The Tuques Are In A Class By Themselves

Dave 2009

Color: Yellow/Red
Year Founded: 2002
2008 Regular Season Finish: 8-9 (12th place)
2008 Playoff Result: Lost to Denim Demons in first round
Division: Woodsworth
2009 Marketing Slogan: “Tuques hockey.”
Key Additions: Diane Johnston, Shafiq Perry, and Rachel Winstone (All Free Agents)
Key Losses: Sarah Moore (Gouging Anklebiters)

The Tuques are coming off of their best season in the franchise’s seven year history.  Although they fell one win short of a .500 record, they are determined to turn the corner and move into the upper echelon of BTSH this season.

During the offseason, the Tuques leadership council of David Ladanyi, Minkus, and The Peter Wilson retreated to a remote mountainside lodge deep in the woods of New Hampshire in order to contemplate the future of the team.  After days of heavy drinking thought, they identified three specific players to target through free agency: Diane Johnston, Shafiq Perry, and Rachel Winstone.  Due to Ladanyi’s shrewd negotiating tactics, the Tuques were able to acquire all three, while saving enough money to hire a bodyguard for Wilson.

The rookies will complement a solid core of returning veterans.  Wilson, the league’s reigning Most Underrated Player, scored 15 goals last season, placing him fourth in BTSH.  However, because of his business-like approach to the game and lack of theatrics, he may be able to fly under opponents’ radars once again.  The Tuques also return Minkus, a 2008 nominee for Most Exciting Player.  His failure to win this prestigious award has created a giant chip on his shoulder.  He declares, “I am still pissed off at the media for robbing me of last season’s Most Exciting Player award and am considering various changes to spice things up:  a boxcutter prominently displayed on my stick, well-timed fire-breathing, creating a clone, a suit of armor, and a sniper.” 

Food They Closely Resemble: Celery.  Yep, good old reliable celery.
Fast Fact: Caroline Johnston does not drink carbonated beverages. 

ROSTER
Sherman “The Shermanator” Chan
Deep Dutta
Daphne Feng
Andrea Grande-Capone
Lisa Harrington
Caroline Johnston
Diane Johnston
Dean Keyworth
David Ladanyi (C)
Alfred Liu
Corey Long
Zoe Markwick
Minkus (A)
Bill Monahan
Shafiq Perry
Ken Rosenkrantz
Gabe Wilson
The Peter Wilson (A)
Rachel Winstone

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