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A total of 12 games this week! And not one nice thing to say about them. On to the box scores…

Sky Fighters 3 @ Riots 0

Sky – Matt (2), Jake K (1), Dana (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – OG James

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR

Game Notes: Sky Fighters make light work of a deep Riots bench to win their week 1 matchup makeup game.

Dark Bows 1 @ Sky Fighters 4

‘Bows – Bryan L (6)

Goalie Loss – David “any more goalie comments before logging off?” Grzzwld (2-6)

Sky – Cory G x2 (2), David C (1), Mo (1)

Goalie Win – OG James (3-2, GAA 1.57, 1 shutout)

Game Notes: Stein comes back and picks up 4 big points for Sky.

“You should have poke checked”

Karma 7 @ Riots 5

IK – Matttrick Babe-l x3 (4), Derek Zed x2 (9), Alex “the A stands for an Anvil of an A$$ a la Rob Blake” x2 via Touching them Mega

Goalie Win – Corey K via FA

Riots – Katie S (2), Hy L x2 (2), Jake T (1), Vanck (2)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-6)

Game Notes: On the strength of league subs (*psychotic screaming*), Karma keeps pace with divisional rivals on this day with another win.

Pounds 4 @ Math 1

Sterlings – Pete Rose x2 (6), Roberts (3), Davis via FA

Goalie Win – Jeff Green via fake zog goalie gear dumpster(fire)

Mathletes – Jon M (6)

Goalie Loss – Peter Parker B via FA

Game Notes – Roberts played like the game was against WTP, and pounds keep winning on the strength of (goalie) subs…why does this sound ironic/familiar I wonder….

Butchers 1 @ Fresh Kills 2

Butchers – Mike M (3)

Goalie Loss – Corey K via FA

Dutch Kills – Ariel (3), Nate (7)

Goalie Win – Barch Pile (3-3, GAA 1.64)

Mega Touch 1 @ WTP 3

Mega – Joe L (2)

Goalie Loss – Eric D (0-2, GAA 3.00)

WTP – Dude x2 (3), Sam McI (6)

Goalie Win – Ed P (3-5, GAA a publishable 2.44)

Game Notes: Division 3 is now officially the Michaliga division. The fourth division won’t be renamed, however. Sorry Jules. Focus your energy on OC. I need a new jacket to wear, anyways.

Fuzz 3 @ GANK 5

Fuzz – TeetsMcGee x3 (5)

Goalie Loss – Tim Brown (3-5, GAA 2.47)

GANK – Wurky McParty (1), Jimmy Kinnel (1), Sarah M (4), Joe P (2), Bob Probert (8),

Goalie Win – Craig LaC (7-1, GAA 1.46)

Game Notes: Fuzz does a lot better when they are in D2. Serving a great opportunity to be poached for 2020…FK please do your part here…

Do something….you dumb bird. (It’s like trying to flock pigeons on an NYC sidewalk!)

CK 2 @ Habs 1 F/SO

Evil Dojo – Oliver William Yetter (1)

Goalie Shootout Win – Campbell’s hangover soup (3-0, GAA 0.32, 2 shutouts)

Shootout Winner – Eff Gil Ween (Oliver with the clincher)

Rehabs – Hicksy (6)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Jeff G via fake zog free transfer window

Game Notes: Cobra Kai gets the extra “Let’s delay the day as long as possible” (I mean shootout) point by getting 2/3 in, in the skills comp. Cherie is still wondering who keeps tipping off the goalies when the referee at centre is giving her advice for her shootout attempts…

When you win (moffo on Saturday and) your game on Sunday but realize you have to get back to Boston for work on Monday.

Hookers 0 @ Filthier 1

Goalie Loss – Dustin O (6-1, GAA 1.11)

Filthier – OP James (7)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim K (7-2, GAA 1.43)

Grems 2 @ DenDems 3 F/SO

Gremlins – Carcella Molson (2), Erich the G stands for Goal Scorer (9)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Jamie

Demons – Sniping Gino’s (4), Rubens (1)

Shootout Winner – Gino’s Pizza (Bar down Brad with the clincher)

Goalie Shootout Win – Zach L (4-3, GAA 1.78)

Game Notes: Demons finally experience mean reversion and pick up an extra shootout point.

