Stork’s Favorite Movie is Tomcats

Color: Black
Year Founded: 2001
2007 Regular Season Finish: 10-6-1 (8th place)
2007 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in quarterfinals
Key Additions: Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett (Pork Fried Rice), Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez (Unicorns), Alex “Villano VI” Zabala (Unicorns)
Key Losses: Daniel Torjman, Debbie Tomlinson, James Nicholson
Fan Base: Romeo’s Equipment Manager

In an effort to diffuse some of the animosity that has been lobbed in their direction in recent seasons, the Rehabs held a press conference to announce their newest members to the assembled media.  Here is a live (sort of) blog that summarizes the proceedings:

1:00 PM – Captain Brian “Stork” Welch enters the room to the sounds of AC/DC’s “Hell’s Bells”.
1:05 PM – After waiting for the song to finish, Stork introduces Sal Malguarnera, stating, “Every time Sal scores it’s like he’s kissing the opposing goalies like Michael Corleone kissed Fredo in that Godfather scene when they’re all in Cuba in white tuxes.  ‘I knew it was you Fredo’.  Yes Sal, and soon the goalies are gonna know it too.”
1:07 PM – New addition Hector “$howT!m3” Melendez crashes through the podium, spilling a carefully placed pitched of water on Welch.
1:09 PM – After changing into a dry shirt, Welch proceeds to introduce Melendez and Alex “Villano VI” Zabala, who arrived in a package deal from the Unicorns.  Of Zabala, Welch offers, “Alex is one of the most underrated players in the league.  He’s a  guy who’s  capable of 25 plus goals this year.  Time to reintroduce him to the league.  Don’t blink.”
1:11 PM – Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett, who signed as a free agent after the dissolution of Pork Fried Rice interjects that he is also a candidate for 25 plus goals now that he no longer has to play on the same line as notorious ball hog, “the extremely overrated Ant ‘Father Time’ Ventolieri” (his words).
1:13 PM – Sliding in gracefully from the left side of the stage is John Gazley, the founder of the Rehabs, who has returned to New York City and will slowly be integrated back into the lineup so he can execute the famous Gazley Slide at least three times in each game.
1:15 PM – Welch and the five new/returning players hold up their new uniforms and pose for photos before leaving the stage.
1:22 PM – Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman arrives, wonders where everyone is.

Rapper They Closely Resemble: Kanye West.  All the talent in the world, but can somebody please tell them to shut the hell up?
Fast Fact: Brian Wong enjoys playing hockey.

ROSTER
Chantel Arroyo
Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett
J.P. Chaput
Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli
Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman
John Gazley
Gina Hackett
Molly Holder
Stacy Kehoe
“Con” Ed Lau
Michael Lewis
Sal Malguarnera
Hector “ShowT!m3” Melendez
Kami Moore
Lateef Nurmohamed
Anthony Romeo (G)
Michael Sayre
Theo Waters
Greg Weitzman
Bryan “Stork” Welch (C)
Brian Wong
Alex “Villano VI” Zabala