Get Tags Away From My Keeper

 

Color: Orange
Year Founded: 2002
2007 Regular Season Finish: 12-5 (4th place)
2007 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in semifinals
Key Additions: Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri (Pork Fried Rice), Jenny Petersen (Pork Fried Rice)
Key Losses: Erica Lee (LBS)
Fan Base: Canada

One word has plagued What The Puck all winter: Shootout.  Their quest for a second consecutive championship ended suddenly in the semifinals when they could not convert on any of their four shootout attempts.  In an effort to improve shootout efficiency, Coach/Captain Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer made a huge splash in the free agent market, signing the extremely overrated Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri to a one year personal services contract.  The contract would have been longer, but Zimmer was concerned about Ventolieri’s fragile hip (in addition to other age-related maladies).  Of course, all of their worries could be overblown, as they still have the offensive firepower of Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth, Corey “Chongo” Winters, Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman, Tom MacDonald, and Michelle Doucet, which they will need to overcome the goaltending deficiencies of Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz.

Rapper They Closely Resemble: Dr. Dre.  Sure, they’re a tad more familly friendly these days, but they always have been and always will be one of the top acts in the business.
Fast Fact: Brian Vroom is an avid stamp collector.

ROSTER
Roderick “Guy LeDouche” Cruz (G)
Michelle Doucet
Celine Dujeux
Amy Farley
Jen Hale
Darrell “Accurate Bob” Hartman
Kevin Lutsky
Tom MacDonald
Jenny Petersen
Susanna Tenney
Ant “Father Time” Ventolieri
Brian Vroom
Lauren Weitman
Corey “Chongo” Winters
Mike “The X-Factor” Woodsworth
Larry “Mad Dog” Zimmer (C)