Gut Rot 0 @ Pouts 7 (ouch)

Poutine – James McQ (2), Christian H x2 (3), Charlotte McA (1), Matt fRatt (1), Mike Marr (4), Ryan (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – RJ Dickey

Goalie Loss – Mark C (Not Sam, Eitan, or Ed) (0-1)

Game Notes: Charlotte picked the right game to jump in and score her first goal in her BTSH career…against a rookie goalie and a hapless Rut Rotters….the road to -70 looks bright!

Grems 1 @ Pouts 0

Gremlins – Courtney (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jamie (6-3, GAA 1.40, 3 shutouts)

Goalie Loss – RJ Dickey (3-4, GAA 1.25, 2 shutouts)

Game Notes: In the late makeup game, Jamie shines, quickly avenging the shootout from the earlier game to give the Gremlins a much needed win in this “4 point game”, dead locking the Michaliga division teams (see above) in a pile up for the first seed in the division. Well everyone not named Sky Fighters, that is.

Truly halfway through the season after 9 games played for most, if not all, teams, Week 10 brought some competitive divisional play with only 1 game having a goal margin greater than 2 goals (and it was only by 3).

On to the box scores…

Mega Touch 3 @ Gut Rot 1

Mega – Eric D (2), Jules (2), Inspector Jones (2)

Goalie Win – Mike T (4-3, GAA 2.08)

Rut Rot – Gilligan (1)

Goalie Loss – Peter Parker via FA

Game Notes: Julie brings ringers like Matt Jones to BTSH then calls him “inspector” so that even Alexa cannot figure it out its her Shortis teammate. Brilliant.

Pounds 2 @ Rehabs 1 F/SO

Pounds – Austin via FA

Goalie Win – Sizzler (6-1, GAA 1.86)

Shootout Winner – Avery E

Habs – Mo R (4)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Eric R (2-1-1, GAA 1.71)

Game Notes: Front runner for MVP at the halfway mark, the Pounds sub list came through again for the sterlings as they down the Rehabs in a controversial shootout. Where is the video review?!

Editor’s Note: There is no MVP award, and thus all subjective halfway mark rankings of anything in nature, such as power, are pointless. Like ranking WTP players ahead of CK players in subjective weekly or annual votes! How could The Person Writing the Three Stars do such a thing? #notmyFSOTW

Sky Fighters 0 @ Instant Karma 3

Goalie Loss – Eric R via Les Habitants

IK – Brianna V (2), Derek Zed (7), Scory Cory V (3),

Goalie Shutout Win – Max Moscow via FA

Game Notes: Instant Karma take advantage of a Sky Fighters streaking in the wrong direction to create more space in their division’s relegation zone.

Advncd Anlytcs: Similar to the pattern we noted in 2018, Brianna and Scory find the scoresheet in the same game once again. If one scores, you need to cover the other!

CK 2 @ FK 0

CK – Captain LJ (1), Captain Liam (3)

Goalie Shutout Win – Peter Parker via FA

Goalie Loss – Shawn H via FA

Game Notes: Evil Dojo take advantage of no Gabe and no Ariel to get back in the win column.

Advncd Anlytcs: Is Liam quietly the Grabner of BTSH? All I see is him scoring empty netters in every CK one goal game. I also thought he was injured. Nice to see you back!

Comic Strip: Burkhardt delivers in a back to back effort. Oh wait, that’s right, he didn’t have to play against Gabe this time. Instead, here’s probably some of the game tape that’s been passed around the CK email threads as of late…

Coaching pays off. So does ignoring it.

Hookers 5 @ GANK 3

Hookers – Sarah N (2), Cro (1), Pigozzi (3), “Bill” Guerin x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Dustin O (6-0, GAA 1.13)

GANK – Derho (2), Probert (7), Chris B (3)

Goalie Loss – Max Moscow via FA

Game Notes: Down 3 to 1 halfway through the 2nd period, the Hookers mounted an impressive 3 goal outburst inside a few brief moments to steal 2 points from their bit(t)er political divisional rivals.

