Don’t You Forget About Al

Color: Purple/White
Year Founded: 2007
2010 Regular Season Finish: 11-4 (2nd, Rubens Division; 5th overall)
2010 Playoff Result: Lost to Happy Little Elves in championship game
Conference: Weyersberg
Division: Rubens
2010 Leading Scorer: Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney, 15 goals
Team Song: Gogol Bordello – Start Wearing Purple
Key Additions: Jock Paul (Returning from Papua New Guinea)
Key Losses: None

The 2010 season ended in familiar fashion for the Corlears Hookers, as they lost in the championship game for the third time in four years.  Yet again, the team cruised through the regular season, compiling an 11-4 record and finishing second in the esteemed Rubens Division.  Forward Gavin “Dutch’s Brother” Kearney led the team with 15 goals, tying him with LBS, Inc.’s “The Alpha Male” Ken Poulin for fourth in the league.

This season, the team gets even stronger as former Hooker Jock Paul makes his triumphant return to the United States after missing one and a half seasons while abroad.  Also returning is team spark-plug Noelle “Slapshot” Safar, who missed the playoffs and several offseason workouts while in Florida.  Otherwise, the team will remain largely intact with no significant losses.  However, this season, the Corlears Hookers will be under new leadership, as former captain Peter “Purple Rain” Putka has officially handed the reigns over to Josh “Doc” Sadlier-Brown and Jason Eitel.  Already the duo has been active in improving the squad.  Safar’s return can be largely attributed to Eitel’s charming influence, while Sadlier-Brown has been scouring other leagues for talent.  Doc notes, “We have recruited the Pembroke Lumber Kings Jr. A hockey team, as well as several key members of the Lady Lumber Kings to play for us this year.”  This is the same way the Sky Fighters discovered Greg Infanti.

Entity They Resemble, According to Rich Glanzer: Donna Martin from Beverly Hills, 90210. Critics of Donna will say she was always the bridesmaid, never the bride. But I say hogwash. Brandon and Dylan may have been the stars of the show at the time, but everyone remembers, “Donna Martin graduates.” After a couple of close calls with David Silver, Joe the QB, and Ray the wifebeater, Donna finally let the puck go through her biscuit, courtesy of a David Silver slapshot. (Not including the Elves) The Hookers are my pick to win the BTSH championship.
Fast Fact: Jackie Spiegel played an instrumental role in Luis Castillo’s release from the New York Mets.

ROSTER
John Bartlett
Danilo Biagioni
Jason Eitel (C)
Tiffany Hagge
Albert “Al” Huang
Brendan “Dutch” Kearney
Gavin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Kearney
Libby Lewis
Dustin “Fake Dutch’s Brother” Olson
Jock Paul
Peter “Purple Rain” Putka
Joshua “Doc” Sadlier-Brown (C)
Noelle “Slapshot” Safar
Jesse Scolaro
Anshu Sinha
Jackie Spiegel
Lisa Taddeo
Dan Thompson
Andy Tse
Matt Zimmerman