Meredith And Stacy Are Almost As Tight As Rich And Karsten

Color: Black
Year Founded: 2001
2010 Regular Season Finish: 10-5-0-1 (1st, Hackett Division; 2nd overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Butchers in round of 16
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Rubens
2010 Leading Scorer: Alex Doucette, 12 goals
Team Song: AC/DC – Back in Black
Key Additions: Approximately half of the roster
Key Losses: Brock Bosacker, Alex Doucette, Anita Khar, “Con” Ed Lau, Anthony Romeo, “The All-American Canadian” Adam Skuse

Captain Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli wrote the following preview for the 2011 Rehabs:

The Rehabs 2010 squad was minimal to start, especially with the early losses of Gary Kowalski and Chantel Arroyo, but the team proved strong and pulled through the end of the season with steam still in the tank. So much steam that a small explosion occurred sending some players flying onto What the Puck’s roster. However, the vacuum created by said explosion (which occurred in space, for those of you who weren’t listening) drew some unlikely characters to fill in the void.

One cannot contest that the Rehabs lost somewhere around 57% of their offensive scoring power to WTP this season in the departures of Brock Bosacker, Alex Doucette, and Adam Skuse. The Rehabs took an equal blow at the other end of the court with the loss of goaltender Anthony Romeo, who is currently in talks with Rehabs new net minder Hilary Meyer over 2011 jersey designs. It is important to note that Romeo already confirmed that he does not think that orange is the new black.

In fact, WTP is proving that green is in this season, what with their steadfast adherence to the Three R’s Principle. Ed Lau, long-time Rehab, known for winning Time Magazine’s Man of the Year award every year, a Canadian and loving father of two, has re-relocated to Toronto where his family has already instituted Sunday pickup games in the basketball courts down the block.

New Rehabs standing alongside goaltender Hilary Meyer are ladies Nora
Nolan, Erica Stoller, and Debbi Tomlinson, and gents Mike Caruana, Cory Lashway, Andre Legapsi, Mike Nagen, Andrew Sheppard, and Dave Spaltro. A jumbled collection of BTSH newbies and familiar faces. Call an infrastructural adjustment whatever you want to call it.

Switching things up in this new decade, the Rehabs will have some gents on defense and some ladies on offense. Check it!

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Jesus Christ (regular version). Look, we all know J.C. was a standup dude. Allegedly, he died for us. And Larry Zimmer thinks the Rehabs have died for What the Puck. With the Rehabs’ best scorers and goalies all scooped up by WTP, and the Rehabs moving up to the top division, this has the potential to be a loooooooong season. But if Christ was anything, he was resilient. I mean not many people have walked on water, split the Red Sea (Moses falsely took credit for that one), and came back to life after they died. So if you see MDF walking on a puddle, running amok near the Red Sea, and hanging around former dead people, you’ll realize the Rehabs are gonna be alright.

Fast Fact(s), Courtesy of Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli:

• Tomlinson and Nagen are returning to BTSH after years of self-inflicted exile and were members of the Warriors
• Legapsi is very, very excited to debut his new gloves
• Gary Kowalksi, previously of Squirrel fame, will be returning from injury to remind us how much we missed him last season
• John “Dinner Plate” Feldman plans to play left-handed this season so that his penalties can in no way be blamed on him

ROSTER
Mike “Cupcake” Bartlett
Rob Blandi
Mike Caruana
Meredith Danberg-Ficarelli (C)
Jon “Dinner Plate” Feldman
Gina Hackett
Tom Houston
Stacy Kehoe
Gary Kowaslki
Cori Lashway
Andre Legapsi
Hilary Meyer
Kami Moore
Mike Nagin
Nora Nolan
Jeff Nugent
Lateef Nurmohammed
Andrew Shepard
Dave Spaltro
Erica Stoller
Debbie Tomlinson
Bryan “Stork” Welch
Alex “Villano VI” Zabala