Mons 5 @ Bows 4

Denim D’s – Gene (3), dRo (1), Neil Zed x3 (12)

Goalie Win – Zach L (3-1-2, GAA 1.77)

Dark B’s – Bryan L x2 (5), Jess(ica) D (1), Brett H (1)

Goalie Loss – David G (2-6-1, GAA 3.70)

Game Notes: Rainbows have another strong offensive game but still come up short, and somehow find themselves 7 points back of the Michaliga division race and only 2 points clear of…oh wait, there is nothing after the fourth division, you just stay there in a perpetual annuity, or perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. (how many years have they been down there?) perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. Perpetuity. There, probably close enough. That many years.

IR: Gene and Neil returned for the first time in a few weeks to help the Demons get back in the win column and stay ahead of Mega Touch, who, during the Demons’ shootout losing streak, were picking up some impressive wins and closing the gap in the division race, in which they only sit 1 point behind through Week 10.

Math 3 @ Butchers 1

Math – Jackpole (5), Zach N x2 (4)

Goalie Win – David L (4-4, GAA 2.59)

Butchers – Brendan C (3)

Goalie Loss – Tim B (2-2-2, GAA 2.58)

Game Notes: Norris trophy front runner Zach has been the best Norris all season long. After a Queen benefit concert, he mentioned how much he used to score when he was a rookie. His younger brother skips town and voila, he starts scoring again. Coincidence? Probably (not).

Gremlins 3 @ Riots 1

Gremlins – Ryan M (1), Erich x2 (8)

Goalie Win – Jamie B (5-2, GAA 1.53)

Riots – David L (1)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (2-4, GAA 3.61)

Game Notes: Gremlins cooled off from their offensive outburst only worthy of an HM in Week 9 but still cruise past the Riots in convincing fashion in Week 10. The eye test, nor the advncd anlytcs, suggested a 3-1 scoreline.

Advncd Anlytcs: The gremlins really outplayed the riots.

Filthier 4 @ Fuzz 2

Filthier – Danielle (2), OP James (6), Sunny (6), Sean the Mule (2)

Goalie Win – Tim K (6-2, GAA 1.60)

Fuzz – Miles H (2), Teets McGee (2)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (3-4, GAA 2.25)

Game Notes: Fuzz throws another game and Filthier stay resilient in their chase for the 1st division crown, only sitting 4 points back with half a season to go.

Canucks 1 Blue Shirts 0 F/SO

Goalie Shutout Win: Kirk McLean aka Hoggystyle (4-3, GAA 1.11 all-time)

SO Winner: Trevor Linden aka Justin SM-Liga

Goalie Shutout Shootout Loss: Mike Richter aka RJ (2-3, GAA 1.54)

Game Notes: Sleeper pick game of the day, as after a long day at the courts from re-meshing nets to breaking pinatas, we had a classic NO goal OT/SO thriller between two star-crossed Michilga-now-Katz Division rivals that kept those who stuck around from the 4:30pm games (and earlier ending east 5:30pm game) entertained with writeups, disallowed goals, ejections, and one smooth divisional namesake criminal finn-holing a hapless Poo tender to cap off the day.

“This is MY division now” – Katz and Michaliga trade places in Week 11.

JW Rules Symposium aka Soapbox: What gets addressed first, too big of goalie gear in BTSH, or curved wands in Fake Zog? Or Box Scores posted to fb? He definitely wants the latter. He’ll get none of the above, however.

Those pants are a men’s small. I swear. I don’t wear men’s small anything…I bet the ref’s shorts behind the goalie aren’t a men’s small… #LeeToo

Someone mentioned to me that they have not read one box score post this year, or was not aware these posts were still being produced in 2019, because they aren’t “posted to fb”.

**This is also of course, to the chagrin of John “Millennial under the Flesh” Walker.

Well if that’s the case then good, because then no one (other than Gil) will know these are a week late…enjoy your July 4th’s…we’ll have Week 10 up by week 11’s games.

