Once Again, The Dark Rainbows Lead Off The Previews

Color: Pink
Year Founded: 2004
2009 Regular Season Finish: 14-6-0-1 (6th place)
2009 Playoff Result: Lost to Fresh Kills in first round
2009 Leading Scorer: John Nielsen, 20 goals
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Hackett
Home Arena: Rainbow Palace
Key Additions: Jennie Brown (back from pregnancy), Janica Lee (free agency)
Key Losses: none

The Rainbows began the 2009 regular season with 10 wins in their first 12 games, giving them sole possession of first place at the end of July.  However, with losses in five of their last nine games, the Rainbows slipped to sixth place heading into the playoffs, where they were upset by Fresh Kills in the first round.  Captain Sean Reynolds explains, “Last year was comparable to a breakfast consisting of four cups of coffee and four sausage Egg McMuffins…fast start and a shitty finish.”

Despite the sour end to 2009, Reynolds and the Rainbows are optimistic about the upcoming season.  The team did not lose any key players in the offseason and will benefit from the addition of Janica Lee and the return of Jennie Brown.  Additionally, Reynolds notes that goalie (and new league secretary [self-appointed]) John Meyer spent his entire Christmas bonus on new gear that is guaranteed to bring his goals against average down 1.5 goals.

Reynolds warns the league, “You can expect thorough ass-kickings handed out by us week-in and week-out, culminating with us hoisting the poorly made BTSH Cup, which we will proceed to drink champagne from and then spit out on the losing team (most likely the Hookers).”

Professional Wrestler They Closely Resemble: Undertaker. Age may start to play a role in their success in the very near future (if it hasn’t already), but there’s still one or two good runs left in them.  Plus, you certainly can’t deny any of their past accomplishments.
Fast Fact: Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo lost any realistic chance of winning his March Madness office pool when his sleeper champion East Tennessee State lost to Kentucky in the opening round.

ROSTER
Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo
Jennie Brown
John Cassidy
Mike Dudolevitch
Lindsey Foehrenbach
Jesse Gerstein
Libby Hartle-Tyrrell
Janica Lee
John Meyer
John Nielsen
Christa Paloglou
Mary Pat Porinchak
Sean Reynolds (C)
Jon Rudd
Brad Thomason
Rory Tischler
Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell
Yuichi Uchidi
Michel Walkley
P.T. Walkley
Josh Wilson