Jesus Returns To Offense

Color: Pink
Year Founded: 2004
2008 Regular Season Finish: 11-5-1 (6th place)
2008 Playoff Result: Lost to Corlears Hookers in second round
Division: Schloeder
2009 Marketing Slogan: “Pretty in pink.”
Key Additions: Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo (Return From Boozing)
Key Losses: K.C. Fisher

While the Rainbows’ roster did not see a ton of turnover in the offseason, there will be one major change between the pipes.  After a handful of appearances in net last fall, John Meyer returns for a full season in 2009 and has been annointed as the starting goalie.  Last season’s goalie Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell will play out of net and resume “casting offensive spells on the opposition”.  The Rainbows also vow to make a concerted effort to be seen at the bars much more often this season, because, as captain Sean Reynolds notes, “Our old asses don’t have to walk two fucking miles to get to one!”  Of course, similar promises were made at the beginning of the 2008 season.

Food They Closely Resemble: Skittles.  Taste the rainbow.
Fast Fact: Josh Wilson once won second prize in a beauty contest and collected $10.

ROSTER
Dan “Danny Abs” Abdo
Jennie Brown
John Cassidy
Lindsey Foehrenbach
Jesse Gerstein
Libby Hartle-Tyrrell
John Meyer
John Nielsen
Sean Reynolds (C)
Jon Rudd
Brad Thomason
Rory Tischler
Trevor “White Jesus” Tyrrell
Yuichi Uchidi
Michel Walkley
P.T. Walkley
Josh Wilson