On to the belated week 9 box scores…

Fresh Kills 2 @ Pounds 1

Fresh Kills – Tom R (1), Sheena W (2)

Goalie Win – Longwell via FA

Pounds – Alex Frey (4)

Goalie Loss – Sizzler (6-1, 1.86 GAA)

Game Notes: As the previews pointed out, Pounds could have used some more regular goobers of theirs for this game, with only 2 guy and 2 girl subs.

Girl Notes: Ryann wanted to note that when Pounds only had 1 guy sub and 2 girl subs, that they didn’t play with 3 girls on the court at any point in time, based on her purview p-her-view.

Guy Notes: ScottyKthe2nd was the second of two guy subs on the day for Pounds. Rumour has it he snuck on the court while Jess (and Yetter) were looking for a potential sub for Greenwald, in the event that the pink tender didn’t make his way back from a 10K earlier that day.

Gremlins 8 @ Sky Fighters 0

Gremlins – Inanimate Carbon Rod (1), Cody C (2), Tim Magic Man F x3 (6), Erich G x3 (6)

Goalie Shutout Win – Jamie B (4-2, 2 shutouts)

Goalie Loss – Peter “Parker” via FA

Game Notes: Mean reversion continues to be the story for the Sky Fighters as Gremlins make easy work of a… soon to be no longer divisional foe?

Advncd Anlytcs: Completing hat tricks with 6-0, 7-0, and 8-0 score lines is alpha.

What the Puck?! 3 @ Demons 2 F/SO

WTP – Henry B (5), Sam McI (5)

Goalie Win – Hoggystyle (1-0)

Demons – Zach F x2 (3)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Zak C

Game Notes: With a patch work lineup of subs, and 2 goals to tie the game in a 1:10 stretch in the last 2:30 of the game, WTP and Zac got the better of Demons and [the] Za/c/ch/ck’s on this day.

Rehabs 2 @ Filthier 1

Rehabs – Alex M (3), Mo R (3)

Goalie Win – Eric R (2-1)

Filthier – Ryan McL (2)

Goalie Loss – Tim K (5-2)

Poutine 2 @ Karma 0

Poutine – Brian S (2), Jonathan C (2)

Goalie Shutout Win – Longwell via FA

Goalie Loss – Max M via FA

Fuzz 2 @ Butchers 5

Fuzz – Sig (5), Gil (4)

Goalie Loss – Tim B (3-3)

Butchers – Super Fast Dave, Brendan C, Pete D’A, Jake T

Game Notes: Is this the last goal that Dave scores in a Butchers uniform? Moment of saddening front runner incoming….

Rainbows 1 @ Rut Rot 2

Dank Bows – Bryan L (3)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (2-6)

Gut Rot – Akhil M x2 (3)

Goalie Win – Longwell via FA

Game Notes: Longwell does what he did to Hookers (while subbing for FK last year) and stymies his former fourth division team in a back and forth matchup.

Advncd Anlytcs: Who are we kidding, with back and forth matchup? The corsi ratio was like a 3:1 margin in the Rainbows’ favour. Longwell did to the Rainbows what he had done for them against teams in an era the franchise is currently trying to reclaim, and made great strides towards in fact. Will another season to rebuild in the Michaliga division prove fruitful if they can’t catch the Demons (or Mega Touch)?

Mega Touch 2 @ Riots 0

Mega – Jeff B (1), Alok (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Mike T (3-3)

Goalie Loss – Peter Parker via FA

Hookers 4 @ Math 3

Hookers – Eleni T (3), Danilo (1), Pigozzi (2), CJ “not the running back” Anderson (4)

Goalie Win – Longwell via Cro bail out

Math – Zach N (2), Sarah Commisherr (1), Akhil via Rut Rot

Goalie Loss – David L (3-4)

Game Notes: Cro has a GAA of 10 after letting in 1 goal in 5 minutes of action during Week 9.

