup… with What the Puck).

Cobra Kai (final game: Corlears Hookers) at Filthier (final game: Fuzz)
by Arya Stark

Arya is putting on her best Chadflake impression so I’m left to write this one on the fly.  Perhaps she didn’t survive the latest leaked episode.

Sorry CK, you might as well take the day off and enjoy the weather at the beach or museum.  (See yesterday’s piece on What Teams Need.)

Filthier 2017

In the event that CK doesn’t take my advice then you better show up Filthier, because the evil dojo is a bit irked by that article.  Best of luck!

Prediction: both teams perform admirably, but Filthy wins in regulation.

Instant Karma (final game: Gut Rot) at Fuzz (final game: Filthier)
by JW

I can’t think of anything funny today, so unfortunately I think I’m going to have to make this an actual preview. Hmm, Fuzz + Karma = Farma….. = Big Pharma? Maybe there is something there, that I can work with? Nah, I give up. Actual hockey preview…….here we go.

Karma has struggled this season, however they have been improving in recent weeks, and they notched 2 points last week. While Chadwick was traveling through eastern Europe recruiting new hockey talent and playing the kazoo at open mic nights, Isaac was actually recruiting new hockey talent, right here at home. With Alex’s departure to the wrong coast, Karma is also on the hunt for a new goalie. Right before playoff time. I cannot think of a worse place to be. Well, other than at a Dave Matthews concert. However, they are trying out a new guy this week, so things may be looking up for our turquoise……what rhymes with turquoise? Hmm, I’ll work on that one and get back to you. Also, I won’t predict Nicole to score this week, because it hasn’t been working for me.

Fuzz has been exactly at .500 all season long, and they still are. They have had some attendance issues, which have hurt them. They have also had some issues getting the box scores done this week, but that’s a whole other story. Since they’re always at .500, predicting what is going to happen to them in a given game is very difficult. But I know exactly what is going to happen to them in this game: Alexa ends up with a ref cancelling at the last minute, has to ref her own game, and doesn’t get to play in it. Jeff is still at home doing the box scores from last week, so he doesn’t get to play in the game. Rich gets stuck on the LIE and doesn’t make the game. Gil is in Rich’s car and doesn’t make the game. Alyssa gets stuck in a snowstorm up in her native Buffalo, her flight is cancelled, and she misses the game.

Normally the obvious favorite in this matchup would be Fuzz, but given the Murphy’s Law situation that they’re going to go through on Sunday, this one will be closer than you think, as it goes to OT.

– Someone with the last name Vernoia scores. I won’t say which one. (Maybe both?)
– Nicole does not score. (I’m trying to employ a reverse jinx here, let’s see if it works.)
– Karma’s free agent goalie plays well.
– Alexa finds a sub ref at halftime, and is able to play the 2nd half.
– Glanzer is somehow -2, even though he didn’t make the game. (That one was for you, Hicks. Sorry to hear about the injury, bud.)

Prediction: Fuzz has at times gotten a bad rap, but they aren’t evil. Big Pharma is evil. However, like Big Pharma……they win.

Walsh continues his hot streak and gets the OT winner. Fuzz 4-3, in OT.

What The Puck (final game: Poutine Machine) at Denim Demons (final game: Mathematics)
by Isaac

It’s hard to imagine the Demons finishing the season with single digit points.  Yeah, sure we know there’s still an amber alert out Sefi, but still, there’s too much talent to count them out (even when fasting).  The moxie that the Rosen bros bring each week is sure to be the key for the Demons in this one.

Denim Demons 2017

Speaking of players with dauntlessness and determination, the Pucks are full of them!  Zac’s been averaging a goal + a game, Sam tasted the Box Scores a couple weeks ago, and there isn’t a challenge that Susie would back down from.  They may be in Justin’s division, but they play Julie’s.

Prediction: a close contest throughout this match, but it will the veteran savvy of the Demons that prevails by 4-3.

Gremlins (final game: Mega Touch) at Rehabs (final game: LBS, Inc.)
by Sultan

I hate both of these teams.

The Gremlins ruined the hopes and dreams of many Survivor people including myself, because we almost all picked them over Karma. I mean who thought Karma could win that game? They were without Walker, Walsh and the myriad of players from other teams that typically play for Karma, who hate the free agent list as much as Trump hates people who dislike Nazis.

Meanwhile the Rehabs beat Fuzz 6-2 last week…even though I’m fairly certain none of their goals went into the net, and Sena paid off the refs.  But alas, a Sultan must forgive his loyal subjects.

Prediction: this game comes down to one thing. How good will Jamie play? If Jamie can be on his A-game, and the Gremmies sans Erich (bc he’s not playing) can dump the ball, create some offense, cover the Rehabs well…they too can lose only 6-2. But if Jamie only plays well, the Gremmies lose their man in space, then it can be a lot worse. I’m feeling generous today, I’ll go with the Rehabs 5-0. 5-1 if Eric plays net. Team $h0wT!m3!!

Sky Fighters (final game: Gouging Anklebiters) at Tompkins Square Riots (final game: Dark Rainbows)
by Gorgeous Greene

The Skyfighters still have the Soko Division in their sights, if they win the next two games, and Math and Butchers lose(and/or throw their games) Smiles and his brother are moving on up. Have fun with that, guys. What does this mean to the Riots? Absolutely nothing. Dave GDR still doesn’t want to let Olivier or his sidekick Jake score a goal. Laura will tenaciously chase down every ball. Joe will do that thing where he is fast and scores goals. Suz definitely smiles more, but she it doesn’t mean she wants to win any less.

Tompkins Square Riots 2017

All that being said, the Skyfighters have some serious firepower.

Prediction: 4-3 Sky Fighters.  Enjoy Soko.