Please Don’t Hate The Denim Demons

Color: Red
Year Founded: 2002
2009 Regular Season Finish: 14-2-2-3 (1st place)
2009 Playoff Result: Lost to Fresh Kills in quarterfinals
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Rubens
Home Arena: Adam Rubens War Veterans Memorial Coliseum
2009 Leading Scorer: Jeff Kamen, 18 goals
Key Additions: Noah and Sara’s new baby
Key Losses: Danny’s virginity, the Colts in Super Bowl XLIV

The Denim Demons shocked the world last season by finishing first in the 2009 regular season and taking home the coveted Prince of Weyersberg Trophy.  With the emergence of goaltender Aaron “Coach” Pagdon, the Demons boasted the league’s top defense and shut out their opponents a league high six times.  However, the dream season came to a screeching halt in the quarterfinals of the playoffs when the Demons were upset by Fresh Kills.

When asked about the Demons’ prospect for the 2010 season, captain Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens simply replied with this.

Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble: Randy “Legend Killer” Orton.  Unfazed by the fans’ opinion, they are easily one of the top contenders and draws at any given time.  Besides, were you really expecting anyone else?
Fast Fact: “Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau’s last-ditch effort of picking up players at the Holland Tunnel via prostitution was a complete bust.

ROSTER (player notes provided by btsh.org correspondent Abby Meisterman)
Mike Pereira: Had the solution to global warming but showed up too late for the meeting.
Dave Shyu: Tried to buy $240 worth of McDonald’s Sweet Chili Nugget Sauce.
Zack Tinkelman: Married Lena for the money, not for the food, as was previously suggested.
Bob: Grew up on the island of Mypos and is thus an excellent sheep shearer and knitter.
Adam “Legend Killer” Rubens: Successfully convinced Dave that pudding was a better use of his money.  Awwww yeah.
Bill Francy: Joined the Denim Demon synchronized swimming team, despite only dog paddling.
“Hacksaw” Jim Dandeneau: Shoots righty, stabs lefty.
Val Penascino: As a Pittsburgh Penguins fan, found the movie March of the Penguins very misleading.
Danny Polinksy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bP_0dDjoW_o
Brad Weiger: Lost his “Sexy Brad” moniker when he grew his beard.
Steve Chernoski: Actually from Delaware.
Aaron “Coach” Pagdon: Auditioning for the title role in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet.
Lauren C.: Crowned Flip-Cup Queen 2009 in the Beer Olympics.
Lena Moy-Borgen: Ordered to take anger management courses and received a citation from PETA.
Miranda Kahn: Sadly, not related to Khan Noonien Singh
Tara Lloyd: First runner-up in the Lil’ Miss Denim Demon Beauty Contest.
Dez Penascino: Was head cheerleader for the San Dimas High School football team, after Missy’s reign.
Gabby Carson: First Demon to be declared legally sane…by herself.
Abby Meisterman: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dnLjr8TaE1Q
Connie Chan: Holds the belief that anyone with facial hair is actually an evil doppelgänger and thus is wary of Brad and Zack.
Emily T. Carson: T, as in Tureaud, as in Mr. T, as in she pities the fool.
Noah Farkas: Believes universal health care is the first step towards the USA becoming Canada and is fine with that.
Sara Farkas: Well versed in Tybalt, Capo Ferra, and Agrippa, and thus cancels herself out.
Jeff Kamen: Currently forming Denim Demons Israel after the success of Denim Demons Hawaii.