GANK 4 @ CK 3 F/OT

Anklebiters – “Bob” Probert (6), Sarah M (3), Jared (7), Shannon (2),

Goalie Win – Craig LaC

Cobra Kai – Alan (2), Eff Gil Ween (5), Paul B (1)

Goalie Loss – Max M via FA

Game Notes: As anticipated in a previous box score writing, CK went with a third string goalie for this game (and their fourth used this season…what next week their going to use someone else? Who runs this team? A flyers fan in search of their new Carter Hart? No, it’s probably some Devils fan who has realized they’ve wasted away the talents of their old Cory Schneider and now is running up the sunk goalie cost to Zimbabwean inflation levels)

Advncd Anlytcs: To everyone that was saying Pounds were the last/only undefeated team…. the Anklebiters ***currently*** (as of week 9, and 8GP) have a 7-0-1 record, with their only blemish coming in a shootout to Filthier earlier this year. Show your new *as of week 9* league leader in the standings some respect!

Read it in an Olivier accent.

Week 8 brought us interdivisional play that featured multiple OT victories, shutouts, and blowouts (not including what they called game 6 of the Stanley cup finals)….on to the box scores.

GANK 5 @ Rainbows 2

GANK – Ben “not Bob” Probert (5), Jared P (6), Shannon S (1), Jeremy Shoey/Schuie/ShoeShoe (2), Jason Bourne (3)

Goalie Win – Craiggers (4-1, GAA 1.00)

Dank Bows – Bryan L (2), Tarnado (2)

Goalie Loss – Greenwald (2-5)

DenDems 2 @ Hookers 3 F/SO

Demons – Jake R (2), Brian M (1)

Goalie SOL – Zak C (1-0-1, GAA 1.90)

Hookers – CJ (3), Eleni T (2)

Goalie Win – Dustin O #notyourallstargoalie2019 (5-0, GAA 0.77)

Shootout Winner – Danilo (and Not the Running Back Anderson with the clincher)

Evil Dojo 0 @ Mega Clutch Touch 2

Goalie Loss – Ryan M (0-2, GAA 3.00)

Mega – Eric D (1), Devin via FA

Goalie Shutout Win – Jeff H (1-0, 1 Shutout, GAA 0.00)

Game Notes: In what will sure be a top nomination for moment of saddening for 2019, Jeff shuts out Cobra Kai in his BTSH send-off game.

Advncd Anlytcs: CK’s replacement goalie for Campbell has a GAA higher than the most goals CK let in last year, not including the finals (not because Sig was in the crease on the third Fuzz goal, this is just to illustrate the punch line), which was only a brace (2) on many weeks in 2018. Is it time to go back to the Brooklyn ice hockey drawing board? Instagram polls? The dog park? Do they have those in Brooklyn? It does seem like a cliquey activity…

Rut Rot 2 @ Math 4

Gut Rot – Mark C (1), Tommy C (1)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-5)

Math – Jack McG (4), Jon M x2 (5), Jeff S (2)

Goalie Win – David L (3-3, GAA 2.62)

Game Notes: I’m waiting one more week before censoring that goalie record. Oof. #RoadToMinus70

Rehabs 4 @ Gremlins 1

Habs – Dave R x2 (2), Mo R (2), Bryan M (2)

Goalie Win – Eric R (1-1, GAA 2.50)

Gremlins – Carcella “I might have had one too many” Molson(s) (1)

Goalie Loss – Sam “first and last” Goalie Game (0-1)

Game Notes: Rehabs are now recruiting Br/i/y/ans ad nausea. Bryan M has been credited with the opening goal against Rainbows in Week 6.

Instant Karma 1 @ Filthier 5

IK – Derek Zed (6)

Goalie Loss – Steve F (but totally down to give it to Sizzler and ruin his goalie stats since he subbed in late in this game in relief)

Filthier – Sunny M (5), Thomas W (2), OP James x2 (5), Sean the Mule (1)

Goalie Win – Tim K (5-1, GAA 1.48)

Hope you are feeling better, Steve!

Fuzz 1 @ Poos 0 F/OT

Fuzz – Sig (4)

Goalie Shutout Win – Tim Bwn (3-2, GAA 1.37)

Goalie Loss – RJ F (2-2, GAA 1.95)

Game Notes: Nico did knock down Walsh. But I totally didn’t see it happen, while totally not reffing, and totally called it a penalty.

Advncd Anlytcs: Sig now has more goals than alleged knock downs. Goon!!!

