Season Preview ā Denim Demons
Color:Ā Red
Year Founded:Ā 2002
2011 Regular Season Finish:Ā 10-6-0-1 (2nd, Rubens Division; 8th overall)
2011 Playoff Result:Ā Lost to What the Puck in quarterfinals
Conference:Ā Tagliarino
Division:Ā Rubens
Team Song: “Tubular Bells” – Mike Oldfield
Roster
AdamĀ Rubens (C)
Brad Weiger
Brian Kubocik
What is it about teams named after denizens of the Netherworld?
Consider the New Jersey Devils. They have a world class (if aging) goaltender, a talented offensive pair in Ilya Kovalchuk and Zach Parise, solid management from Lou Lamoriello, and they always perform well in the regular season. But when the playoffs roll around they always come up a bit short.
Now think about their BTSH counterparts, the Denim Demons. They have a BTSH Hall of Fame (though aging rapidly) goalie in Aaron “Coach” Pagdon, the talented offensive pair of Mike “Not James’ Brother” Perriera and Jeff “Kamen, Saw, Conquered” Kamen, solid Management from Adam “Pee Wee” Rubens and they always perform well in the regular season. But like their NHL brethren, the Demons always seem to find themselves on the wrong side of a playoff result.
It’s enough to make you think that worshipping at the altar of Satan is a bad thing.
To be fair, it’s never been poor team play that’s beat the Demons. It’s always been the little things. A bounce here, a missed pass there, Sharif Corinaldi chanting “the Power of Christ compels you” (wait, that was his cheer for Trevor aka Jesus of the Dark Rainbows during their finals match against the Hookers. It’s got nothing to do with the Demons but may still be the greatest moment in BTSH history). But as the team has matured, Pee Wee definitely felt that there was something missing. And a combination of off season retirements and roster changes have led to a significant revamp of Hell’s hockey players for 2012.
In the words of their Captain, “No more, Mr. Nice Guy!”.
Ok, I totally made up that quote but a look at the Demons roster shows that this is one serious team. Gone are more lighthearted players like Jim “Dandy” Dandenault and Danny “The P is for Polite” Polinsky. In their place are Sareb “What Whistle?” Lalrib and Sandy “Bat Out of Hell” Batista, two players that give other teams nightmares (and sometimes those nightmares even have something to do with hockey). And Lena Moy-Borgen and Zack Tinkelman are so intense they’ve made other players cry just by looking at them.
There’s no doubt that the 2012 Demons are badass. But team chemistry remains the intangible X-Factor. Will Pee Wee and his lovable band of devil worshippers finally come together and get over the post-season hump. Other teams have tried the “hardcore” strategy before without ultimate success (e.g. the Corlears Hookers who’s strategy of not celebrating goals has given them a lot of success but also turned them in to the ’90s Buffalo Bills of BTSH). And 18 weeks is a long time to go without smiling.
The Demons combination of skill, athleticism and ritual goat sacrifice makes them a formidable foe for any team in the league. So stock up on holy water, crucifixes and any player with Christian symbolism in their name, Captains (we’ve already received a lot of trade offers for Brodie St. John). Hell’s a comin’ and you better be ready.
Entity They Most Resemble (According to Rich Glanzer)
Entity:Ā Black jerseys