Season Preview: Mexican Standoff

Haanwa Chau Has a Vivid Imagination

Speedy Gonzalez

 

Color: Blue/Black
Year Founded: 2002
2007 Regular Season Finish: 5-12-0-1 (15th place)
2007 Playoff Result: Lost to Sky Fighters in play-in game
Key Additions: Leah “Vick-ahs” Vickers (Cobra Kai), Mary Pratt (Cobra Kai)
Key Losses: Len Guinto, Kristen Scalia
Fan Base: Mexico 

According to Haanwa Chau, no less than three attempts were made on Jefferson Hendricks’s life during the off-season.   Marie Marberg (Squirrels) and Sharif “The Chocolate Buzzsaw” Corinaldi (Mathematics) were both implicated in two of the attempts and have thus stepped down from their captain positions.

Because of these attacks on his life, Hendricks has been in hiding for several months in a landbound sailboat parked in his mother’s front yard.  While hiding, he and the rest of Mexican Standoff have been planning antics and hijinks galore.  They will unveil elaborate maps, recipes, and outfits.

In other news (this is what you call a B story, kids), Liza Watts (Filthy Gorgeous) and Chau have born their first lovechild named Molly HaanWatts.  The child will be raised in Czechoslovakia until she is old enough to play street hockey in the US.

Rapper They Closely Resemble: Entire Texas Crew Scene (Mike Jones, Chamillionaire, Lil’Flip, Paul Wall, Slim Thug, etc.).  There seems to be an endless supply of players in this group, with new performers coming out of the woodwork every year (where did Ellery come from?!).  However, no one ever seems to bring his game consistently enough for them to sustain any true dominance.
Fast Fact: Tim “The Lantern” Olson looks kind of like Brian “The Flashlight” Morrison of Cobra Kai.  Kind of.

ROSTER
Karey Bakker
Andrew Bavan
Ben Bloom
John Bonfanti
Haanwa Chau
Tommy Cho
Gary Cohen
Sarah Conroy
Ellery “The Nature Boy” Gillette
Jason Greenberg
Jefferson Hendricks (C)
Aynsley Kirshenbaum
Amanda Jenkins
Randy Locklair (G)
Tim “The Lantern” Olson
Mary Pratt
Erik Price
Jason “The Hamburglar” Rosenstock
Adam Shaw
Hanna Stark
Leah “Vick-ahs” Vickers
Dave Wang

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