Dave Fraser Didn’t Sign Up For This

Color: Red
Year Founded: 2002
2010 Regular Season Finish: 13-3 (1st, Rubens Division; 1st overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Butchers in quarterfinals
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Rubens
2010 Leading Scorer: Zack Tinkelman, 17 goals
Team Song: Steely Dan – Pretzel Logic
Key Additions: None…so far
Key Losses: Emily Carson, Steve Chernoski, Noah & Sara Farkas, Miranda Kahn

Co-captain and BTSH.org correspondent Abby “Tayne” Meisterman submitted the following preview for the 2011 Denim Demons:

Q: How would you assess your team’s performance last season? What can BTSH expect from you this year?

Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens: For the second straight season, the Demons won the Prince of Weyersberg trophy, and for the second straight year, we bombed out in the quarterfinals. While it’s true that we put more stock in winning the regular season than most teams, the BTSH Cup has eluded us thus far, and we clearly need to step up our game another level come playoff time.

Q: Will you be leading your team in pregame calisthenics once again?

Rubens: I’d be curious to see a breakdown of BTSH players by age. My guess is that it has crept up over the years. And the more I hear about players practicing yoga to meet the grueling demands of the season, the more I feel like a trendsetter with my innovative calisthenics program. The whole world will do the pretzel, you’ll see.

Q: Has Demons Family Day been scheduled, and if so, when?

Rubens: We are in final negotiations with an unnamed sponsor for Demons Family Day. While there is obvious clamor to announce a deal, we feel it’s important to find the right partner, rather than to simply go with the one who throws the most money at us.

Q: Is there anything about your team the league doesn’t know but should?

Abby “Tayne” Meisterman: Though Adam Rubens is thought to be the sole captain of the Denim Demons, the team is actually ruled by The Pentaverate: “The Queen,” Abby “Tayne” Meisterman; Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens takes on a higher power as “The Vatican;” “The Gettys” portrayed by Lena Moy-Borgen and Zack Tinkleman; Aaron “Coach” Pagdon fills The Rothschilds’ shoes; and last, but in no way least, Danny Polinksy as “Colonel Sanders.” (Seriously. Have you had the Double Down? Yeah, me neither, but I kind of want some Gus’s now.) Our tri-annual meetings were moved from The Meadows to an undisclosed location (it’s a bar) as “Ms. Rothchild” routinely sent her Rehab spies out to Colorado. (In NFL terms, that would make the Rehabs the New England Patriots and the Denim Demons the Jets. [“When you’re a Jet, you’re a Jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last dying day!”])

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: The Metric System. We all know how good the metric system is, but none of us (besides Trevor B., Adam Skuse, and Jason Eitel) ever use it. The Demons have won the Prince of Weyersberg trophy two years in a row, but have yet to make a deep playoff run. In 2089, I expect feet and inches to give way to the better metric system in America. The Demons will win the championship sooner than that. But not this year.

Fast Fact(s), Courtesy of Abby “Tayne” Meisterman:
Lauren C., Connie Chan, and Bob DiProspero attempted to qualify for the 2014 Winter Olympics by forming a Denim Demon ski team in Sundance.

Val and Dez Penascino will be heading to Morocco late this summer to scout for the the 2012 Denim Demons roster. At worst, they will bring back something Pier One Imports will knock off and sell for twice the price.

Dave Shyu was at every party you were at last year and will be at every party you have in the future; his party ninja skills are unparalleled.

After winning the “Best Family” award, Mike Pereira was invited to the Pereira family reunion with “Gentleman” James and Joe Pereira (Filthy Gorgeous). His attempts to recruit family members to the Denim Demons were valiant, but once he sobered up, he forgot which Pereiras he had approached and thus returned empty-handed.

And since Emily and Gabby Carson did not win the coveted “Best Family” award (nor were they even nominated), Gabby exiled Emily to Boston and asked her not to return until she had thought about what she’s done. What Emily did to cost them the nomination is the topic of much speculation.

Brad Weiger (bass) and Aaron “Coach” Pagdon (drums) joined forces to start a super-group the likes of which BTSH has never seen. Unfortunately, it will never be seen as the vocal-stylings of Adam Rubens was a divisive factor and the band fell apart faster than you can say “The Oneders.”

David Kenneth Fraser obtained his first email address in the offseason. He’s already sent many forwards to Jeff Kamen who had to explain that his GChat status  “Online and Available” applied only to the ladies.

Even though How I Met Your Mother is an accurate portrayal of Danny Polinsky’s life, Danny  has had to repeatedly defend himself to Zack Tinkelman by stating that “baking cookies” with Lena Moy-Borgen is just baking cookies. Sometimes a macaron is just a macaron.

Inspired by Black Swan, Abby “Tayne” Meisterman choreographed her own version of Swan Lake. Though the casting of “Hacksaw” Jim Hacksaw Dandeneau in the lead role of “Odette/Odile” was hailed by some as revolutionary, the re-staging fell flat.

Noah and Sara Farkas departed the States for Canada in an effort to raise their child, Asher, in a friendlier hockey environment.

This profile is brought to you by the letter A and by readers like you.

ROSTER
Lauren C.
Gabby Carson
Connie Chan
“Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau
Bob DiProspero
David Kenneth Fraser
Jeff Kamen
Abby “Tayne” Meisterman (C)
Lena Moy-Borgen
Aaron “Coach” Pagdon
Dez Penascino
Val Penascino
Mike Pereira
Danny Polinsky
Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens (C)
Dave Shyu
Zack Tinkelman
Brad Weiger