Phil’s Seeking A Bailout

Color: Dark Blue
Year Founded: 2001
2010 Regular Season Finish: 5-11 (5th, Donohue Division; 19th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Unicorns in opening round
Conference: Schumacher
Division: MacNeil
2010 Leading Scorer: Alex Derhohannesian, 12 goals
Team Song: Kenny Loggins – Footloose
Key Additions: Steve Muller (free agency), Zack Papper (free agency)
Key Losses: “Old School” Mike Ross

After a string of terrible publicity due to a 2010 hazing investigation, the Gouging Anklebiters were forced to find a buyer to take over the team this offseason.  Captain Phil “Sandy” Donohue immediately sought out the help and backing of his long time friend, Sascha Puritz, who had slowly risen to the rank of LBS, Inc. CEO.  Together, along with LBS, Inc. Director of Mergers and Acquisitions, Fernando Limonic, the two teams reached an agreement amenable to both parties.  In exchange for bailing the ‘Biters out of their financial woes, LBS, Inc. would effectively own any potential championships and awards the Anklebiters might accrue.

Now under the umbrella of the LBS corporation, the Gouging Anklebiters have been forced to follow all company policies and procedures.  Most notably, this meant that all potential recruits had to fill out an involved application before joining the team.  Questions included “Scoring or drinking?” and “You’re on death row.  How’d you get there?  What’s your last meal?”  All applications were then reviewed by a distinguished panel consisting of Donohue himself, assistant captain Amy Barrett, Sarah Moore, Zach “Cryme Tyme” Weiner, and Gut Rot’s Jefferson.

With several new hires now on the team, the Gouging Anklebiters hope to improve upon last season’s 5-11 record, which earned them last place in the Donohue Division and a demotion to the MacNeil Division.

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Gandhi. You can’t argue what a great guy Mahatma is/was, but he never concentrated enough on hockey. And neither do the Anklebiters. They take the sports out of social sports.
Fast Fact: Today is Sarah Moore’s birthday.  Happy birthday, Sarah!

ROSTER
Amy Barrett (A)
Zoya Craig
Charles DeFranco
Alex Derhohannesian
Mike Diverio
Phil “Sandy” Donohue (C)
Nick Gardella
Jen Harlan
Sarah Moore
Caroline Morrisey-Bickerton
Steve Muller
Nestor “Marmaduke” Nonato
“Quiet” Mike O’Connor (A)
Alex Owen
Zack Papper
Peter “Geech” Prohaska
Annika
Zach “Cryme Tyme” Weiner