She’s Actually Just Watching Empire Records

Color: Maroon
Year Founded: 2010
2010 Regular Season Finish: 8-7-1 (1st, MacNeil Division; 4th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Sky Fighters in quarterfinals
Conference: Schumacher
Division: Donohue
2010 Leading Scorer: Alexandre Frenette, 13 goals
Team Song: Quiet Riot – Cum On Feel The Noize
Key Additions: Daniel Burns, Michelle Bressler, Caroline Samponaro
Key Losses: None

By all measures, the 2010 season was a success for the Tompkins Square Riots.  The team, in its inaugural year, won the MacNeil Division, and were the only team in the division with a positive goal differential.  Both Alexandre Frenette (13) and Patrik Blohmé (12) finished in the top 10 in scoring, and Frenette took home the Most Underrated Player award.  In addition, the Riots held either sole possession, or a share, of first place in the MacNeil Division for all but one week and never had a losing record at any point of the season.  In their first playoff game, the Riots beat the Unicorns 3-2, by scoring twice in the final three minutes of regulation.  Their season ended the following week with a quarterfinal loss to the defending champion Sky Fighters.

By winning the MacNeil Division, the Riots were promoted to the Donohue Division.  Despite the move up to stiffer competition, the Riots should have no trouble fitting in to their new division.  The team finished with the Schumacher Conference’s top ranked offense last season, and it went 3-2 against the four other Donohue Division teams (Butchers, Cobra Kai, La Famiglia, Unicorns).

To help compete in this new division, captain Amy Jones has added several new players.  She describes a few of them:

• Daniel Burns: From Scott Townsend’s Mofo team.  I haven’t met him but everyone keeps gushing about how nice he is.  Also, Canadian!  Also I hear he is a chef.
• Caroline Samponaro: We met her up at Lasker.  She works for Transportation Alternatives and has already volunteered for the ref program, so she may be among the avant garde when the revolution finally comes, and BTSH reveals its true colors as a revolutionary political organization.
• Michelle Bressler: Has also already volunteered for the ref program, used to ref ice hockey intramurals in college.

Entity They Resemble, According To Rich Glanzer: The guy we never see who holds the camera in The Office. We all love Michael Scott, Dwight Schrute, and Jim, but the real hero is the guy in the background holding the camera. Amy and Jaclyn may never get the recognition that Bob Double U does, but their documentary is going to kick ass. And their team, much like The Office, is pretty good too.
Fast Fact: Gamblers have already begun placing bets on which will be completed first: Amy and Jaclyn’s documentary or the Glanzer Dome.  The smart money is on the documentary.

ROSTER
Patrik Blohmé
Michelle Bressler
Daniel Burns
Shane-o DeBlasio
Katie English
Ana Fernandez
Patty Fernandez
Kate Fillin-Yeh
Joe Fiore
Alexandre Frenette
Dave Gil De Rubio (G)
Jeff Goldberg
Amy Jones (C)
Jaclyn Lee
Mandy Lundstrom
Grant Mason
Myrto Mylopoulos
B.R. Rolya
Karen Rosenberg
Caroline Samponaro
Jessica Selman
Craig Thompson
Scott Townsend
Alicia Walker
Bob “Olmec” Weyersberg