DaPucks 3 @ Pounds 4

WTP – Paul P (2), Hanif P (1), Hoggystyle* (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P (2-3-2, GAA 2.64)

Pounds – Jason B (3), B Wayne (3), Mike “obscure reference Allyn McCauley” McVillainy via WTP, Amitai via FA

Goalie Win – Sizzler (6-0, GAA 1.83)

Game Notes: *unassisted, kind of (McCauley will set me up in a future game I’m sure**)

Trade Block: **After only appearing for 1 game through Week 8, WTP are trying to ship off Capalbo to Poundtown, because ScottyKthe2nd likes saying [reverse] 69 more than the Hamilton/toe Provider. In return they’ll hopefully receive something more than TML box score references in Mike “spelt like Allyn” McCauley. Okay, this is now getting too long and I’m not putting together a yetter like presser article here.

Wait, that’s not how “reverse” works, is it???

Butchers 4 @ Riots 5 F/OT

Pig Knife O Fence – Jake T x2 (4), Cheeky (1), Super and Fast Dave (2)

Goalie OTLoss – Tim Brk (1-2, GAA 2.68)

Riots – Kevin Zed (1), Vanck (1), Margot (1), Dan G x2 (2)

Goalie Win – Dave GdR (2-3)

Game Notes: A lot of rioter red picked an ideal time to start scoring some goals – everyone who scored in this game had firsts on the season, with Dan’s second being the difference in OT. I totally told Jake they’d win a game this season. Oh no wait, that was me talking to Rob from Gut Rot….the box scores never lie.

FK 6 @ SKY 0

FK – Gabe x4 (5), Rachel (1), Sheena (1)

Goalie Shutout Win – Barch Pile (2-3, GAA 1.76)

Goalie Loss – Peter “White, Black and Red All Over” Parker via Spiderman Newspaper Photos

Game Notes: With Gabe only at 1 goal heading into Week 8 and some sky fighting horseshoe/poo luck from week 7’s game, mean reversion is a b*tch, Pete.

Gabe on your average sub goalie Sunday.

Friendly reminder that we have the ASG coming up next Sunday. Stay for Four-Foot long sammies (no jumbo bagels) and the skills comp.

On the box scores…

Hookers 3 @ Rehabs 1

Hookers – Sarah N (1), CJ “not the running back” Anderson (2), Joe M (1, EN)

Goalie Win – Dustin O (4-0, GAA 0.49, 2 shutouts)

Rehabs – Hicks (5)

Goalie Loss – Max the FA

Game Notes: Whoah, Hookers beat Rehabs. Cool. Must be because of that all-star goalie. Look at those shiny numbers!

Advncd Anlytcs: Wait, since when did we have the ability to track empty net goals?

Gut Rot 3 @ Instant Karma 5

Rout Rot – Akhil (1), Jeff x2 (2)

Goalie Loss – Sam (0-4)

IK – Brianna V (1), Brett C x2 via FA, Sara via FA, Scory Cory V (2)

Goalie Win – Charlie O’D via Goals Allowed Anonymous

Game Notes: Apparently if Gut Rot continues playing after a ball hits someone in the face, it’s okay, and they can keep playing until they score? Can old school and new school figure out what to do here, notwithstanding any bullock’s sexual innuendos it raises, and whether or not it changes a certain sweetheart perception?  

Advncd Anlytcs: 6/7 karmas don’t care about advanced stats. Or is it 6 foot 7 karmas…

Dark Rainbows 2 @ Tompkins Square Riots 1

Dank Bows – Tarnado (1), Ryan M (1)

Goalie Win – David “he knows his stats aren’t good [but now they look better]” G (2-4)

Riots – David “Mike Danton’s v fave agent” Frost (2)

Goalie Loss – Dave GdR (1-3)

Game Notes: No baby powder was harmed in the production of these two points.

Pounds 3 @ Fuzz 2

Pounds – Macayla (1), Jake C (1), Denis via FA

Goalie Win – Mike Sizzler (5-0, GAA 1.60)

Fuzz – Gil’s nephew’s uncle (3), Miles (1)

Goalie Loss – Tim Bwn (2-2, GAA 1.75)

Game Notes: When does Teets McGee come back for his scoring title? Week 8? Pushing it a little bit man.

