The New Mega-Leader

Color: Gray
Year Founded: 2002
2009 Regular Season Finish: 5-15-1 (16th Place)
2009 Playoff Result: Lost to Mathematics in play-in game
Conference: Schumacher
Division: MacNeil
Home Arena: East Village Fairgrounds
2009 Leading Scorer: Greg Kellerman, 7 goals
Key Additions: Harvey Jaswal, Samantha Mau
Key Losses: Toby Carroll, Martin Olson, Gunner Katatikarn, David Ritter

“Tears are often the telescope by which men see far into heaven” –Henry Ward Beecher

After a subpar rebranding and marketing campaign in 2009, Mega Touch went back to the drawing board with hopes for a better season in 2010.  Thus, an epic offseason power struggle took place amongst Mega Touch management to see who would lead the team to its mega-potential.  When the dust settled, Greg Kellerman had ascended to the throne of Mega Touch captain, displacing the former leader, the mild-mannered and good-natured Eric Devlin, in a bloodless coup.  Kellerman claims he won the position, along with Devlin’s ship, the Millennium Falcon, in an offseason game of Sabacc in Cloud City.

Although Kellerman is being extremely discreet about his team’s prospects for 2010, he has guaranteed the following: lots of beards, swearing, and Danny Canarick forgetting his shirt, shoes, and stick.

Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble: Luke Gallows.  The recent name change is a step in the right direction, but there’s still a lot of room for improvement.
Fast Fact: Mike Tuckman cried eight times while watching Dude, Where’s My Car?

ROSTER
Hacksaw Mark Anderson*
Molly “Fuck it” Brown*
Danny “Take it easy” Canarick*
Dan “Buffalo Wing” Colleran*
Jane “Kramer vs.” Cramer*
Eric “by the Hammer of” Devlin*
Kristen “Enchilada” Echemendia*
Handsome Jonny Hanson*
Katie “Bring the Hate” Hasty*
Hurricane Harvey Jaswal*
Greg “Let’s be Friends” Kellerman* (C)
Joe “Moose Leather” Lops*
Bill “The Quiet Storm” MacGregor*
Samantha “The Melbourne Kid” Mau*
Alex “Coop” Eben Meyer
“Long Island” Jen Nedbalsky*
Brett “the Boston Steamer” Oppedisano*
Andy “George” Robertson*
Speedy Scott Rosenthal*
Nadya “Meryl” Salcedo*
Krazy Katherine Sall*
Mike “Tuckman” Tuckman*
Rabi “Forest” Whitaker*

*Not a media-sanctioned nickname.