Your Sultan is very excited about this week. First off, the Rainbows are opening and Poutine is the closing team. Newman is opening and closing. Speaking of Newman, Sam Norris is right. He’ll never ref again…after this week! Newman is moving to S.F. or some other place in Cali. So please show a little class and yell at him one last time. I have to say…I’m going to miss you, Newmie.
Newman.

Under your previous Commissioners, like Adriano and Tim B., they would tell you to play chill and don’t chase the orange ball too hard. But Commissioners are for jerks…that’s why I’m your Sultan! We have two GIGANTIC games this week. First up…we have Cobra Kai and the Hookers battling it out to see who jumps into the Gil de Rubio Conference. The teams are (obviously) pretty evenly matched. If everyone shows, I’m going with 2-1 for Cobra Kai. (Though I’m biased bc of my Cecil & Harambe sisters on the team [Oh, Hi Noelle! –Emeritus])

But perhaps the biggest game is the Riots vs. Rainbows. The Rainbows are hoping to avoid becoming the first team during the Modern Era (2008-2015) and the New Era (2016-Present) to go winless for the season. In order to walk with Heroes like the 2008 Elves, and 2016 Gut Rot, the Rainbows have to win. My man Bernstein has guaranteed victory, and he’s never let me down before. Sorry, Dave GDR, I’m pulling for the other Daves in this one…Bernstein and Greenwald.

Anyways, that’s it for now. Be sure to register for the Prom, the Sept. 17 tournament, and anything else that I get emails about but forgot [Like re-registering for the league so you can participate in the playoffs –Emeritus]