Sky Fighters 3 @ What the Puck 2 F/SO

SkyF – Matt (1), Wes (1)

Goalie Win – Peter Parker B via FA

Shootout Winner – Infanti

WTP – Annie A (1), Sam McI (4)

Goalie Loss – Ed P

Game Notes: After meeting WTP founder Larry Zed-mer earlier in the week, Annie scored her first goal for DaPucks to get her side back on the board, bringing the score back to 2-1 in the first period. After another girl goal, tying the game shortly thereafter, Annie almost had another but for a diving Peter Parker stifling a back door scoring chance to keep the game tied going into half time. After being lulled to sleep by their opponent’s lack of positive corsi for the duration of the game thereafter, WTP failed to score on any of their shootout attempts.

Advncd Anlytics: Poke check on every shootout attempt. Is foolproof.

Cobra Kai 5 @ Mathematics 2

CK – Liam (2), Big “Greedy Provider” Russ (2), Eff Gill Ween x2 (4), Rachel (1)

Goalie Win – Max via FA

Math – John M (1), Eli (1)

Goalie Loss – David L (2-3, GAA 2.75)

Game Notes: Forget about goalie, I think if Cobra Kai added a dog to the roster, the pupper might outscore some of the players on the rooster. Russ has only two so far, but the doggo likely could snip 3 on a Fourth Division beatdown day game.

Fresh Kills 1 @ Filthier 2

FK – Nate (6)

Goalie Loss – Barch Not Piled (1-3, GAA 2.20)

Filthier – Ann (1), Sunny (4)

Goalie Win – Tim K (4-1, GAA 1.57)

Game Notes: Obligatory “Filthier got the job done without making a barch pile” game note.

Advncd Anlytcs: After getting one called back last week, Ann made sure to get one that counted this time around, setting the tone for two filthy points.

Gouging Anklebiters 3 @ Butchers 0 PPD

GANK – Probert x2 (4), Sarah M (2)

Goalie of Record – Craig LaC (3-1, GAA 0.80)

Butchers – Nada de Pig Knife Ball in Net

Goalie of Record – Tim Burke (1-1, GAA 2.00)

Game Notes: After playing through the first monsoon, on the west court of all things, play was suspended after the secondary rainfall hit Tompkins Square Park with roughly 5 minutes left in the game. Jason Bourne couldn’t retrace his steps to the rink this week, but luckily Probert found his scoring touch, putting up a pair of his own for a change this year.

Mega Touch 2 @ Denim Demons 1 F/SO

Touch em Mega – Natasha (1)

Goalie Win – Mike “Waffelboard” T (2-3, GAA 2.69)

Shootout Winner – Joe

DenDems – Miles S (7)

Goalie Shootout Loss – Zach L (2-2-1, GAA 1.35)

Game Notes: A tight contest was decided in the 9th round of the shootout (the only successful shootout attempt to boot, and better yet, no full parabola rebound bounces were necessary to score this time).

Advncd Anlytcs: Louie/Louis/Lewiiiii held up his standard performance of 2019, only allowing a goal through 55 minutes and only on more in a 9-round shootout. Unfortunately for the first time all-star, his counterpart on this day –big waffleboard T-man – was just a little bit better, stopping every attempt in the shootout and leading Mega to the extra point.

Poutine Machine @ Gremlins PPD

Game Notes: Walker may lament about the lack of playing time but we all know he’ll forget about it the day they have their double header. Too bad that smart (ass*) guy James won’t still be around to ruin it though (*in accordance with old school methodology, he was good at something; therefore, he shall be sl00t shamed and declared a dick!).

Advncd Anlytcs: Still not sure why Walker never ended up being a goalie, especially an FA one…dat playing time arbitrage doe.

“Hope your birthday makes you feel as good as you felt when you made this sweet save on Crosby at the Hockey Hall of Fame” – Photo and Bday wish Cred: Tia
The actual box scores caption is “goalie gear circa 1905 and 2105”